Let the games begin

Our 25Th anniversary dinner was awesome. He loved his present. Here we are celebrating and no I'm not tipsy just very happy!





Now, its time to crank into last minute Christmas. Did we miss anyone? How much more wrapping? Dinner what are we having at dinner? Which birthday is coming? The answers to all the above:
No, after numerous recounts and list checking everyone is done.
Wrapping....bahahahahaha can you say up all night for the next three days?
Dinner? See Sh1ts and Giggles, what goes with macaroni salad?
G-daughter #2, 13Th birthday, Tuesday, 6p, Pizza Hut kids eat free. Dammit I gotta get that cake in the oven!!!

Merry Christmas everyone...Let the games begin!!!

Whewwww

I want to send special kudos to UPS! Husbands' present arrived, its wrapped and bowed! My dignity has been saved and I hope he loves it!

He made me cry.......

Well the big day is here...we have been married 25 years. Husband made me cry. We got up bright and early as usual and as a personal gift just for me he slept on my side of the bed and snored like a freight train all night. But, that's not what made me cry....instead murderous intent clouded my vision for the umpteenth time during the night.
He gave me the most beautiful snow globe I have ever seen. Inside were a silver key and heart and when you shook it little tiny hearts and keys floated around. It sits on a carved silver base and he had it engraved with a very special message just for me. Its musical and plays "Love me tender". I cried like a two year old that dropped her ice cream cone. I'm not a fragile, foo-foo kind of girl but, I love snow globes an this was just so damn sentimental! There I go again....

As per my luck because he is a banker and can check the checkbook and credit card transactions a gazillion times I had to wait to get his present. It SHOULD be here today. I have been tracking the hell out of it. But, I had a back up plan. I have a very old picture of us when we first dated. We are hugging and we look so young and in love. I tried to get it restored but takes several weeks and because its a wallet size and has been toted around for 30 years its a bit worn. No guarantee. God bless Walmart. Took picture, colored, edited, cropped and put in a silver frame that said "Memories" around the edges. I felt so tacky this morning. He loved it. I felt awful after that totally awesome snow globe and crying, jeez Grammice...SHAME!

I am praying the UPS man will hurry, hurry today and I can still salvage my dignity.
See, that's just the kind of guy he is, thoughtful, romantical continually spoiling me.

Can we postpone Christmas?

Today for the 1st time in 3 days my head & chest are no longer my enemy. We are now working together as a team. The head is thinking and the chest is expanding without pain and vicious coughing.

Feeling better I decided to open the door to the "Christmas room". Actually the extra bedroom where I load all presents after Thanksgiving so I can sort and count and wrap. Promptly closed it and thought "OMG! how am I going to get done wrapping and sorting by Christmas eve?" I have decided to wait until New Years eve. Due to the economy Santa's reindeer went on strike and he just negotiated a new contract for 2009. There...I'm feeling much better now.......

Something to talk about

Next Thursday, December 18th the husband & I will celebrate 25 years of wedded bliss. Yep! We have been married 25 YEARS!!! 2-5! Holy sh1t what did we ever find to talk about? No, I don't get up and put my make-up on before he gets up like my mom did after she married daddy. No, I don't run the water when I pee like my mom did. Sometimes in the early years dinner wasn't on the table at 6 or 7...sometimes you had a sandwich.

I still wear sloppy t-shirts and jeans 'cause they are comfortable and when I do dress-up and wear pantyhose he really appreciates it. When we were dating he cracked the first fart, by accident, forgot I was sitting next to him....which meant open season for me! Yes, I was the first one to pull the sheet over his head! Naaa,naa!

We have been through a lot. Kids for one. I already had them when we started dating, kept them after we got married. His finest achievement? When he adopted the kids they changed the birth certificates. On daughters it shows "fathers age at time of birth" he was 15. LOL He is still proud to this day! Yes, I'm older, 2yrs and 2weeks. Not much, just enough to make him look good. In the early years I threatened divorce after one particularly ugly fight, he said "Fine, but the kids are mine and you can go". I had to think about it......LOL
They are HIS kids! People say my son looks just as much like him as daughter does me. They both think more like him than me. I think God knew what was going to happen in my 1st marriage so he stole a gene from husband and gave it to them.

We very rarely fight anymore. Not like we did those 1st few years. We would throw each other out then sabotage the vehicle so the other couldn't leave. I threw a giant trash can at him 1 time. Ahhh back in the day when I had a temper like a wildcat. He loved me anyway. He says I can piss him off faster than anyone else. Wonder why? Could it be the time I scrubbed the bathroom with his toothbrush, then forgot to put under the sink? He used it for a week before I noticed. Or when I had my own checkbook and I rounded up all the entries so I would always have more money than I thought. He spent 3 hours trying to balance the account before he realized what I had done. No more checkbook. Seemed perfectly normal to me, remember I'm a bookkeeper LOL!

His mom said our marriage was like Cyndi Lauper being married to Robert Young (for those who know who they are).
He is conservative. I have a mouth like a sailor, alot, he usually only says sh1t and damn. Daughter and I would yell at each other when she was teen, he spoke to her.
He says he is "damn lucky to be married to someone as caring, loving and special as me". I checked the marriage license to make sure my name was written there.
He remembers the day, the date, where we met, where we had our first date and when we had our first sex. I remember to buy beer at the grocery.
No, its not one sided. I adore the man. He has taught me patience, how to be (reasonably) politically correct and spoils me. I look forward to him coming home everyday. He understands when I cry for no reason and when I'm so angry I could spit nails. He always tells me he admires the fact that I would "defend my children, grandchildren and my beliefs to the bitter end, right, wrong or indifferent". I just figured I was bull-headed like my mom said.


We totally compliment each other. I'm pretty sure he is my soul mate. I can never imagine what my life would be like without my strongest supporter, the one person who totally accepts me for who and what I am and loves me because of it.
In honor of our 25 years I am so glad we did "find something to talk about".

Just a quickie

Been a little swamped lately but here are some catch-ups!

Two weeks ago I hurt my neck...MRI....bulging discs, one really bad. Had little to no use of left arm...I am left handed. Missed dancing at the Bradley Days show the culmination of all year long practicing. Today I have been released by my chiropractor and all is well. As he put it "you dodged a bullet, don't do it again."

G-son has lost two teeth! He calls and will only tell me not g-pop. Why? Because g-mom makes sure the tooth fairy comes to her house too. Last night our conversation went something like this:

Him: G-mom I lost another tooth, can the tooth fairy leave money at your house again?

Me: That's wonderful! I will leave her a note and ask her.

Him: Ask her for $2. I really need $2 this time.

Me: Why $2?

Him: Because its at your house and grandpa will give it to her.

Me: Well, we will see. The amount of money depends on how big the tooth is and how many you lost and how much money she left at your house.

Him: G-mom just tell her OK? Its a big tooth and she only leaves me change at my house. Just tell her g-pop will pay her back.

Me: OK, I'll tell her.

Meantime g-pop is cracking up over this whole thing because as he puts it "Now I have to payback the tooth fairy?"

I'm already for Thanksgiving! Yep, everything is prepared, turkeys are prepping for frying and I have Knob Creek bourbon and Canada Dry ginger ale sitting in the wings!

So HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone! Make sure you count your blessings, especially this year...its been rough on everyone directly and indirectly! If you can have your family and friends close to you then this is something everyone should be Thankful for, even if you don't like them. Above all else even the ones we really can't stand have taught us something....SELF CONTROL and PATIENCE!

Sitting down to pee....

Last Tuesday I went into the master bathroom to pee. We, meaning both husband and me use this bathroom 85% of the time. After all, it is "our" bathroom....unless of course it needs cleaning. Anyway, as I'm sitting there I glance over at the tub....hmmm why is there dirt on the floor, I just swept. Hmmmm what is that dark spot on the baseboard? Hmmmmmm. Get a damp paper towel to wipe up dirt....
WELL SH1T!!! there is a .50 piece size hole in the baseboard and its about 2-3" deep. Take husbands toothbrush and poke around in hole. Pieces of sheetrock and the back of the tile on edge of tub start falling out. DAMMIT! Hmmmm who do I know that can tell me what the F%^& this mess is? Call daughter, they have friend who is contractor he will come over and look at it. While on the phone with him he mentions it "could be" a burrowing spider, bee or beetle they sometimes get into walls then burrow out. Now as I'm poking around this hole, still using husbands toothbrush I wonder just how big this "thing" might be. Being a horror movie fan I have seen what spiders, bees and beetles can do. No way in hell am I sticking anything in that hole other than the husbands toothbrush.

We have had some problems with the handle in the tub since we moved in. We have had plumbers come out 2-3 times. Our neighbor told us the previous owner had said he was glad to "finally be rid of that bathroom". Gee, do you think you could have mentioned that before we paid for a plumber three different times?

The guys come out, look at my hole. Poke around in it then promptly start peeling off chunks of sheet rock. They pull the turn on handle off the tub. Well here is the problem... the valve has had a s-l-l-o-o-w-w drip forever. It has finally done enough interior damage that it was heading for the outside world. Ready to rot anything in its way to devouring my walls, baseboards and wall tile. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, one week before old stinky, smelly carpet in hall and three bedrooms being replaced and one week before my folks come up to visit before Thanksgiving. Are we having fun yet?

