Weekend GOOD, Week so far BAD

The Ice Cream Cake I made this myself.


The Birthday girl and her favorite brother.....her ONLY brother


The Sister and friends

OK, so I resorted to cheating a little with pictures. But, in my defense if I don't post the daughter will be calling me names in her comments. The party went well. She got what all 13 year old girls love........MONEY.
So the weekend ended nicely.
But, here came Monday full of fire and brimstone! Yep, bi-polar came back off vacation. She slammed into the office did not say one word to anyone and proceeded to bitch and heavy sigh all morning. Then the comments started, by the end of the day I was so done I just wanted to walk by and slap the back of her head! Alas, I was afraid to due to the amount of chins she has I might have gotten caught in some kind of wind tunnel effect or after shock. LOL I'll probably go to hell for that comment. Today is Thursday and I am so over the bitch. We ran out of Fax machine ink yesterday afternoon. I put a note on her desk "We are out of Fax machine ink". Pretty plain, easily read. I was still out at 245p today. Over a month ago I put the last empty box on her desk with a note, "Used last Fax cartridge". She has ordered supplies 2 times since then. Would she get off her fat ass and check the supply closet? Its' on her way to the kitchen? Hell no. Instead when I again asked if she got one this morning, she said "No" and rolled her eyes like I just asked for a tonsil or something. Finally she went and got 1 not 5 or six but ONE, of course she wasn't going just to the office supply..no we stopped to get a Large order of baked spaghetti and side of garlic bread. The only reason we got one at all was because the boss needed to fax something and needed the confirmation. Bitch. When I go in at 7 tommorrow the fax machine will be out of paper, the memory will be full and I will have lost several faxes. Shes' the office manager. Goes to prove if your a shit-ass, rude and mean to people the boss will promote you. Funny thing is they don't like her either and wish she would "go away". Go figure.
I usually can just blow her off and not lower myself by letting her get to me, but this week has really pushed my patience level way past acceptable. Last night the husband said "You know after 4 years your going to have enough one day and just let loose on her. Your mouth is going to go into gear and by time your done she will wish you had hit her and got it over with."
Scary thing is hes' probably right. The people I work with don't know me really well and they have never seen me angry. Not even upset. So, they will probably fall out when it does happen. I've learned over the years to control my mouth instead of just saying exactly what I think. Husband says I can "cut your heart out" with my mouth. My older friends have told me I've become a "kindlier more gentler" Grammice. That may be coming to an end. In the words of one of the funniest comics (in my opinion) I've ever heard, Jerry Clower...."Knock him out John, one of us has got to have some relief!"

Oh My!

Just a quick little post. My #1 g-daughter is 13 today. Yep, the big 13! She has technically been a teenager since 7-8 years old. Well, she thinks so. The closer she got to 13 the more I heard "You know grandma in 2 more years I can start driving, are you gonna let me drive your truck?" "Uh..No"! Next she tries to hit up grandpa for "precious" his Solara convertible. Yeah, I see that happening. She can drive her mom's car. LOL But, alas grandma is the one that has been voted "most likely to let her live" while teaching her to drive. Could I get gift cards NOW for the liquor store?

Memorable events:
1)
At 3 yrs while grocery shopping she got very bored sitting in the buggy. The conversation went something like this:
"Gamma I want to go"
"OK, baby in a minute I have to get a b-day card for whoever"
"gamma, I want to goooooooo"
"OK, baby in a just a minute"
"Gamma I tellin' everybody you farted"
Then she proceeds to sing at the top of her voice: "Gamma farted, ewwwww whats it smells like? Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop!"
We used to pass a farm everyday on the way to her daycare & in the summer the aroma was "delightful". I would say "Whats' it smells like? & she would sing back "Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop".

2)
When she was 6 she begged me to let her wear my "partials" (dentures). When I said "no, because you have your own teeth." She promptly looked at me and said "Well, can I just take them to school 1 time, pleeeaaasseee".

3)
At around 7 or 8 on my birthday after discussing how old I was she hugged me and said " grandma, I really hope I get to be as old as you someday." (remember I will be 50 this year.)

4)
At 10 she informed me "Grandma, my boobs are gonna be way bigger than yours when I grow up". I had always felt comfortable with my boobs up until that point.

