Friday quickies

Weatherchazer has a post up. Go by and say Hi.

Here's' a new recipe for fruit dip. I had to trade a home made blueberry pie for it and I think I ended up with the better end of the deal.
1 Jar Marshmallow Fluff
1 pkg. Philadelphia Cream Cheese (I use 1/3 fat)
Surround with fruit.

I will be dancing at a Springtime show tonight.

Its PAYDAY!!!!!

I lost the 5lbs I gained.

Nobody has gotten ugly about my last post. (Of course I've only had 1 comment LOL)

Spring has finally come to the south, dogwoods bloom everywhere and my truck is yellow!

My husband is going to make his world famous ribs on the grill Saturday nite and my friend & her husband are coming to dinner.

I'm playing golf Sunday morning. Now aren't you guys impressed?

Hmmmm what else? Oh Costco will be opening soon. I'm hoping that will work out better than Sam's.

Went to g-sons T-ball game Tuesday nite. God those kids are cute. Punching their fists in their glove while waiting for the ball. My g-son turns his hat backwards and does the occasional spit while in the outfield. Daughter has pics I'm hoping she'll post soon. HINT! HINT!

Well, have a great weekend everyone. I don't know how much I will be able to post next week. Bipolar will be here with owners' wife and one of my bosses is going on vacation. So I will be pretty much at Bipolars' mercy, the bosses wife thinks her word is gospel and she has so much work to do. LOL

THIS is whats wrong with America!

ASHLAND, Ky. (WSAZ) --
A mother says the straws she bought for her three-year-old daughter were shaped like a male sex organ. Andrea Bailey says she went shopping at the Ashland Wal-Mart on Thursday, February 28th, and bought a package of fun straws for her three 3-year-old daughter, Ashlynn.

Bailey says Ashlynn came in and used one shaped like a heart. A couple others in the package, though, were shaped like something different. "There are two of them that are shaped like the male private area," said Bailey.
"I called Wal-Mart and they very rude with me about it. They acted like I was lying, like I was making it all up. You know, I would never make something up like that, especially about my little girl. But, that's just how they treated me and it just not right," Bailey said.

A communications representative at Wal-Mart corporate headquarters e-mailed us a response:
"At Wal-Mart we take customer questions and concerns seriously," said the spokesperson in a statement. After being contacted on this matter, Wal-Mart pulled the product in question from our shelves and is investigating the claim. Of course, our customer is welcome to return the item for a refund, if they would like."

Wal-Mart informed us the straws came from a manufacturer called Eagle Marks Corporation. We could not obtain contact information for the company from our own search or Wal-Mart officials.

Andrea Bailey says her concern is not the $1.69 she paid for the straws, but what might happen to other families with kids a little older than Ashlynn.
We searched at three other Wal-Mart stores in three different states last week, and found no fun straws on any shelves.
A Wal-Mart corporate communications spokesperson told us the regional stores were aware of the flap, and Wal-Mart was reviewing the product.




(Please accept my apology, in advance, for offending a shitload of mothers that in real life I truly admire but on something like this I go blind with the WTF's)

Your child had no idea it was anything different than a fun straw. But you and your stepford friends have decided that this will be your 15 minutes of fame! You are saving the younger generation from perversion that is readily available on the shelves. You will be the "talk of the town". If you aren't already. Did you OOOO and AHHHHH over the state of the world while fondling these straws and passing them around? So that others may share your warped view?

You probably let your child sit for hours in front of the TV watching Barney, Sesame Street, Nickelodean and all that other "mentally-healthy" shit, Game boys and Ipods abound. You probably pick their friends for special playdates. It has never occurred to you NOT to completely run every aspect of your childs life, the best schools, the nicest clothes, being politically correct at all times and oh DON'T ever mention S-E-X! After all if you do discuss the "male private area" or "female private area" it could lead to an open and frank discussion that would lead to respect and enlightenment and MAYBE, just MAYBE, that generation won't have the high rate STD's, teenage pregnancy and lack of direction so many kids have now.

Please, please don't make something out of NOTHING!

Again, I apologize for going off on a tangent but, I get so very frustrated. Those who read my posts know I'm not a "hater" but sometimes things are just wrong. In my opinion (like assholes, everyone has one) this is so WTF!

OOOO it's so good.......

Daughter sent this to me and I made them for Easter dinner "whores-da-ovaries". Hmmmmmm totally awesome. This website has some really good recipes. I've tried several. Thought everyone might like to try these, they are easy, quick to make and everyone will love you.

http://thepioneerwomancooks.com/2007/12/flashback_1981_-_holiday_bacon_appetizers.html

Couple of tips:
Use regular, not thick sliced bacon. WATCH oven time. I have a GE-dual fuel and they cooked in 1hr. 20m versus 2hrs. I used reduced fat Club crackers, reduced fat cheese (brand as shown). 1 sleeve of crackers = 1 lb of bacon cut in 1/2. They go fast so I suggest you make plenty.

OMG these babies are totally awesome. Make sure you serve fresh from oven.
I wanted to take pictures but they were eaten in about 2 min.!