To make a long story short...knock out about 15 tiles in around the faucet handle in shower, replace valve, install new handle....$250.00.
Knock out sheet rock, pull off baseboard. $200.00.
total $500 inc. extra material...not bad. But wait theres' more.... husband has decided that we need to re-paint the bath and vanity area. We have to paint the new sheetrock anyway, miswell get rid of what he deems "that awful green" right? Sure you bet...gonna get right on that. This Saturday I am painting.

I have decided one very important thing....I am going to learn how to pee standing up! Yes sir. If I had been standing up my back would have been to the wall and like my husband I would never have seen the dirt or the hole. Maybe just maybe he would have discovered it first. Hell who am I kidding. He would have seen it, called for me and I still would have called the plumber and dealt with the repair man and I would still be painting on Saturday.

I'm just glad it was his toothbrush I used to poke around in that hole!

I'm going Bye-Bye

Heading to Busch Gardens today...gonna stay in a really nice hotel....gonna ride the rides, eat too much shit, drink to many beers and bitch about the fat cells I created while gone, I'm gonna bring a really sexy nighty and beg for sex every night!

Yep, I'm a going bye-bye and looking forward to it. Wish me luck on accomplishing everything I want to do, including the begging part!

A borrower I am

I am "borrowing" from Burgs' post about 6 quirky things about myself. The husband says I'm weird, anal retentive, menopausal, whatever it may be I like the word QUIRKY!

1) I can't stand people, adults or children who spit! Its' nasty, unsanitary and just plain gross. I have been known to slap people in the back of the head when they spit. When my son's friends were younger and they spit in front of me I would promptly and efficiently smack them in the back of the head. Even as adults and they forget...they automatically duck!

2) I hate people in the kitchen with me. You know the "what can I do to help?" people. Totally useless in my opinion. To be polite I always give them something like getting the silverware out or plates. But I secretly wish they would go away and play someplace else.

3) I don't like disorganization. Period! Make notes, keep a schedule do something but don't ask me to keep remembering everything for you! My boss is very good at being disorganized.

4) I hate to shop for shoes, clothing or going to the mall. I don't even need to discuss my reasons. Its just boring and crowded.

5) People who will not drive! They step on the brake every few feet, they refuse to use a blinker, they cruise along in 50mph traffic at 25 because they are looking for an address or they are talking on their cell. They ride in the passing lane on the highway doing 65 because 70 is "too fast" in their opinion. I'm not a road rage kind of driver, I'm more a "well holy shit what did I do to deserve this" kind of driver.
I want to go where I'm going, get there in one piece and wished you would do the same! If you have more to do other than drive your car, pull over, write it down, look it up, phone a friend whatever just stop doing everything but driving!

6) Religion....Yes, I believe in God. Let it alone after I generously answer your "do you believe in God" question then start on a diatribe of why I'm going to hell for not being a member of your church. Religion is a personal thing and frankly there are quite a few "Christians" that I wouldn't let near or in my house.

Well, now that I have alienated half the population, I guess I'm done.

Simple things for simple minds

I love kitchen gadgets. I guess its hereditary. My dad is an infomercial whore when it comes to kitchen gadgets. He tries it if its good, I get one or will be getting one, if its nasty, back it goes with a note saying why its a piece of sh1t. Thats my dad.

One of the other bloggers posted about a cool cooker thingy and I just had to have one. I searched for that thing and no where could it be found. Husband was tired of being dragged into kitchen stores every time we went some place...even if we went to the Circle K to buy beer it was "Oh, lets go by here and see if they have that egg-cooker thingy". Finally in desperation I emailed Manadajuice. It was a gift over 2 years ago! She didn't know where it came from! OH NO!!!! Dammit!

Then today daughter called right in the middle of payroll and said "Ma, Mandajuice posted where she got her egg cooker thingy." I stopped payroll and quickly logged in! THERE IT IS!!!! OMG! OOOO! Mandajuice came through, on a FRIDAY no less.
Immediately copied link and sent to daughter and husband pleading for Birthday (6wks), Thanksgiving, Christmas any kind of present just GET ME ONE!!!
Husband said "order it cause I love you". Now how about that?!
Now, I'm getting the.....are you ready.....KRUPS Egg cooker thingy!!! Hot damn! Life is certainly good for me. I'm so excited...simple things for simple minds I guess.

I'm adding Mandajuice's blog site and the egg-cooker thingy web site at the end of this post.
Her site is great, she is funny and real but she cooks and always posts her recipes and menus so you can see if they are eating anything you like or might want to try that week, with the recipe. She has an awesome meatloaf recipe hmmmm. Go check her out....
A special thank you and hug to my daughter who is always looking out for her ma, to Mandajuice for being nice and my husband for saying "Order it!"

http://mandajuice.typepad.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Krups-230-70-Egg-Express-Cooker/dp/B00005KIRS

Don't make me cry........

Lets just say its been a rough few weeks, months, years whatever its all been rough!
My emotions are somewhere around my feet and my tits hurt and I have no patience for stupid people. Which in my mind I am totally surrounded by and find myself continually having to explain to them that they are stupid.

I've been to the "tit" doctor and he has very nicely explained to me that I am in the begining stages of MENOPAUSE!!! Which on the way home made me cry. Why? Hell, I'm pissed! Why is it OK? Its NOT OK!!! Nothing is OK!

Women are totally screwed while men skid through life with only a "crisis" a Mid-life crisis. They want to be young, act young, drive fast little cars, have young women clamouring for them. What do women get?
We get periods, we get child birth, we get anxiety, we get stressed out dealing with lunches, homes, husbands that can't find their socks or underwear, kids, paperwork, jobs and then we have our period and start the ugly ass schedule all over again. What do we get? We get "she's being a bitch". What do men get? "Oh, he's having a mid-life crisis he'll get over it soon enough". Why isn't he an a$$hole?

Why can't we have bad comb overs and plaid pants? Why do we get to deal with everything, then we get slammed with the period of all periods MENOPAUSE!!! Where everything stops and the only thing raging are our hormones and our temper. We wake up one day soaking wet with a "go ahead f$&k with me" attitude and it goes down hill from there.

Only one of my friends has been completely through the cycle and she was totally honest. "Your emotions are on your sleeve and it pisses you off. You cry, which makes you mad, so you cry harder then some a$$hole asks why your crying and you rip off his head and sh1t down his neck. You feel much better so you cry". The end. I will be 51 in 6wks. My husband hasn't talked to me since Friday because I was "being a bitch", I apologized, which he didn't accept because he was pissed, so in all my menopausal glory I told him I could also not talk to him for weeks, suited me just fine...one last thing to do on my list since I did everything else around this GD (yep I said that)house!
I then went to the bedroom and cried. Why? Because he is being an a$$hole and I really hate us being this way and I just want someone to say it only lasts a week then you feel all better and thats the end of menopause, just like your period 5-7 days and dude you are done!

I'm told this is only the begining. That my night sweats will get worse...how much worse can it be when I wake up feeling like I forgot to dry off after my shower? That I will cry and fly off the handle a whole lot more, over smaller things, like dropping my toast face down this morning which caused a flood of tears. The urge to kill people. I kinda like that one. In the middle of my tearful tirade I had a flash back of a show I thought was totally funny at the time,I didn't understand why all my moms' friends kept saying "did you see All in the Family? How true was that"?
Little did I know....
I hope this link works, if not, don't tell me, you'll only make me cry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-TV-O5A_0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_cUVfYUuf0&feature=related

The Un-invited....

Don't 'cha just love it when someone shows up un-invited then just hangs around ruining your weekend and messing up your stuff.

Well meet FAY, the un-invited. We were going tubing down the river this weekend with a cooler full of beer and a basket full of samiches and snacks. But, thanks to her we are trapped in the house, like I'm not here everyday anyway. She hasn't even gotten here completely yet and trees are whipping around and everything is humid and damp. Opened a bag of chips and before I could eat two they were soggy and stale. She will probably hang out until Sunday late afternoon so we've been warned.

She reminds me of the relatives you hide from when they knock on the door un-invited...peeking in windows while you hide behind the sofa being very quiet.
In our area we are tree haven, 20mph winds and trees come tumbling down. Add a lot of rain to already soaked trees and its like a babies overnight diaper...soaked and droopy and one wrong move and down they come. Did I mention flooding? The husband works downtown and in a regular rain most of the streets flood, can you imagine what it will be like in 12 hours? 24? They say Florida and California are going to be islands someday. California is going to break off and Florida will just float away.

I'm sitting at my desk watching the giant pine out front bend back and forth like a wet noodle thinking well, if it comes down I can finally get those new floors and remodel this office, the master bedroom and bathroom. Evil thoughts.

I would love to go play in the rain, splash around in the run off coming down the street, play airplane and hold my arms out and let the wind blow me around. But, alas too much shit is falling out of the trees and I would probably get conked on the head and lay in my yard till someone looked outside to see what the wind was doing.
Can you hear it now? "Honey look, theres our crazy neighbor laying in her front yard in the rain". "Do you think that's on purpose"? "Move away from the window dear, its not polite to stare". There I would be laying there with a knot on my head...drowning in rain water.

God Bless Fay and being trapped in the house YET AGAIN for ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!

So its' been awhile.....how yooouuuu do'in?

