Oh My!

Just a quick little post. My #1 g-daughter is 13 today. Yep, the big 13! She has technically been a teenager since 7-8 years old. Well, she thinks so. The closer she got to 13 the more I heard "You know grandma in 2 more years I can start driving, are you gonna let me drive your truck?" "Uh..No"! Next she tries to hit up grandpa for "precious" his Solara convertible. Yeah, I see that happening. She can drive her mom's car. LOL But, alas grandma is the one that has been voted "most likely to let her live" while teaching her to drive. Could I get gift cards NOW for the liquor store?

Memorable events:
1)
At 3 yrs while grocery shopping she got very bored sitting in the buggy. The conversation went something like this:
"Gamma I want to go"
"OK, baby in a minute I have to get a b-day card for whoever"
"gamma, I want to goooooooo"
"OK, baby in a just a minute"
"Gamma I tellin' everybody you farted"
Then she proceeds to sing at the top of her voice: "Gamma farted, ewwwww whats it smells like? Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop!"
We used to pass a farm everyday on the way to her daycare & in the summer the aroma was "delightful". I would say "Whats' it smells like? & she would sing back "Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop".

2)
When she was 6 she begged me to let her wear my "partials" (dentures). When I said "no, because you have your own teeth." She promptly looked at me and said "Well, can I just take them to school 1 time, pleeeaaasseee".

3)
At around 7 or 8 on my birthday after discussing how old I was she hugged me and said " grandma, I really hope I get to be as old as you someday." (remember I will be 50 this year.)

4)
At 10 she informed me "Grandma, my boobs are gonna be way bigger than yours when I grow up". I had always felt comfortable with my boobs up until that point.

5) On Thanksgiving day, 8-9 yrs she decided she needed to know where babies come from. Much to my daughters "delight" I have always been very open and honest about sex and babies etc. We were sitting in the Florida room, grandpa reading the paper, G-daughter sitting on floor in front of me.
"Grandma exactly where do babies come from"?
"Well, they come from around your moms stomach."
"No, I know WHERE they are I want to know HOW they get there".
Husband glances over and raises eyebrows.
"Well, when a mommy & daddy love each other, they have sex and the daddy puts it there." Mind you I'm trying to be truthful, yet limited, but answering her question as asked.
"Grandma! Just tell me, HOW does he get it IN there!" At this point she is very done with my short sweet answers, husband is smiling behind newspaper because he knows me and he knows she will not let this go until she gets her answer.
"Well, the daddy lays on top of the mommy & puts his pp in her pp and spits the baby seed out to plant it."
Husbands eyes are as wide as saucers, he has this "Oh, your daughter is gonna kill you look". G-daughter has got the "deer in the headlights" look. She promptly spreads her legs and looks down.
"OK, grandma how does it fit."
This has gone waaaay further than I thought. I'm exasperated trying to "keep it simple, stupid". I KNOW this is not the kind of conversation I intended to have on Thanksgiving. Shit!
"G-daughter honey, its' like this", I then make the "OK" sign with 1 hand and put the index finger of the other hand through it.
Husband is staring at me because at this point he is 100% percent sure that I have totally lost my mind, he wants no part of the aftershock.
G-daughter looks at me and goes "Oh, OK, can I go watch Cartoon Network?"
Done its' over, sigh of relief.
3 hours later while numerous friends and family are sitting down to dinner. G-daughter announces to the whole room, very proud I might add. "I know how babies get in the mommy's' stomach, Grandma told me." At this point all the kids, 3yrs. & up look at her, daughter glares at me. I'm holding my breath hoping...husband has the "here it comes" look. Yes, she did....made the sign with her hands and said "this is how the daddy spits it in there." She then smiles. All the kids are like "Wow". Daughter is saying "What happened to the F&*king "cabbage patch", MOTHER?" God, I hate the "Mother" thing. At that point all I could do was total ass coverage.
"I'm sorry, they tell you not to lie to kids about that because when they find out the truth they will think your stupid. Also, you should answer ALL their questions but keep your answers simple based on the age group. I did, next time YOU answer her questions!" Tada! Quickly pass the buck! Go grandma.

In closing I just want to say "Thank you" to my daughter for allowing me, despite a few moments, to be such an important and influential part of G-daughter #1s' life.
And to my #1 g-daughter:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOK!