Boobs

As my family knows I finally did the tit squeeze thing. Mostly because I found something a few weeks back and each time I checked the uncertainty of what it was turned into a "oh, SHIT!" kind of certainty.

So, After the tit squeeze they did a sonogram & damned if I was right. They suggest I immediately make an appt. with my Dr. to make a decision about my "situation". The hell with that! I called my surgeon, anything that big has gotta go.

I am at the age where my 1st colonoscopy was done last year. Yep, ladies something to look forward too. A flashlight up your butt. Don't try that at home. Anyway, I figured since he had seen that end he miswell get to see the top half. Kinda round out the size 18 butt I showed him last year. Let him see the STS I have after a 40lbs weight loss.

Well, he was so pleased while doing my exam that not only did he find the "big one" I found, he found about SIX more lovelies. All no bigger than a .50 piece. On Tuesday the 5th all those lovlies will be removed. Out patient surgery no less. Not wanting one boob to be left out I have them spread somewhat unevenly between the "girls".

Painful, uncomfortable and stiff were all words he used. The one thing I did hear loud and clear "don't worry we have drugs for that". Prognosis? I really only have a small one that I had thought for years was a "bone" to be mildly worried about. Other than that we are good to go. Seems this thing is hereditary, my mother, back in the dark ages had about 8 removals done. Unfortunately, my daughter will mostly likely have the same thing.

I wanted to make this a little humerous but, as I sit here I keep thinking what if I hadn't checked? I actually didn't start checking until I was 47. Kept thinking "I really need to start doing that, I'll start tommorrow, or Monday".
Not good ladies. My surgeon said had I had a sonogram instead of a mammy these would have been caught long before I thought I was getting "Dolly Parton" boobs. See I'm not even 50 yet.

So regardless of your age, your health or procrastination check yourself. I'm very lucky at this point. But, the "stomach falling to your toes" and the tears when you do find something is a whole lot better to deal with when you find it yourself and you KNOW what to do, than the other reality of NOT knowing until its to late.

So come on everybody...hold your left arm over your head and ....

We are back....under protest

Weeereee baaaaaaaack! What can you say about three glorious days of sun, surf & alcohol! I say "Hot Damn"! I'm going to try and include some pics with this post so bear with me.

We survived:
1) Several meltdowns of younger g-daughter (the beautiful red-head).

2) G-son & his BF throwing punches 2 times.

3) A few "we don't have anything to do's".

4) Constant barage of "Grandma, mama is so MEAN".

5) G-son's BF getting his head caught in the critter net that was brought to catch minnows at the shore, which was hilarious but, he didn't think it was and had a meltdown cause we were laughing.

6) G-sons BF's brother "Tieman", not changing his shirt for 4 days because "it is his favorite" he slept, bathed, ate and swam in that shirt! We are greatful he wasn't wearing his favorite under wear!.

But other than that we fed them, yelled at them, loved them and sent them to bed.

Husband got a foot massage from Andi, she brought her oils.......he now loves her. Thats OK! He still loves me too...I don't have little kids at home. LOL
Ok so here we go with the pics...



The crew at our arrival! God love 'em


Going to the beach. Do you think we have enough stuff? Would you pick us up if we were hitchhiking?


The boys


The girls


The FAVORITE shirt!


Here is "Mama being MEAN! (I'm on the left being the "good G-mom".

Daughter called me "Dumb Ass" 19 times while I tried to "upload" my pics. Kept "losing" them in cyber space and I HAD to call her. Beg for her help cause I'm a dumb-ass. I lost the pics 2x's with her on the phone, which caused a barrage of "Mother, I can't help your dumb-ass if you won't fu$%*&ng listen to me and not be speed clicking on everything.

Thats enough for now I'm too stressed to do more. LOL

sh1ts and Giggles

Guess what?! Sh1ts and Giggles got a JOB!!! Now I'm sure shes' doing both at once!
I Just couldn't think of a good post, but when I got the call this afternoon.....the brain is flying. OOO she won't call me with another nightmare about the bill man, repo man, walking the floors worrying about July/August bills. (Yes she does that) Not that I mind. I'm the mom but, losing sleep (as we all know) makes us MEAN!!!

So the kids will be joyful. 4 goes back to full time school. 12, 10 will be very happy , I think they were as sick of her as she was getting of them. LOL The hubs is probably doing the "happy dance". I know her dad is very proud!. She will be in the same type of career (don't you love that word?) as I am. Jeans and T-shirts ARE office attire! So heres my little post after several days of being a "slacker" as anonymous wrote SEVERAL times in my comments, but I was trying to work and get overtime just in case July/August did get her! Not really but didn't that sound so martyr like? God its great to be the Mom!

I'm not a "slacker", I have "newbie-paranoia"

I not a slacker...really. I want to write creative, exciting, thought provoking and inspiring posts. I want readers to go "ooooo, shes' good." I had dreams when I first started posting. I thought, "this will be easy, my life is so abby-normal that I will be able to post every day!" People will be inspired by my diligence. Shit, reality set in.