I can't believe I have managed to sh1t enough time to do a post. The new job has been so busy that I really thought about just not posting anymore and going to that great blogging palace above..or is it below? Mine? Probably below. Today is the quietest Monday I have had in a month. Which isn't good, but I really needed it.

Lets see...where can I start? Decided to switch phone service to our cable provider since I had gotten so T-TOTALLY pissed off with EmbarQ. I was very excited, until they came out to do the work. Have you ever noticed how one cable guy has no issue dissing another cable guy? You know, the "Jeez lady I don't know what the other cable guy did but he totally fu$%ed up your cables and we now have to dismantle your house and rebuild but don't worry we can be done today...with OUR part". So that's how today has gone. At least they didn't apologize like Embarq does:

"We do apologize for the inconvenience, meanwhile we will transfer your call to to our call center in TIBET where you will be helped by ART who doesn't speak english and will ask you for all the information you just punched into the phone to get this far all over again. He will then put you on hold while he runs down the mountain to use the local phone booth to call us here in the states to see if you really do have Embarq phone service, again we apologize for the inconvenience...please hold".

The cable guy just said plain and simple. "I got you a phone for now, I don't have the tools to go into the attic and re run the cabling but I will turn in a service call for the OTHER tech and he will do it on Wednesday." No, sorry, no nothing. Not his fault....the OTHER cable guy did it!

We had our annual Clogging Jamboree this weekend. It was quite a bit of fun and we danced for 5 hours on Sat. and 2 more on Sat. night. By 10p I was walking like a whore on $1 night. Our group did a dance for the show and I thought you would enjoy seeing me all dressed up in our dance show outfits. The theme this year was HeeHaw. Yeah you read right...HEEHAW the TV show. We danced to a medley of Greenacres and Petticoat Junction.



This is my friend that everyone thinks we look like sisters. Which we just crack up about. We get along great she is the nicer of the two of us. I refer to myself as the "evil twin". I guess everyone needs a friend like that. You know the one that won't let you eat the last piece of chocolate so you don't gain weight so she eats it for you.

I'm going back to work now and I will post again soon. I may not post too much lately but, I'm reading and trying to leave as many comments as possible.

Not Lazy.....

The new job is going well and I am so busy I can't see straight. I am settling into the "home" thing without too many meltdowns as everyone said I would eventually do. But rest assurred it isn't completely meltdown free yet. I am learning how to read Landscaping plans which isn't real difficult but you have to know your numbers. You know 1,2,3, etc. Somedays I'm lucky if I know my name. Husband was going to get me an ID bracelet with my name and address on it but I was afraid he would keep changing the address.

I am suppose to work 730a-430p but its mostly been 630a, 7a, 730a till we get done and done constitutes maybe 8p or 9p. Its fun....did I just write that? Fun? Holy shit maybe I do need that bracelet. Anyway, I finally got to check my e-mail and someone sent me this hilarious sign picture so I decided to stop payroll and do a post! How convienient is that? It is totally politically incorrect, which is usually my favorite.




As I'm sitting here writing this my dog the basset/lab mix (basset body,lab head & tail) is laying at my feet. Brings a nice cozy picture to your mind doesn't it? Well don't! Her stomach is upset and it is making these popping, crackling, rolling noises and she keeps jumping up running down the hall barking with me in hot pursuit so she doesn't sh1t on my rug or yak or anything else that might pop out of all the noises shes making. I open the back door and she is run/squatting as she heads towards the back of the property.
God, I love working at home.....

House working wife?

#1 comment when people find out your working from home:

"OOOO your working from home! You are SOOOOO lucky".

I want to look them in the eye and say...why because I can work in my moo-moo until 10a? Doesn't matter that the reason I'm not dressed is because the phone hasn't stop ringing long enough for me to finish peeing.
It must be nice to sit and watch TV then occasionally answer a phone, type a letter? OO let me add eating bon-bons like the housewives of Orange County.
Oh, yeah I do all that...every single day, jackass!

Unfortunately, I was one of those people that would say that very same thing. NOW I know why those people wanted to rip off my head and sh1t down my neck. Some of them even had children at home!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! SHUT-UP Stupid.

Do I sound bitchy? You bet! I'm tired cranky and whiny. I haven't settled into a "routine" whatever the hell that is. I've asked people that work at home HOW!? What do I need to do or not do?
Basically what I get is "Oh, for the first few weeks your crazy THEN you settle into a "routine". I think they are getting even with me for the day I said "OOO you get to work at home". There really isn't a routine. Its some cruel joke set up by
work at homers to get even with the googly-eyed you-get-to-work-at-homers.

Well, I'm done with the jokes....WHAT IS THE ROUTINE,PLEASE?
Is it you do both house and job then fall into bed at 10p? Worrying about what you might have missed even though you have checked everything a bazillion times?
What do you worry about and don't worry about? Do you just say "F&^% it! and do your best?

In my mind the job is priority, then when things are quiet and I've completed most of my work I take little breaks and straighten house, make coffee for morning, throw in a load of laundry, etc. Is THAT the "routine"?

I know several out there work from home and I need to find a balance. REALLY! I'm too anal to just let stuff go around the house.

Husband says there is no difference "You are at work, do your work, then when you "come home" do what you think you need or don't do it. Nothings changed just the location of the office".

Is that true?

Am I in over my head?

Glub! Glub! Today I feel like I stepped into a pile of shit and my shovel is in the garage. I actually put my head down on my new desk and dropped about a dozen tears on the floor thinking "what have I done!"

My problem: I can't understand how someone could have her filing all neat and done yet...leave bills sitting on the desk for a month and NOT mention to anyone that they were there! Quote "I thought "boss" would come by the office and see them." Unquote!
Problem here? Over a month ago he told me "I only go into the office to pay bills, secretary calls, tells me they are there and I come in." He is extremely busy and that's why they set up the call system. Last week he told me, "now that you have the checkbook you will never see me in the office."
Works for me that's what phones are for. So I spent today calling people and explaining she was no longer there and we just "found" these invoices. Apologize, apologize and beg for forgiveness.

No notes on anything, just stickys every where! On the wall in the drawers, pass codes, phone numbers, addresses, client names, account numbers, no rolodex just
FU%$ing stickys. Don't get me wrong I love sticky notes....My computer is a grave yard for sticky notes but its for things I use rarely but need on a split second notice. Plus they are lined up across the bottom. (That makes it OK, right?)

Most of my problem? I'm so anal retentive when it comes to bookkeeping, client information, organization, etc. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of confusion.

When I get this office moved and organized God help the person that messes up my space.....OOOOOOO

A moment of silence .....Please

The icon of my youth passed away today. The man I used to sneak to watch and listen to. It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that my parents finally admitted that they listened to him "on occasion" as I was growing up. My mother wasn't always happy about his language.

The world has come a long way since then regarding comedians and language. When George said the "7 dirty words you can't say on television" little did he know that someday only one or two of those words would be left on the list.

It broke my heart and brought a tear to my eye when they made the announcement. I guess as we get older and parts of our youth start fading away this is how we feel. I guess this is how our parents felt when Amos and Andy, The Lone Ranger and Superman all passed into entertainment heaven.

And now just a small example of why we loved George:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oboyox3L_MI&feature=related

I hope the link works.

Free, Free at last

Yesterday was my last day...drama ends HERE!!! I made 3 9x12 pans of biscuits, eggs and sausage gravy for my guys which they promptly devoured. The owner & his wife gave me a beautiful necklace and bracelet. My 2 direct bosses and a sales rep told me how much they wished bi-polar would just leave..yada yada. I think she will be in for a shock since she is so positive everyone was happy to see me go. LOL Doesn't matter that she was told straight up that they were not. Oh well, free from the bit#@ at last.

Today starts the first day of the rest of my life. I'm really excited and my mind is flying 90 mph on all the things I want to accomplish. But, alas right now I'm doing laundry and straightening up the house. I have a meeting with my new boss tonight to get the ball rolling on when to let the other person go and setting up some new accounts.

OOOOO I'm gonna be a BUSINESS MANAGER....again!!!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.....

After today I will have ONE day left at my current job. Wednesday is my last day. Believe it or not I am really having mixed feelings. I am extremely excited about starting someplace new doing what I enjoy yet, I am really going to miss "my guys" here. They have all been coming in moaning about me actually leaving. Griping about dealing with bi-polar. One even told her she should leave so I would stay. Yeah, that was lovely. Treating people with respect goes a long way in this world and that is exactly what I did. After all in my opinion each time they crawled into an attic, under a house or installed material in new construction they kept my happy ass in a job. Everyday I told them to have a nice day and thanked them.

Starting a new job is totally exciting! Being the Business Manager. Getting the opportunity to help a business grow. It has always been a dream of mine to be in on the "ground floor" of a business, the company is fairly "new" 3 years old. I will be learning SO MUCH. I learned quite a bit about insulation and measuring etc. at this job.
New job, learning real estate procedures especially pre-foreclosure/foreclosure and landscape design. How totally cool is that? Landscaping has always been a love of mine and I spent quite a bit of time working on my yard. Its' not a show place but its LOW maintenance. Real estate? Prior to this house we bought and sold 4 house in 5 years each time we made a decent profit. New and exciting! I just love all that.

