Tag I'm it!!! Hot Damn

I've been TAGGED. I'm it!!! Weatherchazer tagged me!!!


I hate people doing things just because "that's the way they have always been done".
Bi-polar absolutely will not make things easier at the office on herself and everyone else just by changing the way certain reports etc. are done and when. Instead she does them the same way they have been done since 1960 and refuses to change anything. Even when I'm not the one to suggest a different route she refuses. We've all decided its a control thing with her. I've boogered up one or two things trying to do them diferently at home and at work but, at least I tried.

I don't trust people easily. I have had secrets exposed, boyfriend stolen (by my best friend no less), rumors started because someone thought they had something right & it was wrong.

I fart when I'm extremely nervous. SBD's with the occasional bronker. I had to testify in court against a former employee and my testimony was crucial. Well, I got on the stand and one rolled right up the back of my panty hose and cracked off right there sitting next to the judge. I was so shocked I just turned and looked at him like he did it and wrinkled my nose. I also farted a pea once. Farts are the funniest things I have ever known. Babies love farts. You can always blame the dog or I usually blame my husband and the grand kids back me up. Why? "They tell him grandma never farts".


I can't argue with Weatherchazer about telling people "NO". I'm the same way. I will get myself in such a bind then pray they will change their mind, not go, get someone else. But, If I get snagged because of my own dumb ass I am right there in the middle of everything and I'm usually having a good time.

As you guys might have guessed, I adore my husband. I met my husband in the psych ward of a so. Fla. hospital. I'll let you guys decide if I was a patient. LOL He is my sane side. He's a little (lot) conservative. He gives me the balance I need.
Like when he said I definitely could not go to work as a "bomber" for the roller derby. I was totally pissed about him trying to "run" my life. But, I'm almost 50 (this year) and I have my teeth, and have never broken another bone in my body after I was 6 months old.

I wanted to go to school to be a Funeral Director and even worked in a funeral home to learn the trade. My ultimate dream was to be a Forensic Pathologist. I don't believe death is a final stage. I believe we have many things to do in our lives and when we crossover we come back and learn another life lesson.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation I want to come back as a "love bug". They are born having sex and die having sex. I think sex is a great extracurricular activity. God was certainly in a good mood that day!!! LOL

I'm totally looking forward to getting "old". I can't wait to turn 50. I want to wear big brooches and dangly earrings with short shorts and t-shirt and go to the grocery. I want to travel and get the senior citizen discount and get all "gushy" when they ask for my ID to prove I'm old enough. I want to drive my car at 95 yrs old and have the police call my daughter because I'm driving the circle in the neighborhood, again, and acting like its a self made roller coaster ride. I want long grey hair down to my butt.(its' getting there)I want my great-grandchildren to think I'm as "totally cool" as my grandchildren do. But most of all I want to make sure I die before my kids, grand kids and husband because I don't think I could live without any of them at any time.

So here are 7 little things about me that you guys wish you never knew. I would Tag someone but Weatherchazer is a "tag hog" and daughter threatened to kill me. But, thank you, thank you Weatherchazer. That was fun.

Happy Fathers' Day & Double Duty Parent Day

I just wanted to give a Happy Fathers' Day to all the men sitting watching the sports channel today & all the moms' who are both mom & dad and don't have time to watch the sports channel.

My husband is special, on this day especially. When I met him I already had children, 2. He dated me anyway. He helped teach #1 son how to pee in a urinal and outside the car door. He gave my daughter the love of a steady male figure to look up to that was honest & fair. Even when she swore she hated him & wished I never married him. He adopted the children about 2yrs after we got married. He CHOOSE them and me. We have been together almost 28 yrs., been married almost 24 yrs.

He stood there and took shit from the kids when they were mad at him and still loaded their soccer & band instruments into the car for another 3 day trip in as many weeks. He manipulated money, what little we had, so we could afford $$$ dollar cleats, $$$ saxophones, flutes & Taekwando gear (for 3 of 18 classes they SWORE they would attend).
He taught them the value of hard work and earning something you wanted. We didn't buy our kids cars. They did. We paid for them without their knowledge, got a coupon book and every month they sent their car payment to the bank. When they made the last payment he handed them a savings account book with every payment in the account. Both kids save money better than we do.