It was suggested a good side for dipping might be in order but we couldn't agree. So if anyone has a suggestion please feel free to pony up with the recipe!

We call them "Bacon Slackers", when asked what they were called, I said "Bacon crackers" and the next thing I know "Bacon Slackers" was born.

Easter funny stuff.....

The Glorious Easter Egg:

Husband: Did the dog shit in the house?
Me: No, why....OOOOOOO Munch did you fart?
Dog 1: Who me? Tail wagging, spreading the aroma, big brown eyes looking at you. Then gets totally embarrassed, hangs head and drops tail.
Husband: Come on buddy, you need to go out and get rid of that!
Few minutes later....
Me: You let Munch in?
Husband: No, ewwwwwww wheres Katie?
Me: Kate, you fart?
Dog 2: You bet! Jumps up wags tail and cracks audible one off! Yep I did, plenty more where that came from! She has no shame. Guess that's why she's my dog.
Me: OMG, did you hear that? OUT! Kate! Out NOW!!!!

Hide and go seek:

Last year while cleaning house (about 2 weeks after Easter) I found a plastic egg half buried in my potpourri basket on the coffee table. Awww, isn't that cute I thought, while picking up the egg. Hmmmm feels heavy, wonder whats in it? Open plastic egg! OMG, ACCCKKKK, shit, shit, ACCKKKK, OMG! OMG!
G-son,(found out later)had put a REAL hard boiled egg into a plastic egg and set it in basket with other glass eggs. It had "jellied" like a rotting corpse in its plastic shell. The smell! I ran outside to the trash can, dumped everything into a plastic bag, tied it off, poured bleach on the bag and moved the can to the neighbors house. LOL (not really).

Pre-In law Easter days:

When I met my husband the kids were young. Daughter 4, son 2. It was a shock to his very conservative family. He's a few years younger and I'm THE divorcee with 2 kids. Yeehaw. Anyway, we are invited to Easter dinner with the whole family. Husbands mother at the time was quite heavy and wore bright colored moo-moos. They asked that everyone come sit down at the table to say grace. I'm being very polite and boosting daughter into a chair and look over and son has OMG!! Lifted my pre-MIL's moo-moo and pops her butt and says "Sit down, dammit"!!! Wishing I could just melt into the floral wallpaper I grab son and in my best "good mommy" voice say "O no honey don't do that." We all then sat down and said grace and I silently prayed that my pre-husband would not dump me right after dinner.

Did you know....

Peanut butter eggs can go bad. You bet. Especially when they slide down the backseat of your truck and the temperature is averaging 90-100.
(Reason 101 why I hate Peanut butter!)

Food coloring does not wash off...especially when you drop the egg in the bowl and it splashes on your face like blue freckles.

Up to 5 pieces of Easter gum will fit in a 3 year olds mouth and then promptly be deposited on to the table with an equal amount of spit when told to "OMG spit all that out!"

HAPPY EASTER everyone and if you decide to comment instead of lurk dash me off a Easter funny!

Just a quickie

Getting away for the weekend. If you have read Kheatherg lately you know she will be watching the house and the pets. ONE whole day and ONE whole night. I have had to agree to them doing pay per view, leaving $20 for pizza, buying bacon and eggs so she can take them HOME on Sunday to cook breakfast, bought lunch meat, bread and cereal because she was going to be there "around lunch time".
Need I remind everyone that while she was out of town I had her children. I picked them up from the house, ran to CHEER practice to drop off 1, fed the other 2, ran back out picked up 1 again, stopped and bought medicine for one of them, fed, breakfast, snack, snack, more snack, lunch and dinner and desert for 2 nights/2.5 days. Took G-son #1 to T-ball, g-daughters 1&2 to the mall for haircuts and earrings. All in All the weekend cost me about $200. Did SHE LEAVE me $20 for pizza oh, hell NO, I'm the G-mom I'm SUPPOSED to do that. LOL
Going on Vacation Now!

A mother knows these things..

Since the Kheather lives within spittin' distance and we talk several times a day I pretty much know what, where and whom shes doing something with. Not so with the son. Granted he's 30yo, has a live in girlfriend, he lives in south Florida and can take care of himself but, he should still follow ET's lead and "phone home"!

We hadn't heard from him in over 2 weeks. I e-mailed, left voice mail last week then 2 this weekend. I tried to leave voice mail on her phone but her box was full. Now this is a girl who who speaks with her mom, who lives up north 4-5 times a day. Why the hell is her voice mail full?
After no call backs I'm picturing the worst but, not panicking.

Car in ditch that can't be seen from the road, their poor mangled bodies begging for their mommies and no one knows their there (for 2 weeks God bless 'em they are hanging on for us). They are victims of a home invasion and are duck taped to their chairs begging for their mommies and water and a pee break, (again for 2 weeks). Since he travels by airplane quite a bit there has been an awful plane crash, (that didn't make the news of course, for 2 weeks) and know one will tell me because they are worried I couldn't take it. He has been kidnapped and his girlfriend is desperately trying to get the money together to save him but she is afraid to tell anyone because of what the kidnappers said! (patient kidnappers, they have waited 2 weeks)
You know, a mother knows these things. I said something to husband, he will call his dad to ask or get an opinion since they both deal in financing.