SO NOW.....I'm counting down....with no regrets!

I need help... (thats an understatement)

I am a gi-normous fan of Top Chef on BRAVO TV. Recently Lisa made Peanut Butter mashed potatoes. My husband adores PB (ewwww) but after reading all the boards and blogs not one single person posted their recipe or a recipe. I have done a Food Network search, Google, Yahoo etc. etc. No luck. I found a lot of Peanut butter mashed potato candy recipes but after reading them there was quite a bit of PB. According to all the other places I searched each said that a small amount of PB "really makes these mashed potatoes: Creamier, nice flavor etc".

I'm thinking make my regular mashed potatoes using Sour cream, chicken broth, bacon etc then adding like a tablespoon of PB? Should I melt the PB in nuker 1st?

There are quite a few of you guys out there that really post some awesome recipes so "Help a girl out".

I'd like to try these for Father's Day maybe with a rack of Lamb? Would they be good with Lamb or should I try a steak?

A little something for Sunshine

Once upon a time there was this slightly crazy mother of teenagers who desperately wanted a tattoo. Her husband continually bitched and moaned that they were "tacky, gave the wrong impression and why would I want to mark my body like that?" Her daddy was in the Navy and had one. Her brother had several and so did several of her very close man-friends.

She begged and pleaded to no avail. THEN! One day before her birthday she told her husband "Please, I want a tattoo. It will be little and I will make it very tasteful. Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee.
The husband relented! A birthday present he said. No more! Indiscreet, tasteful, you promised.
A previous friend took me to his parlor and his guy and I got my tattoo. It was beautiful and it didn't hurt one bit. When I got home my husband wanted to know what I ended up doing. I told him "I got, U.S.D.A. stamped on my ass". After the EMT's left I told him the truth. Now its up to you to decide which one I am.

A Riddle

Never again will I be yelled at, called stupid or have paperwork thrown on my desk.
Never again will I be "quietly" accused of stealing $100 from petty cash.
Never again will I be told by the bosses wife "don't question the bi-polar bitch, if she yells at you just walk away because she has enough on her plate".

Did anyone guess my riddle? LOL

June 18th will be my last day. I have a new job! I will be the Business Manager for an LLC that is owned by a friend of my sons'. He has tried for years to get me to come to work for him and it was always been the wrong time or the wrong situation. It is not a Fortune 500 company by any means BUT, I will be trusted completely. I will still have my freedom but I'm not one to abuse anything given to me. It is going to save me a fortune in gas in the big 'ol diesel I drive because the office is less than 2 miles from my house. Which brings me to another point. I will be "picking" my office. I will be learning the Real Estate business and will be dealing with his other branch which is Landscape design. I'm so excited I just might pee my pants like Kheatherg.

So peoples in blog land how about a great big 'ol HOOOYAHHH.

46 things you don't give a sh1t about..

So if anyone really gives a sh1t here are 46 things about me that you didn't know or even care to know. I'm very tired tonight so I need a filler. Thank you
Sh1tsandgiggles.



1. Do you like blue cheese? As long as its not moldy blue, then you just cut that piece off.

2. Where do you work? An Insulation company

3. Do you own a gun? Yes, rubberbands are still 1000 for $2.00 at the Waldog

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? What flavor is Vodka?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Nope, I figure he should be the nervous one.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Parts is parts

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Its' a Wonderful Life...until the bills start coming in.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee, Coffeee, Coffeeeeeeeeee!

9. Can you do pushups? Sure, you just push the little stick and orange ice cream lands right in your mouth or on the dog depending on how hard you push.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Timex watch, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking, unlike some other thing in my house that usually falls asleep afterward.

11. Favorite hobby? Fishing and catching

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Absolute debit denial? Yes.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? You will have to ask the "nazi" at work, she has a list about me

14. Middle name? Carol

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. 1- KHeather is such a cheese ball for starting this.
2. It's ONLY 730p! 3-If I eat another orange I will get rid of the fatty ice cream I just ate in the morning.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: I bought the love of 3 g-kids by spending $188. at Walmart on them....LOL

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Vodka/grapefruit, coffee and water

18. Current worry: Whether or not I can talk husband into going to the store to get me cigarettes

19. Current hate right now? That husband said No, he wasn't going to the store tonight!Jackass

20. Favorite place to be? On a fishing boat in the ocean with beer, bait and husband

21. Where would you like to go? To the bathroom, I so had to pee when I started this!

22. Name three people who will complete this? Me, myself and I (we're a great group)

23. Color of polish on toenails? RED!

24. What shirt are you wearing? Cream with beige swirly flowers. Makes me look skinny

25. What year would you go back in time to? 1957, I'd like to see what my mom was bitching about when she said she had a "hard labor" with me.

26. Can you whistle? Only when my partials aren't in right and they slip when I'm talking

27. Favorite color? RED

28. Would you be a pirate? Oh hell yeah...as long as Johnny Depp was the Captain...

29. Favorite girl's name? Katie Keenan

30. Favorite boy's name? Boone

31. What store would you like to have a no limit shopping spree in? LOWES!!!!! LOWES!!!
32. What's in your pocket right now? A paper clip...Oh shit! Now the nazi's gonna get me for stealing!

33. Last thing that made you laugh? G-son

34. Best Halloween costume? I dress as a witch or Pippi Longstocking

35. Worst injury you've ever had? Ruptured disc! Told husband to get rid of that basket over the bed! Jackass

36. Favorite thing to do on Saturdays? Sex

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4

38. Who is your loudest friend? Me (I have quiet low-key friends! Yes, I really do. They are called "nice people"

39. How many dogs do you have? 2 but don't let them know. They think they are children
40. Does someone have a crush on you? My cat Styx he loooovvvvveeeeesssss me

41. What is your favorite book(s)? Murder, mayhem

42. What is your favorite candy? Good-n-Plenty...Choo Charlie say "love my good n plenty, choo-choo Charlie says really rings my bell"

43. Favorite Sports Team? Whoever is "running from the bulls"

44. Your favorite meal? Ribs! BBQ ribs, Ribs-n-Sauerkraut

45. What were you doing 12 Am last night? Peeing...dammit now I really have to go!!!

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up ? Where is husband with my coffee?

And in closing...please feel free to just say "oh, shit, not more of this crap" and read another post. LOL

This is MY FRIDAY

THIS is my FRIDAY, at 1p today I will officially start my Memorial Day weekend!


Catch-up:

On Monday I told my 2 favorite bosses that I was looking for another job because of the bi-polar nazi. They were very upset but acknowledged that there was nothing they could do and they totally agreed with me on everything. They wished she would go instead but said that wouldn't happen either.

It is really sad because of her "connection" to the owners personal and business affairs the sons hands are tied. They also acknowledged that her knowledge of their financial information is not something they are happy about either.


So in honor of this being my FRIDAY and the bi-polar nazi that is in my office here is a special link:

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

Cheer Banquet, THE DRESS and T-ball

I won't do a whole post on this since I know Kheatherg wants to do one. Again G-mom will defer for the sake of her child. But, here are some pics and of course the DRESS.
Frankly, now that I see it in the pictures I'm not as fond of it as I thought. I think it makes me look heavier than I am. Husband and daughter say No. Guess I'll always have that "fat girl" in my head. Anyway here goes. BTW G-D#1 got 2 awards, Most improved and Cheerleading. BOTH coaches started out with..."This girl always has a smile on her face and she talks and talks and talks". Guess if you know her mom and I THAT'S not surprising!



G-D#1 with her awards



Us, again. Here is the whole dress. I'm just not a dress person. LOL





Here G-son on his final T-ball game for the season. He was soooo proud.

Friday Quickie....aren't they the best kind?

Quickie #1:

I bought a dress! Yep, a real, no skort, must wear a slip & heels dress.
For those that don't know me, I don't like dresses. Didn't like to wear them when I was fat, designers think Chunky people should wear FLOWERS,CHECKS and MULTI-COLORED STRIPES. I lose a little weight, now designers think 50yo women should wear something designed for the 25-35 group. I just didn't have the time to deal with all the bullshit, slap on shorts and a t-shirt and I'm outta here.

Husband loves me in a dress, why I have no idea. In my heart of hearts I would like to think because it allows easy access like his baggy shorts but, its probably because he likes to see me dressed up once in a while.

G-d#1 has her Cheer banquet tonight and I need to wear a dress, semi-dressy. Saturday is a "business casual", whatever that means because I wear shorts, Capri's and jeans to my business cause its casual, Mystery Dinner Theatre thing we are going to with a group of friends. Same dress two days*. *I will wash, jeez you guys. I will post a picture or two.


Quickie #2:
Well it looks like 5 weeks later I might get an interview from the resume I sent out. LOL Sometime next week after Tuesday.

Quickie #3:
The camping Nazi (aka daughter) finally e-mailed our list of food to bring. Not as rigid or demanding as last years Memorial day...is she changing?

That's all folks, have a great weekend and I'll post soon with dress pics. Whhhoooo!

Oops one more point of interest. One of the guys I work with lost his father this week. He passed in his sleep. I felt sorry for this guy, after all it was his dad. I read the obits and saw the name. The man was a 100yo and had 18 children! I bought my friend a card. we discussed his dad and he was very proud that he had lived so long and had such a full life. He was fairly healthy and passed peacefully.

SMR

Does your husband have:
S - elective
M - emory
R - elapse

or SMR? Mine does....alot lately.

Previously at the house of grammice: 1 week ago

Going camping Memorial day weekend. My folks, daughter and her family and us, an annual looked forward to event.
My folks were going to stay an extra day and leave their camper at daughters house then on Tuesday the husband & I would take off from work and hang out with my folks. They wanted to go to Costco and a few other places while they were in the area.

I told this to husband and he agreed to take off Tuesday. I also put in for the day off.

Saturday:
Speak to folks. They aren't staying the extra day as planned. They are leaving the following weekend for another camping trip so they felt like going home and re-grouping might be better. Told husband as soon as I hung up the phone. We discussed (sitting directly across from each other and looking at each other, no miscommunication excuse) and decided to take the day off anyway. (I finally have 2 weeks vacation & he has 3)

Fast forward to today..approximately 10:20am:
Call husband at work
Me: Did you remember to mark the calendar so everyone would know you won't be back till Wednesday after Memorial day?

SMR Husband: Why? What are we doing that Tuesday?

Me: (silently hoping he was joking) Remember? Mom & dad were gonna stay but decided not to we talked about it Saturday after I hung up the phone and you said that was fine.

SMR Husband: No, what are we doing? (This man definitely has a death wish)

Me: Saturday, remember on the back porch? I don't know that we will DO anything right now but we might change our minds.

SMR Husband: I'll see, I don't know who will be here (work)

Me: Whatever, don't worry about it I gotta go.

SMR Husband: Wait, hows your day going?

Me: fine, I gotta go

UNBELIEVABLE!!! I know I've been a little stressed lately with the shorter hours and money etc. but I'm not deaf, dumb or stupid. I KNOW when I talk to people and when I don't. I may not remember your name BUT, I usually remember the conversation.
He came home just as friendly as always, not a clue. Its times like this that I would like to smack him with a frying pan just to see if he would remember that! I had an "aunt" that used to do that when her husband would come home drunked up, he could never figure out where that big 'ol knot came from. We always figured she'd kill him one day. Now I think maybe he had SMR and the only time she could get even was when he was drunked up!

Miracles really do exist...

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box, bounces down the counter and you have 75 ft of foil to try and re-roll. Once you get it re-rolled its all crooked and never, ever comes out the same again.

Well thanks to the wonderful world of E-mail I got this from a friend of mine today.

"Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, "Press here to lock end". Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up."

Well, maybe at 50 simple things excited me more, who knows but...HOT DAMN! I immediately came home grabbed every roll-out item I have in my cabinet and WoooHoooo Its true! They ALL have the little push in tabs. I set down my purse and proceeded to push in all those little tabs on all those rolls. Parchment paper, saran wrap, aluminum foil, wax paper!!! OMG Miracle of miracles.
I then ran back to our den and thought "I must share, this small miracle with everyone."

Go now and PUSH THOSE TABS PEOPLE!!!

Bits and Pieces

OOO Its' finally Mother's Day! I hope everyone has a wonderful day. We deserve it!

Going to the grocery to buy ingredients for three Drunk potato casseroles and a banana split pie, Ambitious

Spending and hour and half shopping because the store is packed, Nerve wracking

Realizing you forgot your wallet and have no money to pay for groceries.... Du-huh!

Husband wash, dried and folded all the laundry, made dinner last night, did the the dishes and let me sleep-in till 7a!

On another note, I got a bike for Mother's Day to use when we go camping and such. I'm so excited! Took a spin yesterday and had the time of my life. Now all I need is a few cards and clothes pins to put on my spokes so I can make that really cool "motorcycle" noise.
Happy Mother's Day toooo meeeeeee

Chocolate and water?

Wednesday night I went for pizza and beer with my neighbor. We were gone about an hour. Husband was finishing his golf game (since its light til almost 9 now) so he wasn't home either.
We bought new phones and I never changed the factory set voice on the answering machine..just lazy. Well while were gone we had 3 hang up calls and one voice mail..if you could call it that.

VM#1-3 - Loud racket, background noise, hang up.

VM#4 - "Mommy, that damn man is answering g-moms phone again!" The phone slams down.

Call daughter, "did you call?"

"No, 5 did."

"Whats the matter?"

"You bought him chocolate for his milk and I ran out of milk so he wanted to mix the chocolate with water and I wouldn't let him. He decided to call you because you would let him but every time he called your machine picked up and it pissed him off because some "damn man" was answering your phone."

"Oh, sorry, does he still need me?"

"No, he's over it now."

I told husband about it, after we got tickled with the "damn man" thing he said
"G-mom, that's just nasty you wouldn't have let him do it."

"Why not?"

"Because its nasty, it would make him sick."

"No, it wouldn't and every kid has to try the chocolate/water thing growing up, its a right of passage to try new stuff that turns out nasty."

"Your weird, and no, I didn't do that."

"Well I did and its nasty, that's why you don't like to try new things, you never did "cool stuff" growing up."

"No, that just means I have more sense than you do."

"No, that just means YOUR chicken shit and I'm not!"

Annoying your sister 101

"Will you stop smackin' your nasty elephant lips in my ear!"


G-daughter #2 - 12yo and g-son - 5yo have a mission. While not being acknowledged when caught, their mission as I understand it is to make their 13yo old sisters', life a living hell with obnoxious noises, touching her stuff, standing/being or looking like they know her and the worst thing...."dressing worse than a homeless person".

OBNOXIOUS NOISES......
G-daughter #1 is totally fed-up with the "nasty, grass-muncher" that is sitting in the backseat of my truck trying to suck a Wendy's Frosty thru a straw (on purpose I'm sure). The culprit? Her 12yo sister egged on by her 5yo brother who is taking the Wendy's spoon, still in plastic and holding it up to his sisters ear and crinkling the plastic, then promptly turns to g-daughter #2 and says "Quit doin' that with your lips open", then laughs when I tell them to stop and "leave your sister alone"!
G-son starts smackin his lips together and makes farting noises with his lips or cheek (somewhere on his body) and says GD#1, GD#2 is making those noises again". And we continue the LOOOONNNNGGGGG drive to drop off the two "nasty grass munchers" before taking #1 to school where she will be blissfully embraced by others of her kind.

DRESSING WORSE THAN A HOMELESS PERSON....
Example #1
As noted first hand when I took all three of them to the dentist today. GD#1 is walking ahead of us by 15-20' (making sure we don't look like we all rode together) when she suddenly turns on her heel faces GD#2 and says,
"Why do you dress like a nerd with me", then starts tugging at her shirt, twisting and turning her jeans I thought for sure she was going to shake her out like you do when you put a pillow in a pillowcase! Turns to me and says,
"See g-mom THIS is what I'm talking about"! Then promptly turns her loose and says "there now you can go in." GD#2 turns to me and says "G-mom isn't this what I looked like before?" "I think so honey, but she likes you now." And we continued into the dentist.

Example #2
Evidently after your 1st braces check-up you get a SMILE shirt from the dentist. Black with SMILE in big colorful letters. Daughter is paying for this and g-sons Treasure Box visit in her monthly "mouth mortgage" payment. Well, #1 wore her shirt and #2 GOT her shirt. She was very excited. Then she did the "thing". She put it ON!!! She just stood there and pulled it on over her other shirt and SMILED!
OMG! NOOOOOOO #1 looks at her, eyes wide and says "#2 What are you doing? You look stupid, TAKE IT OFF! God, see what I have to put up with"? #2 Looks at her, then takes it off. #1 then tells me how her "efforts" to teach her how to dress are wasted because she does "stuff like that in public". I'm confused because #1 had HER shirt on over her shirt when she went in. I did mention that...#2 said "yeah #1, you had yours on like that". Poor thing she was clinging to something I said trying to defend her "faux paux". When #1 just turns and looks at us like we have lost our minds to even question her style and says "But, I look cool and she looks stupid".
OK, NOW I get it. Stupid me.


LOOKING LIKE WE KNOW HER......
As we are sitting down #2 decides to sit NEXT to her sister. #1 could not roll her eyes any further around. "G-mom,WHY does she have to sit THERE?" "Why? What's wrong with there?". "She needs to sit outside." "#1, leave your sister alone, shes' fine where she is, shes not touching or looking at you, granted she probably is breathing a tad bit more of your air than you usually allow, but its all good."
More eye rolling, scooching over to the far armrest. I'm glancing up thinking "why doesn't SHE move if its so awful?" What the hell do I know?

TOUCHING HER STUFF.....This one is mostly g-son.
He adores "touching her stuff" every single last bit! He will go through her room touch something, she will yell at him, go after him and he will scream with joy while running from her and touching every single item he can reach on the way out the door!
He jumps on her made bed, puts his "gnarly bug-head" on her pillow, opens her jewelry box, investigates her Cheer bag, note books and back pack!
He will put his finger on her plate, he will touch her food, drink out of her cup (without permission) and steal food off her plate.
He butts in when shes trying to get dressed, he makes fun of her hair or clothes and calls her names. She threatens to give him away, punch him out or send him to live with whatever boogerman she can think of.
They love each other.

I keep telling #1 that someday she will sit around with the "grass-muncher" and "gnarly bug-head" and laugh about all this stuff, because they are brother and sisters and they really love each other.
She slowly turns, looks and squints her eyes at me and says "In the same room? The way they dress? UH-Huh, I don't want anyone to know I know them"!

Post Hump day

Tickets to see Elton John in concert - $200 (free,really)

Pedicure and hair appointment - $75.00 (Not that he would like me anyway)

Drinking waaaaaay toooo much and staying up till midnight and forgetting to put your partials(teeth)in before you go to work at 6am - PRICELESS


Totally awesome night and a special Thank you to "the" boss who said I could go too!

I'm NOT lazy...

I've sent a resume out on another, job a week ago. I'm (hopefully) gonna get an interview this week, so the rumor mill has said. Its' 2 miles from my house pretty much doing the same thing BUT no bi-polar and a 1 person office.
I am totally stressin' the last couple weeks. Think I might be starting men-O-pause!!! LOL Some stupid things that have happened:

Bi-polar got a new locking mailbox for the office....wouldn't give me the key. LOL I guess I can't be trusted.

My hours have been cut, I think I did a post already on that one.

Seems like I'm losing my memory, see above, e.g. made a cake the other day forgot eggs. Took them out of fridge. Duh-huh

Dancing at a show got singing the song (Good Ol Rockin Roll) forgot to dance. Duh-huh#2

I DO have cataracts but they are still small enough not to worry about but, they are there due to growing up on the beach and never wearing sunglasses or sunscreen back in the day. WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES!!!

Husband said I have been on the "verge of mean" lately.

I haven't posted a damn thing. I've sat in front of my keypad thinking "No, that sounds too bitchy", "No, that's stupid". So frankly you guys will be getting the best of both worlds in this post.

Worked in the yard Sunday, weeded, transplanted, raked and hedge trimmered...today is Monday and I'm walking like a "Saturday night whore after a political convention". No offense.

That's' all guys...As soon as I hear something on the job front you guys will be the first to know after husband, daughter, mom and dad, my friend E.....

Daughter, I'm bored and other things when your home alone

They cut my hours at work. 7a to 1p. Bi-polar has convinced the bosses wife I do nothing during the day but play on the computer.
Getting off at my normal 3 wasn't so bad, I usually had a couple hours of wind-down time, then everybody was home. Well, at 1p NOBODY is home, I'm home alone. I have been doing this for two days and daughter has already started threatening me.
Day 1:
"Hi, honey, its' me, mom, whatcha doin?"
"I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, I'm bored."
"Ma, you need to find something to do, I'm busy".
Day 2:
"Hi, whatcha doin?"
"Hi, Ma, I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, watching TV, I finished my chores."
"Ma, I'm busy."
"Well, pass the phone to someone whos not busy."
(laughing) "No, Ma, you need to find something to do, call E. You can't keep calling me, I'm busy."
Doesn't sound like she loves me.

Called husband:
"Want to come home for wild sex"?
"No honey, I'm working".
"You're the boss leave early".
"No, honey, find something to do."
"I did, but you ruined it".
"Bye, honey, I love you." click

I make the coffe, empty the dishwasher, make a vodka and grapefruit and read the paper. Damn that was 20 minutes.

Now, I'm bugging you guys.

I could make prank calls but with all the technology somebody would call me back and they would be serious about putting Prince Albert in a can.

OO I thought, clean out your closet, get rid of your fat clothes, clean off the shelves, throw out that prom dress from daughters high school that has been sitting in the dryclean pile since 1988.

Sew a button on husbands shirt/shorts.

The problem is thats all WORK! It looks like work, smells like work and most definitely will feel like work while doing it. NOPE, not gonna do that, I got off WORK at 1p.

I could drive around and VISIT daughter at work, but diesel is $4 a gallon, plus she probably would kill me. I would like sit at her desk and say things like
"Can I help you"?
"How come your doing it that way, its easier if you do it this way".
"Whats in here (as I slowly open what happens to be her bosses office door).
"Where is everybody? Wanna call them"?
"Ewwwww, whats this green stuff in the fridge? Who cleans this thing out? Want me to do it"? (hopeful gleam in my eye)

I could catch up on my e-mail. Delete, delete, delete glad thats done.

Everyone I know works alllllll day. I'm bored home alone!!!!!

Watched a little TV. Good God, has anyone seen "Maury" Lately? Wasn't that girl on last year testing guy number 34 to find her baby daddy? She was SO positive this old guy was the daddy. That poor child looks like every man she has slept with! "See he got his nose". Please don't make me go there...

How about "Make me a super model"? Jiminy shit I didn't even know the good looking guy was gay and he was dating someone that wasn't gonna make the "super model" cut!
Well, actually in the finale I think he confessed he wasn't really "all that interested in maintaining the relationship". Uh-Oh User!

"Housewives of New York City"? What the HELL is wrong with super rich people? Husband doesn't let wife out of sight. They spent 3 years on a waiting list for PRE-K!!! They finally met someone that could help "network" them into an "A-list" school. Go buy some designer clothes and give my bored ass a break!

"Monk"! I love that man! But after I watched a marathon this weekend I started counting tiles in Publix, sorting my groceries in the basket..oh wait I already do that. I took notes when he was meeting with his therapist.

Husband just got home...took one look at me an the hopeful look on my face and said "No, I'm getting a beer first"!
He did hand me a statistic that I thought you guys might enjoy.

"A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study has found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon".

I'm still bored, but I'm not home alone and if my timings right he just might be finished with that beer!

WTF Friday

I could say its been a helluva week...but we all knew with everyone gone bi-polar would be on her "best" behavior. Currently up to 2 vodka & grapefruit after work this week. LOL
So like this week hasn't been a hoot already with her various "rants and raves" I open up my news website today and THIS is what I get slapped with!

Oprah Winfrey
By Michael Conlon, Reuters
4 hours ago
CHICAGO —
A transgender man who is six months pregnant said in an interview aired by Oprah Winfrey on Thursday that he always wanted to have a child and considers it a miracle.

"It's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human desire," a thinly bearded Thomas Beatie said. "I have a very stable male identity," he added, saying that pregnancy neither defines him nor makes him feel feminine.

Beatie, 34, who lives in Oregon, was born a woman but decided to become a man 10 years ago. He began taking testosterone treatments and had breast surgery to remove glands and flatten his chest.

"I opted not to do anything with my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day," he told the talk show host. Beatie's wife Nancy said she inseminated him with a syringe using sperm purchased from a bank.

Now, he said, his size 32 jeans are getting a bit tight and his shirts are a bit stretched.

Nancy, to whom he has been married for five years and who has two grown daughters by a previous marriage, also appeared on the show, saying the couple's roles will not change once the baby is born.

"He's going to be the father and I'm going to be the mother," she said. Their marriage is legal and he is recognized under state law as a man.

The couple was shown on video provided by People Magazine, which collaborated with Winfrey on the show, showing the room that will be the baby's nursery. Beatie said the little girl was going to be "daddy's little princess."

The couple was also filmed in their hometown of Bend, Oregon, where he underwent an ultrasound showing the baby in his womb.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe she's inside me," Beatie said while watching the ultrasound image. "We see her as our little miracle."

His obstetrician, Dr. Kimberly James, who practices in the Oregon town, told Winfrey, "This is a normal pregnancy."

She said Beatie stopped taking testosterone two years ago and his levels of the hormone are normal.

"This baby is totally healthy," she said. "This is what I consider a normal pregnancy."

OK, I shortened the article for posting BUT, a couple of key points here just made me do another Friday WTF!!!!

"This is a normal pregnancy."
"I have a very stable male identity"

First, define "normal"?
Will we now hear women ask men "OOOO whens your baby due"?

Will we have men's' maternity wear? You know for the business man that has to look professional even with swollen ankles?

Who gets the breast pump at the baby shower? Do you invite only men to the baby shower? What kind of shower games do you play? Pin the tail on the quarterback? WHAT IS proper baby shower etiquette?

WHY didn't the wife get pregnant? Yes, she could be unable to after already having two grown children....but WHY would she want her husband to experience childbirth?
That changes the whole "Until you can squeeze a watermelon out of your ass" argument.

Frankly regardless of "his" innards if you want to be a MAN be a MAN! Men who want children usually let their wives handle the "burp and squat". Matter of fact I can't think of one man I know who is willing to take on the whole pregnancy/childbirth experience.

How does/will society treat this? I mean true Oprah does carry some weight on a lot of topics but how far can she actually carry this man-preggers thing?

At 50yo when I was in the 3rd grade the kinda thing the "future" held was flying cars, totally cool "Flash Gordon" clothes and life was pretty much "The Jetsons".
NO WHERE did "men" get pregnant, There were no pregnant men walking around. Now I know he isn't really a "he" physically BUT he looks like a "he" now and I'm not sure how I feel about seeing a mans body preggers.

We are a nation of "prudes" in a whole lot of ways. Abortion, gay rights, racism, cloning etc. etc. What about this child as she grows up? Will her parents be honest about her conception and birth? I can hear the first "Mommy where did I come from"? conversation. "Well, honey you were in daddy's' tummy and..."

Will she be ostracized because her daddy gave birth to her? Well there be more of these birth experiences and this will not be abnormal or should I say out of the ordinary?

Who knows in the meantime I wonder if hes' going to have an "eppie" or natural childbirth? Will he go to Lamaze classes? That in its self would make an interesting post..don'tcha' think?