5) On Thanksgiving day, 8-9 yrs she decided she needed to know where babies come from. Much to my daughters "delight" I have always been very open and honest about sex and babies etc. We were sitting in the Florida room, grandpa reading the paper, G-daughter sitting on floor in front of me.
"Grandma exactly where do babies come from"?
"Well, they come from around your moms stomach."
"No, I know WHERE they are I want to know HOW they get there".
Husband glances over and raises eyebrows.
"Well, when a mommy & daddy love each other, they have sex and the daddy puts it there." Mind you I'm trying to be truthful, yet limited, but answering her question as asked.
"Grandma! Just tell me, HOW does he get it IN there!" At this point she is very done with my short sweet answers, husband is smiling behind newspaper because he knows me and he knows she will not let this go until she gets her answer.
"Well, the daddy lays on top of the mommy & puts his pp in her pp and spits the baby seed out to plant it."
Husbands eyes are as wide as saucers, he has this "Oh, your daughter is gonna kill you look". G-daughter has got the "deer in the headlights" look. She promptly spreads her legs and looks down.
"OK, grandma how does it fit."
This has gone waaaay further than I thought. I'm exasperated trying to "keep it simple, stupid". I KNOW this is not the kind of conversation I intended to have on Thanksgiving. Shit!
"G-daughter honey, its' like this", I then make the "OK" sign with 1 hand and put the index finger of the other hand through it.
Husband is staring at me because at this point he is 100% percent sure that I have totally lost my mind, he wants no part of the aftershock.
G-daughter looks at me and goes "Oh, OK, can I go watch Cartoon Network?"
Done its' over, sigh of relief.
3 hours later while numerous friends and family are sitting down to dinner. G-daughter announces to the whole room, very proud I might add. "I know how babies get in the mommy's' stomach, Grandma told me." At this point all the kids, 3yrs. & up look at her, daughter glares at me. I'm holding my breath hoping...husband has the "here it comes" look. Yes, she did....made the sign with her hands and said "this is how the daddy spits it in there." She then smiles. All the kids are like "Wow". Daughter is saying "What happened to the F&*king "cabbage patch", MOTHER?" God, I hate the "Mother" thing. At that point all I could do was total ass coverage.
"I'm sorry, they tell you not to lie to kids about that because when they find out the truth they will think your stupid. Also, you should answer ALL their questions but keep your answers simple based on the age group. I did, next time YOU answer her questions!" Tada! Quickly pass the buck! Go grandma.

In closing I just want to say "Thank you" to my daughter for allowing me, despite a few moments, to be such an important and influential part of G-daughter #1s' life.
And to my #1 g-daughter:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOK!

Saturday and Sunday

I'm playing catch up. I wanted everyone to know how productive I was this weekend after my Tuesday binge. On Sat.7th a guy I work with delivered and installed a cabinet he made for my kitchen. In 1988 most houses built had a desk in the kitchen. It was part of a "total woman" thing. You can work, cook and clean all at the same time. See how efficient you are? Whatever, they are a "catch all" and useless as tits on a bull. I hated it. I wanted it changed into a cabinet so I could put big stuff in there. Like my "Set it and forget" oven and my 55 gallon stock pot for soup & spaghetti sauce.
So Jim delivers this cabinet and it is wonderful!

See!!!
But all last week my kitchen was a total disaster. I had to stain the cabinet to match the drawers. Jim took the drawers out of desk and re-used in cabinet. That took all weekend to do letting it dry between stainings etc. Look at the pic do you think it matches? So this Saturday, 14th I decided I was going to finally get in there and start rearranging cabinets and getting things put away and cleaned up properly. I hate a messy/dirty kitchen.
I started in the kitchen, then I noticed that #1 g-sons toy box sitting in the den/bar area was too full and stuff was falling out so I started putting things away and the next thing you know its 4p I haven't had a shower, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and I'm still in my jammy-T. BUT, I have cleaned, two closets, three toy boxes and re-arranged a whole kitchen & started dinner!
Wait there's more:
Sunday I get up at 6a coffee and newspaper decide I need to go to Lowes. I love Lowes. I have a Rock City bird House and a Florida State bird house that we have had sitting in 6 different garages during the last 18 years of marriage. I wanted them put up. I go to Lowes and buy 2 4x4x8 posts, 8 "L" brackets and 46 12" rocks for garden edging. I will take pics but its 515A and I don't want neighbors to call "Kat" to come get me, I might end up as a post! LOL Anyway, husband put up bird house in backyard, they are beautiful. I planted my 2 huge Sago palms in front garden, dug a small trench to lay garden rock around front garden and it looks beautiful. Neighbors came over, we sat in driveway drinking 4-5 beers. Neighbor lady invited me to get a pedicure with her which sounded wonderful after working outside in mud all day. While I'm getting that done husband made the best damn burgers on the grill. Hmmmmmmm Then since yesterday was National Ice Cream Day we went to the Stone cold Creamery with the neighbors to celebrate. Been a helluva week and weekend but That was a perfect way to end the week and start a new one. Now I have to start getting ready for work. Bi-polar is on vacation so life is gonna be good!

