Easter funny stuff.....

The Glorious Easter Egg:

Husband: Did the dog shit in the house?
Me: No, why....OOOOOOO Munch did you fart?
Dog 1: Who me? Tail wagging, spreading the aroma, big brown eyes looking at you. Then gets totally embarrassed, hangs head and drops tail.
Husband: Come on buddy, you need to go out and get rid of that!
Few minutes later....
Me: You let Munch in?
Husband: No, ewwwwwww wheres Katie?
Me: Kate, you fart?
Dog 2: You bet! Jumps up wags tail and cracks audible one off! Yep I did, plenty more where that came from! She has no shame. Guess that's why she's my dog.
Me: OMG, did you hear that? OUT! Kate! Out NOW!!!!

Hide and go seek:

Last year while cleaning house (about 2 weeks after Easter) I found a plastic egg half buried in my potpourri basket on the coffee table. Awww, isn't that cute I thought, while picking up the egg. Hmmmm feels heavy, wonder whats in it? Open plastic egg! OMG, ACCCKKKK, shit, shit, ACCKKKK, OMG! OMG!
G-son,(found out later)had put a REAL hard boiled egg into a plastic egg and set it in basket with other glass eggs. It had "jellied" like a rotting corpse in its plastic shell. The smell! I ran outside to the trash can, dumped everything into a plastic bag, tied it off, poured bleach on the bag and moved the can to the neighbors house. LOL (not really).

Pre-In law Easter days:

When I met my husband the kids were young. Daughter 4, son 2. It was a shock to his very conservative family. He's a few years younger and I'm THE divorcee with 2 kids. Yeehaw. Anyway, we are invited to Easter dinner with the whole family. Husbands mother at the time was quite heavy and wore bright colored moo-moos. They asked that everyone come sit down at the table to say grace. I'm being very polite and boosting daughter into a chair and look over and son has OMG!! Lifted my pre-MIL's moo-moo and pops her butt and says "Sit down, dammit"!!! Wishing I could just melt into the floral wallpaper I grab son and in my best "good mommy" voice say "O no honey don't do that." We all then sat down and said grace and I silently prayed that my pre-husband would not dump me right after dinner.

Did you know....

Peanut butter eggs can go bad. You bet. Especially when they slide down the backseat of your truck and the temperature is averaging 90-100.
(Reason 101 why I hate Peanut butter!)

Food coloring does not wash off...especially when you drop the egg in the bowl and it splashes on your face like blue freckles.

Up to 5 pieces of Easter gum will fit in a 3 year olds mouth and then promptly be deposited on to the table with an equal amount of spit when told to "OMG spit all that out!"

HAPPY EASTER everyone and if you decide to comment instead of lurk dash me off a Easter funny!