Friday quickies

Weatherchazer has a post up. Go by and say Hi.

Here's' a new recipe for fruit dip. I had to trade a home made blueberry pie for it and I think I ended up with the better end of the deal.
1 Jar Marshmallow Fluff
1 pkg. Philadelphia Cream Cheese (I use 1/3 fat)
Surround with fruit.

I will be dancing at a Springtime show tonight.

Its PAYDAY!!!!!

I lost the 5lbs I gained.

Nobody has gotten ugly about my last post. (Of course I've only had 1 comment LOL)

Spring has finally come to the south, dogwoods bloom everywhere and my truck is yellow!

My husband is going to make his world famous ribs on the grill Saturday nite and my friend & her husband are coming to dinner.

I'm playing golf Sunday morning. Now aren't you guys impressed?

Hmmmm what else? Oh Costco will be opening soon. I'm hoping that will work out better than Sam's.

Went to g-sons T-ball game Tuesday nite. God those kids are cute. Punching their fists in their glove while waiting for the ball. My g-son turns his hat backwards and does the occasional spit while in the outfield. Daughter has pics I'm hoping she'll post soon. HINT! HINT!

Well, have a great weekend everyone. I don't know how much I will be able to post next week. Bipolar will be here with owners' wife and one of my bosses is going on vacation. So I will be pretty much at Bipolars' mercy, the bosses wife thinks her word is gospel and she has so much work to do. LOL

THIS is whats wrong with America!

ASHLAND, Ky. (WSAZ) --
A mother says the straws she bought for her three-year-old daughter were shaped like a male sex organ. Andrea Bailey says she went shopping at the Ashland Wal-Mart on Thursday, February 28th, and bought a package of fun straws for her three 3-year-old daughter, Ashlynn.

Bailey says Ashlynn came in and used one shaped like a heart. A couple others in the package, though, were shaped like something different. "There are two of them that are shaped like the male private area," said Bailey.
"I called Wal-Mart and they very rude with me about it. They acted like I was lying, like I was making it all up. You know, I would never make something up like that, especially about my little girl. But, that's just how they treated me and it just not right," Bailey said.

A communications representative at Wal-Mart corporate headquarters e-mailed us a response:
"At Wal-Mart we take customer questions and concerns seriously," said the spokesperson in a statement. After being contacted on this matter, Wal-Mart pulled the product in question from our shelves and is investigating the claim. Of course, our customer is welcome to return the item for a refund, if they would like."

Wal-Mart informed us the straws came from a manufacturer called Eagle Marks Corporation. We could not obtain contact information for the company from our own search or Wal-Mart officials.

Andrea Bailey says her concern is not the $1.69 she paid for the straws, but what might happen to other families with kids a little older than Ashlynn.
We searched at three other Wal-Mart stores in three different states last week, and found no fun straws on any shelves.
A Wal-Mart corporate communications spokesperson told us the regional stores were aware of the flap, and Wal-Mart was reviewing the product.




(Please accept my apology, in advance, for offending a shitload of mothers that in real life I truly admire but on something like this I go blind with the WTF's)

Your child had no idea it was anything different than a fun straw. But you and your stepford friends have decided that this will be your 15 minutes of fame! You are saving the younger generation from perversion that is readily available on the shelves. You will be the "talk of the town". If you aren't already. Did you OOOO and AHHHHH over the state of the world while fondling these straws and passing them around? So that others may share your warped view?

You probably let your child sit for hours in front of the TV watching Barney, Sesame Street, Nickelodean and all that other "mentally-healthy" shit, Game boys and Ipods abound. You probably pick their friends for special playdates. It has never occurred to you NOT to completely run every aspect of your childs life, the best schools, the nicest clothes, being politically correct at all times and oh DON'T ever mention S-E-X! After all if you do discuss the "male private area" or "female private area" it could lead to an open and frank discussion that would lead to respect and enlightenment and MAYBE, just MAYBE, that generation won't have the high rate STD's, teenage pregnancy and lack of direction so many kids have now.

Please, please don't make something out of NOTHING!

Again, I apologize for going off on a tangent but, I get so very frustrated. Those who read my posts know I'm not a "hater" but sometimes things are just wrong. In my opinion (like assholes, everyone has one) this is so WTF!

OOOO it's so good.......

Daughter sent this to me and I made them for Easter dinner "whores-da-ovaries". Hmmmmmm totally awesome. This website has some really good recipes. I've tried several. Thought everyone might like to try these, they are easy, quick to make and everyone will love you.

http://thepioneerwomancooks.com/2007/12/flashback_1981_-_holiday_bacon_appetizers.html

Couple of tips:
Use regular, not thick sliced bacon. WATCH oven time. I have a GE-dual fuel and they cooked in 1hr. 20m versus 2hrs. I used reduced fat Club crackers, reduced fat cheese (brand as shown). 1 sleeve of crackers = 1 lb of bacon cut in 1/2. They go fast so I suggest you make plenty.

OMG these babies are totally awesome. Make sure you serve fresh from oven.
I wanted to take pictures but they were eaten in about 2 min.!

It was suggested a good side for dipping might be in order but we couldn't agree. So if anyone has a suggestion please feel free to pony up with the recipe!

We call them "Bacon Slackers", when asked what they were called, I said "Bacon crackers" and the next thing I know "Bacon Slackers" was born.

Easter funny stuff.....

The Glorious Easter Egg:

Husband: Did the dog shit in the house?
Me: No, why....OOOOOOO Munch did you fart?
Dog 1: Who me? Tail wagging, spreading the aroma, big brown eyes looking at you. Then gets totally embarrassed, hangs head and drops tail.
Husband: Come on buddy, you need to go out and get rid of that!
Few minutes later....
Me: You let Munch in?
Husband: No, ewwwwwww wheres Katie?
Me: Kate, you fart?
Dog 2: You bet! Jumps up wags tail and cracks audible one off! Yep I did, plenty more where that came from! She has no shame. Guess that's why she's my dog.
Me: OMG, did you hear that? OUT! Kate! Out NOW!!!!

Hide and go seek:

Last year while cleaning house (about 2 weeks after Easter) I found a plastic egg half buried in my potpourri basket on the coffee table. Awww, isn't that cute I thought, while picking up the egg. Hmmmm feels heavy, wonder whats in it? Open plastic egg! OMG, ACCCKKKK, shit, shit, ACCKKKK, OMG! OMG!
G-son,(found out later)had put a REAL hard boiled egg into a plastic egg and set it in basket with other glass eggs. It had "jellied" like a rotting corpse in its plastic shell. The smell! I ran outside to the trash can, dumped everything into a plastic bag, tied it off, poured bleach on the bag and moved the can to the neighbors house. LOL (not really).

Pre-In law Easter days:

When I met my husband the kids were young. Daughter 4, son 2. It was a shock to his very conservative family. He's a few years younger and I'm THE divorcee with 2 kids. Yeehaw. Anyway, we are invited to Easter dinner with the whole family. Husbands mother at the time was quite heavy and wore bright colored moo-moos. They asked that everyone come sit down at the table to say grace. I'm being very polite and boosting daughter into a chair and look over and son has OMG!! Lifted my pre-MIL's moo-moo and pops her butt and says "Sit down, dammit"!!! Wishing I could just melt into the floral wallpaper I grab son and in my best "good mommy" voice say "O no honey don't do that." We all then sat down and said grace and I silently prayed that my pre-husband would not dump me right after dinner.

Did you know....

Peanut butter eggs can go bad. You bet. Especially when they slide down the backseat of your truck and the temperature is averaging 90-100.
(Reason 101 why I hate Peanut butter!)

Food coloring does not wash off...especially when you drop the egg in the bowl and it splashes on your face like blue freckles.

Up to 5 pieces of Easter gum will fit in a 3 year olds mouth and then promptly be deposited on to the table with an equal amount of spit when told to "OMG spit all that out!"

HAPPY EASTER everyone and if you decide to comment instead of lurk dash me off a Easter funny!

Just a quickie

Getting away for the weekend. If you have read Kheatherg lately you know she will be watching the house and the pets. ONE whole day and ONE whole night. I have had to agree to them doing pay per view, leaving $20 for pizza, buying bacon and eggs so she can take them HOME on Sunday to cook breakfast, bought lunch meat, bread and cereal because she was going to be there "around lunch time".
Need I remind everyone that while she was out of town I had her children. I picked them up from the house, ran to CHEER practice to drop off 1, fed the other 2, ran back out picked up 1 again, stopped and bought medicine for one of them, fed, breakfast, snack, snack, more snack, lunch and dinner and desert for 2 nights/2.5 days. Took G-son #1 to T-ball, g-daughters 1&2 to the mall for haircuts and earrings. All in All the weekend cost me about $200. Did SHE LEAVE me $20 for pizza oh, hell NO, I'm the G-mom I'm SUPPOSED to do that. LOL
Going on Vacation Now!

A mother knows these things..

Since the Kheather lives within spittin' distance and we talk several times a day I pretty much know what, where and whom shes doing something with. Not so with the son. Granted he's 30yo, has a live in girlfriend, he lives in south Florida and can take care of himself but, he should still follow ET's lead and "phone home"!