The week in review...Finally!

I'm not intentionally on the once a week post.
Last Monday: Started the week pretty good. I was busy all day but not asshole to alligators busy.

Tuesday: Well that's when my week started "messin" up. My friend, "E" who lives around the corner called to see if I wanted to go to dinner after she took her mom to MRI. I checked with husband and it wasn't a problem. "E" was gonna call when they were done & I would meet them. We met at 7. I'm a 9'er for bedtime so no worries dinner & home. Wellllll, that's a lie. We started drinking margaritas, then another friend came & we started drinking margaritas with her and the next thing you know its 11:15!!!! On a TUESDAY!!!! OOOO are you gonna pay for this. Husband, God bless him, says nothing. Go to bed wake up at 4am!!! WTF. Can't go back to sleep.

Wednesday 4am: Go in kitchen turn on coffee and start making the "butter rum" glaze for a cake I'm taking to work. Yeah you read it right that was 4:00AM! Go to work, we are very busy and Bi-polar is cranky and claiming she has some flesh eating something or other. Anyway, did I mention that Wed. is opening night for Harry Potter and g-daughter #1 & I go every opening night on the 1st showing. It's a tradition.
I pick up g-daughter we get there at 530 pick up our tickets which I purchased 2 weeks ago. Wander mall, go to movies, 730p. Get home at 10:15p take shower fall into bed, literally.
Thursday: Alarm goes off at 530a I snooze button until 6:10a. I can hardly open my eyes. Its' Thursday, were busy as shit, bi-polar is totally on a crank, the phones are ringing off the hook, contractors are complaining. I only want to make it thru the day then I swear I'm gonna go home and go to bed at 530p. I swear.
Went to bed at 930p.
FRIDAY!!! Hallelujah! I made it. Bi-polar comes in the office so bitchy and cranky her face is red! I mean she has been heading that way all week and she has built right up to a real beaut of a shit mood. See, shes' on vacation next week. I will be working 7a-5p. I will be doing everything, including a good chunk of her job. She hates it! Totally. By time I left Friday she was close to virtual meltdown.
I am never in a bad mood at work. Its' none of their business or problem if I'm upset with someone at home or whatever. So why should they have to bear the brunt of it. Bi-polar brings every personal issue, problem, conversation etc. into the office. She exaggerates illnesses for the sympathy vote. You get the picture. So when she leaves on vacation and I'm there "alone" with the bosses and things run smoothly and payroll is done on time and everyone has a good week. She HATES it. Then she spends the next week trying to find things I did "wrong" so she can announce them loudly when the bosses are in the office. Its quite a performance she puts on. So that is what happened last week and I did not post because I got "lit-up" on a Tuesday, work night and I could not recover from my folly in a timely fashion. And my dog ate my homework.

Cruise Director

My husband will not plan anything regarding vacations/birthdays and dinner! I am Cruise Director. I don't get to wear a really cool jacket, I don't get to see exotic places or people, the pay sucks sometimes and my client is very difficult to work with!!! Requirements for travel include:
1) Less than 2 days MAX (and he means MAX!) on the road
2) Beer available at all times when not driving
3) No stops on the way. "We have a destination lets just get there first."

Husband states he is not paying $XXX.00 per month for a camper to fly some place & stay in hotel. We have to be able to get there in 24 hrs. So we can enjoy our "week".
So I have been mulling over, researching and getting frustrated over this 50th birthday thing. He has shot down every single idea I have had.
"Too far"
"Why?"
"You can fish here"
"Where is the money coming from?"

Or my favorite "NO" Why? Because..now are you ready for this "It makes no sense to"..
then he absolutely harpoons my suggestion. Ask the kids, dad/granpop has a giant "pin" in his pocket that is readily accessible to "pop dream/idea balloons".

