Bits and Pieces

OOO Its' finally Mother's Day! I hope everyone has a wonderful day. We deserve it!

Going to the grocery to buy ingredients for three Drunk potato casseroles and a banana split pie, Ambitious

Spending and hour and half shopping because the store is packed, Nerve wracking

Realizing you forgot your wallet and have no money to pay for groceries.... Du-huh!

Husband wash, dried and folded all the laundry, made dinner last night, did the the dishes and let me sleep-in till 7a!

On another note, I got a bike for Mother's Day to use when we go camping and such. I'm so excited! Took a spin yesterday and had the time of my life. Now all I need is a few cards and clothes pins to put on my spokes so I can make that really cool "motorcycle" noise.
Happy Mother's Day toooo meeeeeee

Chocolate and water?

Wednesday night I went for pizza and beer with my neighbor. We were gone about an hour. Husband was finishing his golf game (since its light til almost 9 now) so he wasn't home either.
We bought new phones and I never changed the factory set voice on the answering machine..just lazy. Well while were gone we had 3 hang up calls and one voice mail..if you could call it that.

VM#1-3 - Loud racket, background noise, hang up.

VM#4 - "Mommy, that damn man is answering g-moms phone again!" The phone slams down.

Call daughter, "did you call?"

"No, 5 did."

"Whats the matter?"

"You bought him chocolate for his milk and I ran out of milk so he wanted to mix the chocolate with water and I wouldn't let him. He decided to call you because you would let him but every time he called your machine picked up and it pissed him off because some "damn man" was answering your phone."

"Oh, sorry, does he still need me?"

"No, he's over it now."

I told husband about it, after we got tickled with the "damn man" thing he said
"G-mom, that's just nasty you wouldn't have let him do it."

"Why not?"

"Because its nasty, it would make him sick."

"No, it wouldn't and every kid has to try the chocolate/water thing growing up, its a right of passage to try new stuff that turns out nasty."

"Your weird, and no, I didn't do that."

"Well I did and its nasty, that's why you don't like to try new things, you never did "cool stuff" growing up."

"No, that just means I have more sense than you do."

"No, that just means YOUR chicken shit and I'm not!"

Annoying your sister 101

"Will you stop smackin' your nasty elephant lips in my ear!"


G-daughter #2 - 12yo and g-son - 5yo have a mission. While not being acknowledged when caught, their mission as I understand it is to make their 13yo old sisters', life a living hell with obnoxious noises, touching her stuff, standing/being or looking like they know her and the worst thing...."dressing worse than a homeless person".

OBNOXIOUS NOISES......
G-daughter #1 is totally fed-up with the "nasty, grass-muncher" that is sitting in the backseat of my truck trying to suck a Wendy's Frosty thru a straw (on purpose I'm sure). The culprit? Her 12yo sister egged on by her 5yo brother who is taking the Wendy's spoon, still in plastic and holding it up to his sisters ear and crinkling the plastic, then promptly turns to g-daughter #2 and says "Quit doin' that with your lips open", then laughs when I tell them to stop and "leave your sister alone"!
G-son starts smackin his lips together and makes farting noises with his lips or cheek (somewhere on his body) and says GD#1, GD#2 is making those noises again". And we continue the LOOOONNNNGGGGG drive to drop off the two "nasty grass munchers" before taking #1 to school where she will be blissfully embraced by others of her kind.

DRESSING WORSE THAN A HOMELESS PERSON....
Example #1
As noted first hand when I took all three of them to the dentist today. GD#1 is walking ahead of us by 15-20' (making sure we don't look like we all rode together) when she suddenly turns on her heel faces GD#2 and says,
"Why do you dress like a nerd with me", then starts tugging at her shirt, twisting and turning her jeans I thought for sure she was going to shake her out like you do when you put a pillow in a pillowcase! Turns to me and says,
"See g-mom THIS is what I'm talking about"! Then promptly turns her loose and says "there now you can go in." GD#2 turns to me and says "G-mom isn't this what I looked like before?" "I think so honey, but she likes you now." And we continued into the dentist.