We hadn't heard from him in over 2 weeks. I e-mailed, left voice mail last week then 2 this weekend. I tried to leave voice mail on her phone but her box was full. Now this is a girl who who speaks with her mom, who lives up north 4-5 times a day. Why the hell is her voice mail full?
After no call backs I'm picturing the worst but, not panicking.

Car in ditch that can't be seen from the road, their poor mangled bodies begging for their mommies and no one knows their there (for 2 weeks God bless 'em they are hanging on for us). They are victims of a home invasion and are duck taped to their chairs begging for their mommies and water and a pee break, (again for 2 weeks). Since he travels by airplane quite a bit there has been an awful plane crash, (that didn't make the news of course, for 2 weeks) and know one will tell me because they are worried I couldn't take it. He has been kidnapped and his girlfriend is desperately trying to get the money together to save him but she is afraid to tell anyone because of what the kidnappers said! (patient kidnappers, they have waited 2 weeks)
You know, a mother knows these things. I said something to husband, he will call his dad to ask or get an opinion since they both deal in financing.

"Have you heard from son"?
"No"
"Not at all for 2 weeks"!?
"No, honey that's what I said".
"Are you worried, have you tried to call him"?
"No and no I haven't tried to call him, why"?
"He could be hurt or dead".
"Somebody would have told us".
"Why"?
"Honey he will call, just leave him a message to call you that you're worried, he will call".
"Easy for you to say"! (T-totally PO'd that he is not seeing this as clearly as I am, a mother knows these things)

Call daughter
"You heard from your brother"?
"No, why"?
"I haven't either, I'm worried".
"So, just call him, I'm working in the yard I'll call you back".
(shes' going back to work in the yard!!!! That's her brother!!! OMG she's calling her dad to see if they should tell me the "bad news!)

10 minutes later the phone rings, my heart nearly jumps thru my chest...its' her, she talked to her dad and .....
"Ma, just call him and tell him to call by 5 or your having the sheriff's office do a well being check".
"No, that will upset him".
"I'm worried about you, just call him he will call you, bye ma".

He phoned home. He wasn't laying in a ditch crying out my name, not duct taped to a chair crying out my name, not in a plane crash and not kidnapped, just plain ass-hole to alligators busy trying to get ready to move and meet corporate deadlines. He laughed when I told him I was worried. "Come on mom, somebody would have called you if something happened, g-friend would be the first". Yeah I hear him...... a mother knows these things!

....And I didn't cry once!

As everyone knows the last week has been a little busy and after Tuesday's post I really "just didn't feel like it". But, I'm back, its Saturday and the husband is working and I have BIRTHDAY CAKE pictures to post!

First let me say that I will probably never, ever make another castle cake again. Good God almighty. Both practice cakes did well but, as usual the real thing brought me to my knees. Let me state for the record I am NOT a professional. I am G-MOM and I love to bake my g-kids their birthday cakes. G-son just tested my patience and my creativity! Frankly, I was too damn nervous to even drink before I made this bad boy. To re-hash he wanted a castle on a moat with dinosaurs, cars, army men, ice cream and animals. As everyone knows you don't DARE leave anything out. Because no matter how sloppy or professional you will hear "G-mom, wheres the dinosaurs? I thought I said put dinosaurs on it". Which will cause you to have a murderous thought towards your sweet little shit of a grandson. But, I managed to put everything he asked for on the cake.

Cake making day went well, bi-polar didn't bother me so I wasn't pissed or stressin'. I came home mixed up the sheet cake, vanilla cream and the castle cake, chocolate fudge. I thought using one of those silicone forms would be easier, yeah OK maybe the first 2 times but not on the BIG ONE! I baked on Tuesday, froze until
Wednesday. Wednesday night I bring out the sheet cake cut in half long ways and layered vanilla and chocolate ice cream between the halfs. Set back in the freezer while I get my decorating implements out. Normally I use a butter knife to spread icing. It was good enough for my mother and her mother so why break a family tradition? This time I bought a Wilton Icing spreader...$5.95!!! I fell immediately in love. Smooth, even strokes. It was perfect. OOO I was so excited I ran to the garage and made the husband come watch how this thing worked. Needless to say I got the ever exciting comment of "Thats nice honey", and back he went to finish his beer. I sprayed my green and blue color for the moat, I drew my "walls" with a Wilton icing pen then sprayed them to look moldy. Back into the freezer. Pop out the castle. OMG one tower broke and fell off! Shit one is cracked too, DAMMIT its crooked as hell!!! OMG, OMG! Thats when the cussing started..loudly. "You stupid bitch, thats what you get for being so cocky about the moat, the cake Gods are gonna make you pay". Husband hears me and decided he might want to check on the level of violence going on in the kitchen. I have been known to pitch a whole dinner or dessert because I didn't think it looked, tasted or turned out right. Calmly, as only a banker can be he suggests that I squeeze the brown icing into the crack and around the bottom of the tower hold it with toothpicks and we will freeze it long enough to enable me decorate it. Thats after I cut the bottom and try to level it off. That was a cluster $%^K. Finally I decided it was sitting on a hill top on one side. I took Wilton Cookie icing and outlined every door, window and block. The day of the party I placed the castle on the sheet cake moat and added all the things the g-son wanted. I am proud to say that despite two meltdowns I didn't cry once! I'm surprised the words coming out of my mouth didn't melt everything but I didn't cry!
Everyone thought it looked great and tasted even better. G-son declared it "AWESOME" and his BFF said I was "COOL". So there you go.









Here is the birthday boy admiring his cake and enjoying his "Big Cheese of the night"
birthday drink.




For those that don't remember, I had enjoyed a relatively "Chucky Cheese" free grandma-hood up until the woman in this picture ruined it!!!! Daughters' BFF, one trip on a rainey teacher planning day a BAM! Thats where we are spending Valentines Day. Pizza, no beer, a singing mouse and the biggest brightest smile on the cutest 5 year old ever.





And at the end for a kid who would never, ever hug Yogi Bear when we went on vacation but swore every year that "this time I'll hug him, OK grandma"?
it was all worth it.

Today

My friend passed away today. She was 86 and had Alzheimer's/Lewy Barrs disease. "The mom" was the mother of my friend that lives around the corner from me. E and I go to dance class together and she worked with my husband until her parents moved here. Her father passed away shortly after moving here and E took over care of "the mom" which meant leaving her job and being a full time watcher. The mom was a feisty woman who only knew me as the girl who would "walk from Connecticut" to come visit. Over the last year plus I would go down to visit a couple of times a week, plus dinner out with E and her mom. E would tell me, "my mom just loves you, you live in her world". When her mom spent a day thinking she was a vampire/werewolf and was afraid to go anywhere because she might "hurt someone" I told E to get a cross and garlic give them to her mom and tell her it would "protect her" from the change so E could at least get to the grocery. When she thought she had to catch a plane to fly home I told her, "the flight had been cancelled and she would be leaving when the weather cleared". She had kept E up most of the week getting up and getting dressed to leave for the airport. I wasn't being ugly or mean I was living in her world and it helped E just a little bit. How many times can you answer the same question every day repeatedly? E was wonderful with her mom. Her quality of life was awesome. She was never left out because she was "feeble minded". She wasn't, she had just lost a day, every day. The mom and I discussed my life and hers every time we saw each other. That was OK, it was her world and she enjoyed what she could remember. She loved margaritas. Oh, she sure did! I would visit and we would have a toddie and discuss my day. I was there last Wednesday, we had margaritas and we visited. "The mom" even got after me because I was "making them too slow and she was thirsty". I really truly grew to love this woman who never remembered me. I told E several times "I wish I had known your mom when she had her memories". E would tell me, she would have loved you but, my dad would have really loved you. I couldn't see that but, it made me feel good none the less. E has been through what no one should go through. Can you imagine your mom not knowing you? Or waking up 8-10 times a night for weeks on end because she has to use the bathroom and her arthritis is so bad she can't get out of bed? How about taking the knobs off your stove and putting kiddie locks, guards on everything in your house because your mom may burn the house down or leave in the middle of the night. E was lucky in a way, her moms arthritis didn't get bad until the last few weeks, she was also having more moments of clarity over several days. The mom hadn't gotten to the point that we all dreaded...assisted living or a nursing home. It was out there waiting to pop its ugly head out but for E's sanity it hadn't gotten that far.

The mom passed away today. She got a bowel obstruction and within 12 hours she passed away from the infection. She had a living will and when surgery was ruled out because of the infection and her other organs were now reacting to the infection it was decided to let her pass as peacefully and painlessly as possible. The way she wanted. When they removed her last IV drip she stopped breathing, her heart kept beating. E left with her girls and her husband stayed till she was pronounced. I stayed with him. E needed to be with her girls and they needed to be together. K (her husband) and I went back to her room. Her heart was still beating 70 beats right on the screen. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and said "mom, its me crazy grammice, its OK to go to the light, your husband, sister and son are waiting, its' beautiful and you will be so happy, be safe, I love you and thank you for so much". I gave her a hug and her heart stopped. Just like that.

I'm sad for the loss of my friend, I'm sad because her daughter E has watched her brother and her parents pass away and she has "lost her family", I'm sad because in her own way the mom thought I was neat and she could do and say whatever crossed her mind and I accepted her and she taught me too. I'm sad because I lost a friend.