I sit down at my computer. Type, type, type, read, re-read, spell check, delete! Start again. Flip over to Shitsandgiggles post, Weatherchazer post and several others. OOO their good. Inspired again....type, type, type. GOD! You are boring AND stupid - DELETE!

Walk away, smoke cigarette get another "great" idea. The process starts again, this time I leave it.
Several days go by...No comments! God, I am boring and stupid! Call daughter. She is very reassuring.

Me: "Nobody reads my posts. Did you read it?"

Daughter: "Not yet, I'm cooking dinner, feeding beasts, yelling at hubs."

Me: "When you gonna look at it? When you do tell me what you think, nobody reads it or leaves me a comment."

Daughter: Ma, look at your counter, not everyone leaves a comment."

Me: "Why? I comment on posts I read"

Daughter: "Your new."

Newbie-paranoia! I feel like Sally Fields when she won her Oscar when I get a comment, "You like me, you really like me."

Yeah, this ones stupid too! DELETE

The exchange rate

I married a banker. Yep, "Banker Dude", "Damn Banker", "Money Sucker". Yep I am a "bankers' wife". This has its good side and bad.

1) Bad: He always knows how much I spent, where I spent it and all within 20 min. of check out cause he can check on line.

2) Good: I don't have to balance anything or pay bills.

3) Bad: I can never surprise him with a present due to reason #1.

4) Good: He manipulates household money like a wizard.

I'm a bookkeeper by trade so not having to deal with money at home is a good thing. I am also a dinosaur. I never carry a checkbook, never use the credit card unless I check with husband 1st, hate shopping anywhere but Lowe's or the plant nursery and 90% of the time never have money on me. I forget. Other than work I usually have my "banker" with me. But enough history, you had to understand us a little bit to understand "The Exchange Rate" that runs our house.

THE EXCHANGE RATE:
I'll say, "husband I'm picking up g-son today need Icee $"...This usually gets me
$10-$20.

Get g-son, Icee & get change...... 5-7 days later still have change.
Go to breakfast with husband.......no $1.00's for tip.
He says: "Grammice you have any ones?"
Me: "Yeah, how many?"
Him: "4"?
Me: "yeah, what you gonna give me for them?
HIm: "I have a $5.... hell take the $10 you'll get a g-kid this week anyway."

Tada! "The Exchange Rate."

THE EXCHANGE RATE part 2:
This works for dollar bills and pocket coins (change): e.g.
"Grammice if you have change in your purse, I can pay cash for groceries and we will have exactly what we need?" (He is a stickler for exact change!!) (Being a g-mom I ALWAYS have change!)

I can Hand him my change then hold my hand out and look at him...this usually will illicit 3 to 5 bucks from him.

THE EXCHANGE RATE part 3:
The "store run".

Him: "Honey, if I give you money will you go get me beer"?
Me: "Sure".
Usually he hands me around $30.

Tada keep change. Call it at "Trip charge"!

Within 2 weeks I have usually managed to accrue $30-40.00 bucks scattered through out my pocketbook (this drives him nuts 'cause I don't have my dollars all neat facing the same way). Then I go through and keep back a $5 dollar bill for my wallet & put rest in my "piggy bank." Sometimes he will not ask me for change or bills because he doesn't have enough to cover "The Exchange Rate". I will then let him slide and tell him he can pay me next time.


Yep, I'm a bankers' wife, God bless me.

"Snark, puff, gargle & snork" & 1 more thing

Seems like over the last week I've been having some real issues concerning the ability to "dress myself" for work. You guys remember the slipper incident? The husband is threatening to label my stuff and put up stickers to remind me to "change shoes, put in teeth etc." Recently, instead of misting my hair with "Infusium" conditioner (wonderful stuff) & water I used "Downy Wrinkle Free". Now I'm sure some of you are thinking "she really needs to be housed away from the general public for her own safety and ours." That's really not the case.

I'm having sleep issues, husband has been waking me up off and on for the last 5 nights. No, its not for a good time either, which I wouldn't mind nor care if it cause me to be boogered up in the morning. No, this is "choo-choo" train snoring. You know "puff, puff, puff...snarful...puff, puff, puff snork". We also have "snarking and gargling". 2 times he woke up, snatched my pillow right out from under my head, rolled over and gone back to sleep. Now I'm UP! Its' 3a the alarm goes off at 530a and I'm laying there totally pissed! I mean visions of snatching my pillow back holding it over his head...well you know. "Why doesn't she just get up & go to another room?" Because I'm bull-headed! This is my bedroom too. So, eventually I get up, turn on coffee and head to smoke. He gets up around 545a all "happy" & says "what you doin' up? Baby." Its OK, think .... I just tell him he was "sleeping" really good. I snore too. He says I snore on my back, my stomach, my side. He says my mouth drops open and I sound like the horn on the Titanic when she was sinking. He says when he comes to bed he has to turn the TV up to hear it. He also says when I wake him up because he's so loud "I wasn't even asleep". Near as I can tell one of us MUST be lying and I'm the one awake this week. See, I'm really not heading towards "old timers" disease its actually sleep deprivation. Tonight? I'm bringing duck tape to bed! I'll let you guys figure out the rest.