Example #2
Evidently after your 1st braces check-up you get a SMILE shirt from the dentist. Black with SMILE in big colorful letters. Daughter is paying for this and g-sons Treasure Box visit in her monthly "mouth mortgage" payment. Well, #1 wore her shirt and #2 GOT her shirt. She was very excited. Then she did the "thing". She put it ON!!! She just stood there and pulled it on over her other shirt and SMILED!
OMG! NOOOOOOO #1 looks at her, eyes wide and says "#2 What are you doing? You look stupid, TAKE IT OFF! God, see what I have to put up with"? #2 Looks at her, then takes it off. #1 then tells me how her "efforts" to teach her how to dress are wasted because she does "stuff like that in public". I'm confused because #1 had HER shirt on over her shirt when she went in. I did mention that...#2 said "yeah #1, you had yours on like that". Poor thing she was clinging to something I said trying to defend her "faux paux". When #1 just turns and looks at us like we have lost our minds to even question her style and says "But, I look cool and she looks stupid".
OK, NOW I get it. Stupid me.


LOOKING LIKE WE KNOW HER......
As we are sitting down #2 decides to sit NEXT to her sister. #1 could not roll her eyes any further around. "G-mom,WHY does she have to sit THERE?" "Why? What's wrong with there?". "She needs to sit outside." "#1, leave your sister alone, shes' fine where she is, shes not touching or looking at you, granted she probably is breathing a tad bit more of your air than you usually allow, but its all good."
More eye rolling, scooching over to the far armrest. I'm glancing up thinking "why doesn't SHE move if its so awful?" What the hell do I know?

TOUCHING HER STUFF.....This one is mostly g-son.
He adores "touching her stuff" every single last bit! He will go through her room touch something, she will yell at him, go after him and he will scream with joy while running from her and touching every single item he can reach on the way out the door!
He jumps on her made bed, puts his "gnarly bug-head" on her pillow, opens her jewelry box, investigates her Cheer bag, note books and back pack!
He will put his finger on her plate, he will touch her food, drink out of her cup (without permission) and steal food off her plate.
He butts in when shes trying to get dressed, he makes fun of her hair or clothes and calls her names. She threatens to give him away, punch him out or send him to live with whatever boogerman she can think of.
They love each other.

I keep telling #1 that someday she will sit around with the "grass-muncher" and "gnarly bug-head" and laugh about all this stuff, because they are brother and sisters and they really love each other.
She slowly turns, looks and squints her eyes at me and says "In the same room? The way they dress? UH-Huh, I don't want anyone to know I know them"!

Post Hump day

Tickets to see Elton John in concert - $200 (free,really)

Pedicure and hair appointment - $75.00 (Not that he would like me anyway)

Drinking waaaaaay toooo much and staying up till midnight and forgetting to put your partials(teeth)in before you go to work at 6am - PRICELESS


Totally awesome night and a special Thank you to "the" boss who said I could go too!

I'm NOT lazy...

I've sent a resume out on another, job a week ago. I'm (hopefully) gonna get an interview this week, so the rumor mill has said. Its' 2 miles from my house pretty much doing the same thing BUT no bi-polar and a 1 person office.
I am totally stressin' the last couple weeks. Think I might be starting men-O-pause!!! LOL Some stupid things that have happened:

Bi-polar got a new locking mailbox for the office....wouldn't give me the key. LOL I guess I can't be trusted.

My hours have been cut, I think I did a post already on that one.

Seems like I'm losing my memory, see above, e.g. made a cake the other day forgot eggs. Took them out of fridge. Duh-huh

Dancing at a show got singing the song (Good Ol Rockin Roll) forgot to dance. Duh-huh#2

I DO have cataracts but they are still small enough not to worry about but, they are there due to growing up on the beach and never wearing sunglasses or sunscreen back in the day. WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES!!!

Husband said I have been on the "verge of mean" lately.