He taught them that just because a man cries it does not make him a wuss or anything else. When his daughter ran away he quietly went into the bathroom & cried he was so worried something had happened to her. Me? I was furious & had every intention of kicking her ass until her nose bled buttermilk. He didn't know I knew.

When his daughter married you could have picked the bugs from his teeth he grinned so much. He wasn't worried about the cost, he was "Father of the bride".
When our son graduated same teeth, different bugs. That was "his son" going across that stage.
People would always tell us how much daughter looked like mom and son was the spitting image of his dad.
He always said "Had grammice & I ever divorced I would have fought for custody of my kids." Little did he know there really wasn't a fight, some days he could have had them! LOL

Hes' now a grandpa/goofball. Four terrorists that climb on, harass & generally give him grief on a regular basis that he dearly loves and they dearly love him.

Sometimes daughter & son are so much like him in the way they think and act that I'm not sure hes' not their "genetic dad". To me? He's better than that, he choose to be their dad.

ANY MAN CAN BE A FATHER,
BUT IT TAKES SOMEONE SPECIAL
TO BE A DADDY.


Father & Son


Daughter & Dad (below)




Grandpa on the annual "pick a Halloween pumpkin" trip with 3 of 4.

Bucket of asshole

I would really like to know WHO dumped the bucket of "asshole" on me this week? Somebody had better step up to the plate and quick because I have had it with getting my ass chewed by clients and I use the term "client" loosely.
The bi-polar office manager keeps "forgetting" to put clients on the work schedule. Come 7a the next morning when I'm there by myself & they call to check on the staus, I can't find them on the schedule....jiminy shit do some of them go off.
"I called bi-polar yesterday...yada...yada. One guy made me so mad I told him to "please hold on because he needed to yell at someone else I wasn't in the mood to listen to it"!
My daughter will tell you I am all about taking the "high road" when at work. But, this week I'm all about "Fu&% You"!
The company that does our copier maintenance raised the monthly rate. I call and ask if it was in error. Asshole number 55 tells me that my "contract" says they can raise the rate up to three times a year. So I ask if they will come out & do maintenance 3 times a year since they are going to raise my rate anyway and if they could please send me a copy of my contract since I did not have one. Then I asked how come they don't send out little "gee, we are so sorry but, we have to raise your rate because the boss needs a new boat" notices. (I didn't really say it quite like that) Boy, did that piss her off. I was told they didn't have time to notify every "small account" and I should have received a copy of my contract five years ago when we started service and if I wanted maintenance I could call back and talk to service. Can you transfer me? No. Why? Now get this "It is not my department." I then told her that I was very sorry someone had pissed in her bath water this morning and to be prepared because I was fixing to be the 2nd person
to piss in her bath water. I hung up and called back and talked to service AND her boss. Always take the high road. LOL

Lets see, I had a woman run a stop sign in a little Honda car right in front of my 4x4 Dodge quad cab, I was doing 40, she never saw the sign, I lock up, hit the horn, she flips me off stops at the next light, gets right up next to me in the other lane and proceeds to lay on the horn & flip me off some more!!!! If anyone needed to get laid it was that bitch!

I had a telemarketer give me shit because I wouldn't let her talk to my husband until she told me who she was with. It was a "personal matter".
Her: May I speak with "husband"?
Me: He's outside may I say who's calling?
Her: Sally Smith
Me: Oh, who are you with?
Her: Mrs. D it is of a personal matter I need to speak directly with him. (attitude)
Me: Are you with his Dr's. office?
Her: No, Mrs. D it is of a personal matter and it is important (emphasis on "important") I discuss this with him.
Me: I'm his wife, are you selling something?
Her: No, mam' I have "information" he has requested.
Me: About what? If you won't tell me you will not speak with him.
Her: He has requested this be confidential.