So this morning I woke up and decided I was going to "pick something" even if it was wrong.
Step 1: re-checked info for Costa Rica (#1 choice for me not even on the list for husband)
Result: Law changed and earlier this year you now have to have a Passport. I don't have one.
Researched passport: This could get ugly. It seems news stories were correct duration to actually receiving said passport? 90 days & up. 90 days if you are renewing "and up" if you are a first timer. OK, lets go stateside.

Step 2: Check camping website
Research: I picked Illinois.
Reason: Never been. Campground is rated very high in camping book, close to lots of totally cool places like the Zoo (I love the zoo), Anheuser Busch plant (Beer straight from the plant...Hell yeah!), the speedway, plus numerous car museums, shopping etc.
Lo and behold husband said "If you want to go to Illinois (see I can spell it) I'll take you there. Only 800 miles away 14 hr trip, meets all travel criteria. Damn I'm good.
Question is: when? My 50th is in Nov. close to holidays & with 4 birthdays and a wedding Anniversary within 6 weeks (11/2 thru 12/28) on top of Thanksgiving and Christmas we are always BROKE come January. Daughter comes up with this excellent idea to have a nice dinner party at a local hoytie toytie rest. with a club next door that plays 60's-80's music for the actual birthday. Dinner and dancing ! Hell I died and went to heaven. Husband grunted something like "yeah right". Daughter says "Ma' we dress up in pretty clothes you can have it on a Sat. nite day after your b-day everybody goes home on Sunday" tada! She is brilliant.

So, I figure if weather is decent in April in Illinois, I've delayed the trip, saved some $ to go and I manage to stretch my "birthday month" into 5 months!
My husband read this last sentence over my shoulder and said "Why do I only get 1 day?"
Easy, I'm a woman and its a rule.
*Note if anyone out there in blogland can give some suggestions, ideas, special "gotta see" places or has any notion of weather in April in Illinois let me know. I'm so excited! I have a plan! Campground website: http://www.cahokiarv.com/index.html

I'm Hot

I don't know about the rest of you guys but, I'm hot. I'm sweating so much I think I'm breast feeding again! The cat is hot,

Boo-boo acquired 2 months ago laying on garage floor in front of fan.

The dogs are hot:

< Munch in garage in front of fan


Katie she was laying in the dirt hole she dug cause she hates the garage.


The hole.

Its 825pm its still 96. This is the Sun that I managed to snap when the only cloud of the day came by:


I'm HOOOOOT! I go to work in shorts and a sleeveless shirt. I know I'm lucky...very lucky. Its' 630a the temp is 75 when I leave for work. I think of all the things I need/want to do when I get home. I pop out of my BLACK 4x4 leave the windows 1/2 way down and walk into A/C. At 3pm when I leave, 2 min. in my truck makes me decide I really need a nap. I'm HOOOT!
It isn't even August yet and I'm HOOOT! Husband bitches cause I turn the A/C up to 76 during the day but, at bedtime that bad boy is down on 68! I told him I'm HOOOT! It's too "cold" for him.
I lost 45lbs. He had heat for the 1st time in 23 yrs. last winter when the temp went to 25. I know, no bitchin'. Some of you guys froze your a$$ off last winter. For the 1st time I was cold. Well, now I'm hoooot!
My bra is off 1 second after I walk through the door after work. I guzzle 2-3 bottles of water. My underwear is permanently wedged in the crack of my ass! My deodorant vacated within the first 2 min. of being in the truck. I don't light cigarettes anymore, I just hold the tip to the hood of my truck.

My hair has the "wet look" permanently. The oily "T-zone" I had at 15 is back with a vengeance!! I no longer put mascara on my lashes, I just run a smudge under my eyes in the morning. I buy "Vagisil" in large quantities. I'm scared I'll get a "heat rash" and do the "happy dance" all throughout the day.

I love the south but, hate summer! I loooong for the cool breezes of fall and the 30 degrees in the winter! I love stews and soups and casseroles. My husband loves steaks, ribs and chicken on the grill. I love feeling the wind rush through my hair, he loves cutting the grass and drinking an ICE cold beer. I love Kahlua in my coffee at Christmas. He still loves Ice cold beer in his coozy. I've always said I wanted a "Dolly Parton" Christmas....big tits and a cabin in the mountains. Hes' all about Don Ho!!! LOL
So, I'm going to take my clothes off, turn the A/C to 68 and sit in my recliner and watch "It's a Wonderful Life"...I'm Hoooot!