"Have you heard from son"?
"No"
"Not at all for 2 weeks"!?
"No, honey that's what I said".
"Are you worried, have you tried to call him"?
"No and no I haven't tried to call him, why"?
"He could be hurt or dead".
"Somebody would have told us".
"Why"?
"Honey he will call, just leave him a message to call you that you're worried, he will call".
"Easy for you to say"! (T-totally PO'd that he is not seeing this as clearly as I am, a mother knows these things)

Call daughter
"You heard from your brother"?
"No, why"?
"I haven't either, I'm worried".
"So, just call him, I'm working in the yard I'll call you back".
(shes' going back to work in the yard!!!! That's her brother!!! OMG she's calling her dad to see if they should tell me the "bad news!)

10 minutes later the phone rings, my heart nearly jumps thru my chest...its' her, she talked to her dad and .....
"Ma, just call him and tell him to call by 5 or your having the sheriff's office do a well being check".
"No, that will upset him".
"I'm worried about you, just call him he will call you, bye ma".

He phoned home. He wasn't laying in a ditch crying out my name, not duct taped to a chair crying out my name, not in a plane crash and not kidnapped, just plain ass-hole to alligators busy trying to get ready to move and meet corporate deadlines. He laughed when I told him I was worried. "Come on mom, somebody would have called you if something happened, g-friend would be the first". Yeah I hear him...... a mother knows these things!

....And I didn't cry once!

As everyone knows the last week has been a little busy and after Tuesday's post I really "just didn't feel like it". But, I'm back, its Saturday and the husband is working and I have BIRTHDAY CAKE pictures to post!

First let me say that I will probably never, ever make another castle cake again. Good God almighty. Both practice cakes did well but, as usual the real thing brought me to my knees. Let me state for the record I am NOT a professional. I am G-MOM and I love to bake my g-kids their birthday cakes. G-son just tested my patience and my creativity! Frankly, I was too damn nervous to even drink before I made this bad boy. To re-hash he wanted a castle on a moat with dinosaurs, cars, army men, ice cream and animals. As everyone knows you don't DARE leave anything out. Because no matter how sloppy or professional you will hear "G-mom, wheres the dinosaurs? I thought I said put dinosaurs on it". Which will cause you to have a murderous thought towards your sweet little shit of a grandson. But, I managed to put everything he asked for on the cake.

Cake making day went well, bi-polar didn't bother me so I wasn't pissed or stressin'. I came home mixed up the sheet cake, vanilla cream and the castle cake, chocolate fudge. I thought using one of those silicone forms would be easier, yeah OK maybe the first 2 times but not on the BIG ONE! I baked on Tuesday, froze until
Wednesday. Wednesday night I bring out the sheet cake cut in half long ways and layered vanilla and chocolate ice cream between the halfs. Set back in the freezer while I get my decorating implements out. Normally I use a butter knife to spread icing. It was good enough for my mother and her mother so why break a family tradition? This time I bought a Wilton Icing spreader...$5.95!!! I fell immediately in love. Smooth, even strokes. It was perfect. OOO I was so excited I ran to the garage and made the husband come watch how this thing worked. Needless to say I got the ever exciting comment of "Thats nice honey", and back he went to finish his beer. I sprayed my green and blue color for the moat, I drew my "walls" with a Wilton icing pen then sprayed them to look moldy. Back into the freezer. Pop out the castle. OMG one tower broke and fell off! Shit one is cracked too, DAMMIT its crooked as hell!!! OMG, OMG! Thats when the cussing started..loudly. "You stupid bitch, thats what you get for being so cocky about the moat, the cake Gods are gonna make you pay". Husband hears me and decided he might want to check on the level of violence going on in the kitchen. I have been known to pitch a whole dinner or dessert because I didn't think it looked, tasted or turned out right. Calmly, as only a banker can be he suggests that I squeeze the brown icing into the crack and around the bottom of the tower hold it with toothpicks and we will freeze it long enough to enable me decorate it. Thats after I cut the bottom and try to level it off. That was a cluster $%^K. Finally I decided it was sitting on a hill top on one side. I took Wilton Cookie icing and outlined every door, window and block. The day of the party I placed the castle on the sheet cake moat and added all the things the g-son wanted. I am proud to say that despite two meltdowns I didn't cry once! I'm surprised the words coming out of my mouth didn't melt everything but I didn't cry!
Everyone thought it looked great and tasted even better. G-son declared it "AWESOME" and his BFF said I was "COOL". So there you go.









Here is the birthday boy admiring his cake and enjoying his "Big Cheese of the night"
birthday drink.




For those that don't remember, I had enjoyed a relatively "Chucky Cheese" free grandma-hood up until the woman in this picture ruined it!!!! Daughters' BFF, one trip on a rainey teacher planning day a BAM! Thats where we are spending Valentines Day. Pizza, no beer, a singing mouse and the biggest brightest smile on the cutest 5 year old ever.





And at the end for a kid who would never, ever hug Yogi Bear when we went on vacation but swore every year that "this time I'll hug him, OK grandma"?
it was all worth it.