Oh hell, now I really want to give her shit because
A) If it were a present for me he would NEVER give them the home phone to call only his cell.
b) He's a banker he does his own "personal shit".
Now, I'm pissed!

Me: Are you his girlfriend? Because I'm tired of you guys calling the house all hours of the day & night and .... hello? hello?

FINALLY! I win! One more day to go, pray for me.

Boobs, Hurricanes and pressure washers

Its Saturday and I have been drug free for two whole days! A big YAHOO!! I also got to leave the house, went to Lowes, Target and the grocery!!! Another big YAHOO!

We needed to pick up some Hurricane supplies, you know batteries! Lots and lots of batteries. We have a gazillion flashlights, candles etc. We bought extra propane and 2 or 3 cases of water. Went to grocery and bought canned and boxed food, BEER (which will be replenished at least 4 times BEFORE a storm and snacks. Last year we got lazy, very lazy didn't buy a thing. We don't need a generator, daughter has one & they are usually over here for "close encounters". I have to have all the food etc. for a min. 3 days no elec. The husband tends to blow it off a little bit but, after Kate's' direct hit and Katrina snuggling us I do NOT want to be trapped with 4 grand children, no batteries, beer, food and TP! We would kill each other. Plus two dogs and three cats! Hell, shoot me now.

While at Lowes husband FINALLY bought a pressure washer. I mean FINALLY because he has been price shopping for at least 4 months. Waiting for them to go on "sale". You have no idea, I love a sale and am pretty tight with money but, an item like that on doesn't go on "sale". If its on clearance its' either missing parts or the famous "repaired and runs" tag is hanging there daring you to be the next sucker. Even on clearance they generally run about $200, bottom line your paying $200+, get over it and go on. He was looking at a 4000psi pressure washer($300+) BECAUSE it had two more interchangeable tips on it than the $200+. I love him but, we have a 3 bedroom, brick single story with a regular driveway and a regular sidewalk to the front door. We do not have a 3 story apartment complex with 9 units and a 3 acre parking lot. I love "power", the husband says I'm the female "Tim the toolman Taylor". But not on something you use 2 times a year. Get me a nail gun with mega power and I'm ready to go.

We finally settled on 2550psi plenty of power, in price range and works. He is outside right now just pressure washing his ass off. He did come in once to say "the beer wench hasn't been out yet" to which I replied "wonder where she is." He laughed and got his own beer. I'm not heartless, its hot but, I was posting and I didn't want to lose my thought. LOL He loves his toys. I'm glad he finally got one. He was getting one for Father's Day anyway.

Happy weekend, its almost vodka/grapefruit time.....another big YAHOO!

Checkin' in with flamin' boobs!

Surgery went well, despite being three hours later than what it was suppose to be. I now walk around with my hands holding up my boobs 'cause I can't put a bra on. Which should be a good thing, but because they are swollen they are heavy which pulls on the bandages which makes me take another percocet. Vicious circle. Am I whining? I have a pretty high pain threshold but dammit this hurts. Percocet constipates you so I haven't had a shit in 3 days because you can't "help" it along cause it hurts your boobs. When I finally do take a shit and wear a bra again I will appreciate both a lot more. You never know how all your body parts are connected until one goes bad. I will get test results back mid next week and hopefully that will be the end of the boob saga. I wanted to go into work tomorrow but I've been out voted. Sitting in the house is driving me insane. TV sucks. I actually dozed through a "Judging Amy" mini-marathon today. I took a shower last night, poor husband had to help wash my hair cause I'm left handed and that side had the largest cyst so I can't lift my arm up and I was trying to hold my boobs up with my right hand. How funny a visual is that! LOL He is being really good. He checks on me, brings me "blue juice", (blue Powerade, my fave), The 1st day home he had to help me to the potty about a dozen times, I handled everything else but you can't pull your moo-moo up and hold your boobs at the same time. I've only had 1 pain pill today. Seems mornings are the worst the swelling tends to go down a little during the day which helps with the pain.



My left boob looks like it was beaten with a stick. I looked in the mirror and wow black, blue and green are definately NOT my colors! I've written enough for now, I'm kinda leaning forward on the desk trying to type with 1 hand and hold my boobs with the other. But daughter told me to do a post so everyone knew I was alive.

Thanks to everyone who thought about me and checked with the daughter on my progress.

Boobs

As my family knows I finally did the tit squeeze thing. Mostly because I found something a few weeks back and each time I checked the uncertainty of what it was turned into a "oh, SHIT!" kind of certainty.

So, After the tit squeeze they did a sonogram & damned if I was right. They suggest I immediately make an appt. with my Dr. to make a decision about my "situation". The hell with that! I called my surgeon, anything that big has gotta go.

I am at the age where my 1st colonoscopy was done last year. Yep, ladies something to look forward too. A flashlight up your butt. Don't try that at home. Anyway, I figured since he had seen that end he miswell get to see the top half. Kinda round out the size 18 butt I showed him last year. Let him see the STS I have after a 40lbs weight loss.

Well, he was so pleased while doing my exam that not only did he find the "big one" I found, he found about SIX more lovelies. All no bigger than a .50 piece. On Tuesday the 5th all those lovlies will be removed. Out patient surgery no less. Not wanting one boob to be left out I have them spread somewhat unevenly between the "girls".

Painful, uncomfortable and stiff were all words he used. The one thing I did hear loud and clear "don't worry we have drugs for that". Prognosis? I really only have a small one that I had thought for years was a "bone" to be mildly worried about. Other than that we are good to go. Seems this thing is hereditary, my mother, back in the dark ages had about 8 removals done. Unfortunately, my daughter will mostly likely have the same thing.

I wanted to make this a little humerous but, as I sit here I keep thinking what if I hadn't checked? I actually didn't start checking until I was 47. Kept thinking "I really need to start doing that, I'll start tommorrow, or Monday".
Not good ladies. My surgeon said had I had a sonogram instead of a mammy these would have been caught long before I thought I was getting "Dolly Parton" boobs. See I'm not even 50 yet.

So regardless of your age, your health or procrastination check yourself. I'm very lucky at this point. But, the "stomach falling to your toes" and the tears when you do find something is a whole lot better to deal with when you find it yourself and you KNOW what to do, than the other reality of NOT knowing until its to late.

So come on everybody...hold your left arm over your head and ....

We are back....under protest

Weeereee baaaaaaaack! What can you say about three glorious days of sun, surf & alcohol! I say "Hot Damn"! I'm going to try and include some pics with this post so bear with me.

We survived:
1) Several meltdowns of younger g-daughter (the beautiful red-head).

2) G-son & his BF throwing punches 2 times.

3) A few "we don't have anything to do's".

4) Constant barage of "Grandma, mama is so MEAN".

5) G-son's BF getting his head caught in the critter net that was brought to catch minnows at the shore, which was hilarious but, he didn't think it was and had a meltdown cause we were laughing.

6) G-sons BF's brother "Tieman", not changing his shirt for 4 days because "it is his favorite" he slept, bathed, ate and swam in that shirt! We are greatful he wasn't wearing his favorite under wear!.

But other than that we fed them, yelled at them, loved them and sent them to bed.

Husband got a foot massage from Andi, she brought her oils.......he now loves her. Thats OK! He still loves me too...I don't have little kids at home. LOL
Ok so here we go with the pics...



The crew at our arrival! God love 'em


Going to the beach. Do you think we have enough stuff? Would you pick us up if we were hitchhiking?


The boys


The girls


The FAVORITE shirt!


Here is "Mama being MEAN! (I'm on the left being the "good G-mom".

Daughter called me "Dumb Ass" 19 times while I tried to "upload" my pics. Kept "losing" them in cyber space and I HAD to call her. Beg for her help cause I'm a dumb-ass. I lost the pics 2x's with her on the phone, which caused a barrage of "Mother, I can't help your dumb-ass if you won't fu$%*&ng listen to me and not be speed clicking on everything.

Thats enough for now I'm too stressed to do more. LOL