I haven't posted a damn thing. I've sat in front of my keypad thinking "No, that sounds too bitchy", "No, that's stupid". So frankly you guys will be getting the best of both worlds in this post.

Worked in the yard Sunday, weeded, transplanted, raked and hedge trimmered...today is Monday and I'm walking like a "Saturday night whore after a political convention". No offense.

That's' all guys...As soon as I hear something on the job front you guys will be the first to know after husband, daughter, mom and dad, my friend E.....

Daughter, I'm bored and other things when your home alone

They cut my hours at work. 7a to 1p. Bi-polar has convinced the bosses wife I do nothing during the day but play on the computer.
Getting off at my normal 3 wasn't so bad, I usually had a couple hours of wind-down time, then everybody was home. Well, at 1p NOBODY is home, I'm home alone. I have been doing this for two days and daughter has already started threatening me.
Day 1:
"Hi, honey, its' me, mom, whatcha doin?"
"I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, I'm bored."
"Ma, you need to find something to do, I'm busy".
Day 2:
"Hi, whatcha doin?"
"Hi, Ma, I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, watching TV, I finished my chores."
"Ma, I'm busy."
"Well, pass the phone to someone whos not busy."
(laughing) "No, Ma, you need to find something to do, call E. You can't keep calling me, I'm busy."
Doesn't sound like she loves me.

Called husband:
"Want to come home for wild sex"?
"No honey, I'm working".
"You're the boss leave early".
"No, honey, find something to do."
"I did, but you ruined it".
"Bye, honey, I love you." click

I make the coffe, empty the dishwasher, make a vodka and grapefruit and read the paper. Damn that was 20 minutes.

Now, I'm bugging you guys.

I could make prank calls but with all the technology somebody would call me back and they would be serious about putting Prince Albert in a can.

OO I thought, clean out your closet, get rid of your fat clothes, clean off the shelves, throw out that prom dress from daughters high school that has been sitting in the dryclean pile since 1988.

Sew a button on husbands shirt/shorts.

The problem is thats all WORK! It looks like work, smells like work and most definitely will feel like work while doing it. NOPE, not gonna do that, I got off WORK at 1p.

I could drive around and VISIT daughter at work, but diesel is $4 a gallon, plus she probably would kill me. I would like sit at her desk and say things like
"Can I help you"?
"How come your doing it that way, its easier if you do it this way".
"Whats in here (as I slowly open what happens to be her bosses office door).
"Where is everybody? Wanna call them"?
"Ewwwww, whats this green stuff in the fridge? Who cleans this thing out? Want me to do it"? (hopeful gleam in my eye)

I could catch up on my e-mail. Delete, delete, delete glad thats done.

Everyone I know works alllllll day. I'm bored home alone!!!!!

Watched a little TV. Good God, has anyone seen "Maury" Lately? Wasn't that girl on last year testing guy number 34 to find her baby daddy? She was SO positive this old guy was the daddy. That poor child looks like every man she has slept with! "See he got his nose". Please don't make me go there...

How about "Make me a super model"? Jiminy shit I didn't even know the good looking guy was gay and he was dating someone that wasn't gonna make the "super model" cut!
Well, actually in the finale I think he confessed he wasn't really "all that interested in maintaining the relationship". Uh-Oh User!

"Housewives of New York City"? What the HELL is wrong with super rich people? Husband doesn't let wife out of sight. They spent 3 years on a waiting list for PRE-K!!! They finally met someone that could help "network" them into an "A-list" school. Go buy some designer clothes and give my bored ass a break!

"Monk"! I love that man! But after I watched a marathon this weekend I started counting tiles in Publix, sorting my groceries in the basket..oh wait I already do that. I took notes when he was meeting with his therapist.

Husband just got home...took one look at me an the hopeful look on my face and said "No, I'm getting a beer first"!
He did hand me a statistic that I thought you guys might enjoy.

"A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study has found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon".

I'm still bored, but I'm not home alone and if my timings right he just might be finished with that beer!