1 more thing:
I've been trying to download Cinco Da' Mayo party pics to use on my post. Got all boogered up, I don't know where they are. I clicked something then "Poof" couldn't find them. Thank goodness I forgot to click the "delete" when download complete box. Then I got flustered with my post. I thought it sounded "stupid" so I set it as a draft to work on later. "Poof" I can't find it now either. Right now they are out there in cyberspace waiting for just the right moment......

I take the high road.....

I really don't bitch much. Certain things set me off depending on my mood. But, most of the time I try to take the high road. This causes my daughter to fume "It doesn't matter what road you take your still gonna be in the same situation." This is mostly when I discuss "Bi-polar". The office manager. Bi-polar takes the low road. She is a harassment suit waiting to happen. I work in an industry that hires people who: Send 1/2 their pay to child support & will hardly work to keep from sending it, will "borrow" the company truck then use it to load stolen property & sell it out of said truck. Honest!! Borrow $ for rent/bills whatever 'cause they are broke on Mon. after Fri. payday AND tell you what a good time they had doing it! Its a fun job. Really. Anyway, Bi-polar will make racists remarks, yell at them, call them names etc. I don't. She yells at me too. I ignore her. She is scared to death I will take her job. She comes in to work angry everyday, always has family drama. If they aren't dead they are dying. She goes to the Dr. every time someone else gets sick. She has HBP but d/n take her medicine. You getting the picture? When I started losing weight my direct boss said "the skinnier I got the meaner she got." So why won't they fire her? She has known them for about 15+ yrs. 10 years ago there would have been a brawl in the front office 1st time she gave me shit. As a good friend once said "I've become a kinder more gentler Grammice." So, I have learned to ignore her & take the high road. The situation hasn't changed. Some days I'm ready to walk...but then she wins. As long as I stay I win. I've got the respect of my direct bosses because I take the high road. I love my job, 7-3, m-f, jeans/shorts & t-shirts and take off whenever I want. Yep I like winning.

Somethings that can make me take the low road:

1) Northerners who complain about the south. Everything, from the way we drive to the way we talk. Go home!

2) People who don't use their blinkers when your waiting to make a turn.

3) Tailgaters.

4) Rude people who complain out loud about smoking. You wear "eau da wet dog" perfume/aftershave don't you? We are even as far as I'm concerned.

5) Spitters, thats just nasty.

6) People who say "It's not my job".

7) The "been there done that, better than you" group.

8) The person who comes into work siiiiick! Thank you for ebola! Makes me wonder if Stephen Kings "The Stand" can really be fiction.

9) The "book burners" of our society!

10) Buttinskies! You live your life, I live mine.

Well thats my post till after CINCO DA MAYO unless something happens. I hope you approve daughter. Love mom

OOOO Look at me!!

A great big THANK YOU!! to daughter. She really dressed me up. I have a real blog now. Come take a peek and let me know what you think. Yes, she did it out of the kindness of her heart. After she bitched and moaned that I wasn't following her instructions properly in order to add these things to my page. Either way I'm loooooking good!

Part 2:
Left for work this am at 625a as usual. Got 5 miles down the road and realized I was still wearing my slippers. Not nice pretty slippers. But bright red, "go to hell these are my favorite" slippers. Yep, there has been a bet going on for years over whether I would do this. God Bless me, I'm an idiot. I have a wonderful husband. Over the years he has brought me: my teeth (I wear partials), matching shoes (wore a black and blue), white underwear cause I forgot & put on black and wore a pale tan dress for a presentation. Yep, God Bless me I'm a loved idiot!

Did you not hear my words?!

I'm sitting here with my 2nd vodka/grapefruit wondering "why in the hell" no one heard my words today. Had a 2p to get my tit squeezed. At 230p I was told the Dr. screwed up the orders and the lady that does the tit-squeezing had to leave at 215p. The tit-receptionist kept trying to re-schedule my appt. AFTER I told her 3 times I would call to re-schedule later. I went to Waldog to pick up a blender for son & told the cashier I needed cash back, even put $ amount in card machine. She forgot 2 times and said she would "void" the sale & start again, forget it, I sleep with my banker. Then off to Publix got thru the candy section with relative ease, take my purchases to the register. "Paper or Plastic? Paper, please Thank you. Guess what I came out with 15 plastic sacks with 1 item each!!! Did no one hear my words today?

Told hubby I was updating blog. "Please tell them I've been good on my 2 extra days off." OK he's been good. Laundry (5 loads) done, coffee made every night, washed my truck, deposited my paycheck and cut the front and back yard. Yeah, he's been very good. I could ask for sex but the way my day has been going.....he probably won't hear my words!