WTF Friday

I could say its been a helluva week...but we all knew with everyone gone bi-polar would be on her "best" behavior. Currently up to 2 vodka & grapefruit after work this week. LOL
So like this week hasn't been a hoot already with her various "rants and raves" I open up my news website today and THIS is what I get slapped with!

Oprah Winfrey
By Michael Conlon, Reuters
4 hours ago
CHICAGO —
A transgender man who is six months pregnant said in an interview aired by Oprah Winfrey on Thursday that he always wanted to have a child and considers it a miracle.

"It's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human desire," a thinly bearded Thomas Beatie said. "I have a very stable male identity," he added, saying that pregnancy neither defines him nor makes him feel feminine.

Beatie, 34, who lives in Oregon, was born a woman but decided to become a man 10 years ago. He began taking testosterone treatments and had breast surgery to remove glands and flatten his chest.

"I opted not to do anything with my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day," he told the talk show host. Beatie's wife Nancy said she inseminated him with a syringe using sperm purchased from a bank.

Now, he said, his size 32 jeans are getting a bit tight and his shirts are a bit stretched.

Nancy, to whom he has been married for five years and who has two grown daughters by a previous marriage, also appeared on the show, saying the couple's roles will not change once the baby is born.

"He's going to be the father and I'm going to be the mother," she said. Their marriage is legal and he is recognized under state law as a man.

The couple was shown on video provided by People Magazine, which collaborated with Winfrey on the show, showing the room that will be the baby's nursery. Beatie said the little girl was going to be "daddy's little princess."

The couple was also filmed in their hometown of Bend, Oregon, where he underwent an ultrasound showing the baby in his womb.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe she's inside me," Beatie said while watching the ultrasound image. "We see her as our little miracle."

His obstetrician, Dr. Kimberly James, who practices in the Oregon town, told Winfrey, "This is a normal pregnancy."

She said Beatie stopped taking testosterone two years ago and his levels of the hormone are normal.

"This baby is totally healthy," she said. "This is what I consider a normal pregnancy."

OK, I shortened the article for posting BUT, a couple of key points here just made me do another Friday WTF!!!!

"This is a normal pregnancy."
"I have a very stable male identity"

First, define "normal"?
Will we now hear women ask men "OOOO whens your baby due"?

Will we have men's' maternity wear? You know for the business man that has to look professional even with swollen ankles?

Who gets the breast pump at the baby shower? Do you invite only men to the baby shower? What kind of shower games do you play? Pin the tail on the quarterback? WHAT IS proper baby shower etiquette?

WHY didn't the wife get pregnant? Yes, she could be unable to after already having two grown children....but WHY would she want her husband to experience childbirth?
That changes the whole "Until you can squeeze a watermelon out of your ass" argument.

Frankly regardless of "his" innards if you want to be a MAN be a MAN! Men who want children usually let their wives handle the "burp and squat". Matter of fact I can't think of one man I know who is willing to take on the whole pregnancy/childbirth experience.

How does/will society treat this? I mean true Oprah does carry some weight on a lot of topics but how far can she actually carry this man-preggers thing?

At 50yo when I was in the 3rd grade the kinda thing the "future" held was flying cars, totally cool "Flash Gordon" clothes and life was pretty much "The Jetsons".
NO WHERE did "men" get pregnant, There were no pregnant men walking around. Now I know he isn't really a "he" physically BUT he looks like a "he" now and I'm not sure how I feel about seeing a mans body preggers.

We are a nation of "prudes" in a whole lot of ways. Abortion, gay rights, racism, cloning etc. etc. What about this child as she grows up? Will her parents be honest about her conception and birth? I can hear the first "Mommy where did I come from"? conversation. "Well, honey you were in daddy's' tummy and..."

Will she be ostracized because her daddy gave birth to her? Well there be more of these birth experiences and this will not be abnormal or should I say out of the ordinary?

Who knows in the meantime I wonder if hes' going to have an "eppie" or natural childbirth? Will he go to Lamaze classes? That in its self would make an interesting post..don'tcha' think?