Simple things for simple minds

I love kitchen gadgets. I guess its hereditary. My dad is an infomercial whore when it comes to kitchen gadgets. He tries it if its good, I get one or will be getting one, if its nasty, back it goes with a note saying why its a piece of sh1t. Thats my dad.

One of the other bloggers posted about a cool cooker thingy and I just had to have one. I searched for that thing and no where could it be found. Husband was tired of being dragged into kitchen stores every time we went some place...even if we went to the Circle K to buy beer it was "Oh, lets go by here and see if they have that egg-cooker thingy". Finally in desperation I emailed Manadajuice. It was a gift over 2 years ago! She didn't know where it came from! OH NO!!!! Dammit!

Then today daughter called right in the middle of payroll and said "Ma, Mandajuice posted where she got her egg cooker thingy." I stopped payroll and quickly logged in! THERE IT IS!!!! OMG! OOOO! Mandajuice came through, on a FRIDAY no less.
Immediately copied link and sent to daughter and husband pleading for Birthday (6wks), Thanksgiving, Christmas any kind of present just GET ME ONE!!!
Husband said "order it cause I love you". Now how about that?!
Now, I'm getting the.....are you ready.....KRUPS Egg cooker thingy!!! Hot damn! Life is certainly good for me. I'm so excited...simple things for simple minds I guess.

I'm adding Mandajuice's blog site and the egg-cooker thingy web site at the end of this post.
Her site is great, she is funny and real but she cooks and always posts her recipes and menus so you can see if they are eating anything you like or might want to try that week, with the recipe. She has an awesome meatloaf recipe hmmmm. Go check her out....
A special thank you and hug to my daughter who is always looking out for her ma, to Mandajuice for being nice and my husband for saying "Order it!"

http://mandajuice.typepad.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Krups-230-70-Egg-Express-Cooker/dp/B00005KIRS

Don't make me cry........

Lets just say its been a rough few weeks, months, years whatever its all been rough!
My emotions are somewhere around my feet and my tits hurt and I have no patience for stupid people. Which in my mind I am totally surrounded by and find myself continually having to explain to them that they are stupid.

I've been to the "tit" doctor and he has very nicely explained to me that I am in the begining stages of MENOPAUSE!!! Which on the way home made me cry. Why? Hell, I'm pissed! Why is it OK? Its NOT OK!!! Nothing is OK!

Women are totally screwed while men skid through life with only a "crisis" a Mid-life crisis. They want to be young, act young, drive fast little cars, have young women clamouring for them. What do women get?
We get periods, we get child birth, we get anxiety, we get stressed out dealing with lunches, homes, husbands that can't find their socks or underwear, kids, paperwork, jobs and then we have our period and start the ugly ass schedule all over again. What do we get? We get "she's being a bitch". What do men get? "Oh, he's having a mid-life crisis he'll get over it soon enough". Why isn't he an a$$hole?

Why can't we have bad comb overs and plaid pants? Why do we get to deal with everything, then we get slammed with the period of all periods MENOPAUSE!!! Where everything stops and the only thing raging are our hormones and our temper. We wake up one day soaking wet with a "go ahead f$&k with me" attitude and it goes down hill from there.

Only one of my friends has been completely through the cycle and she was totally honest. "Your emotions are on your sleeve and it pisses you off. You cry, which makes you mad, so you cry harder then some a$$hole asks why your crying and you rip off his head and sh1t down his neck. You feel much better so you cry". The end. I will be 51 in 6wks. My husband hasn't talked to me since Friday because I was "being a bitch", I apologized, which he didn't accept because he was pissed, so in all my menopausal glory I told him I could also not talk to him for weeks, suited me just fine...one last thing to do on my list since I did everything else around this GD (yep I said that)house!
I then went to the bedroom and cried. Why? Because he is being an a$$hole and I really hate us being this way and I just want someone to say it only lasts a week then you feel all better and thats the end of menopause, just like your period 5-7 days and dude you are done!

I'm told this is only the begining. That my night sweats will get worse...how much worse can it be when I wake up feeling like I forgot to dry off after my shower? That I will cry and fly off the handle a whole lot more, over smaller things, like dropping my toast face down this morning which caused a flood of tears. The urge to kill people. I kinda like that one. In the middle of my tearful tirade I had a flash back of a show I thought was totally funny at the time,I didn't understand why all my moms' friends kept saying "did you see All in the Family? How true was that"?
Little did I know....
I hope this link works, if not, don't tell me, you'll only make me cry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-TV-O5A_0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_cUVfYUuf0&feature=related

The Un-invited....

Don't 'cha just love it when someone shows up un-invited then just hangs around ruining your weekend and messing up your stuff.

Well meet FAY, the un-invited. We were going tubing down the river this weekend with a cooler full of beer and a basket full of samiches and snacks. But, thanks to her we are trapped in the house, like I'm not here everyday anyway. She hasn't even gotten here completely yet and trees are whipping around and everything is humid and damp. Opened a bag of chips and before I could eat two they were soggy and stale. She will probably hang out until Sunday late afternoon so we've been warned.

She reminds me of the relatives you hide from when they knock on the door un-invited...peeking in windows while you hide behind the sofa being very quiet.
In our area we are tree haven, 20mph winds and trees come tumbling down. Add a lot of rain to already soaked trees and its like a babies overnight diaper...soaked and droopy and one wrong move and down they come. Did I mention flooding? The husband works downtown and in a regular rain most of the streets flood, can you imagine what it will be like in 12 hours? 24? They say Florida and California are going to be islands someday. California is going to break off and Florida will just float away.

I'm sitting at my desk watching the giant pine out front bend back and forth like a wet noodle thinking well, if it comes down I can finally get those new floors and remodel this office, the master bedroom and bathroom. Evil thoughts.

I would love to go play in the rain, splash around in the run off coming down the street, play airplane and hold my arms out and let the wind blow me around. But, alas too much shit is falling out of the trees and I would probably get conked on the head and lay in my yard till someone looked outside to see what the wind was doing.
Can you hear it now? "Honey look, theres our crazy neighbor laying in her front yard in the rain". "Do you think that's on purpose"? "Move away from the window dear, its not polite to stare". There I would be laying there with a knot on my head...drowning in rain water.

God Bless Fay and being trapped in the house YET AGAIN for ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!

So its' been awhile.....how yooouuuu do'in?

I can't believe I have managed to sh1t enough time to do a post. The new job has been so busy that I really thought about just not posting anymore and going to that great blogging palace above..or is it below? Mine? Probably below. Today is the quietest Monday I have had in a month. Which isn't good, but I really needed it.

Lets see...where can I start? Decided to switch phone service to our cable provider since I had gotten so T-TOTALLY pissed off with EmbarQ. I was very excited, until they came out to do the work. Have you ever noticed how one cable guy has no issue dissing another cable guy? You know, the "Jeez lady I don't know what the other cable guy did but he totally fu$%ed up your cables and we now have to dismantle your house and rebuild but don't worry we can be done today...with OUR part". So that's how today has gone. At least they didn't apologize like Embarq does:

"We do apologize for the inconvenience, meanwhile we will transfer your call to to our call center in TIBET where you will be helped by ART who doesn't speak english and will ask you for all the information you just punched into the phone to get this far all over again. He will then put you on hold while he runs down the mountain to use the local phone booth to call us here in the states to see if you really do have Embarq phone service, again we apologize for the inconvenience...please hold".

The cable guy just said plain and simple. "I got you a phone for now, I don't have the tools to go into the attic and re run the cabling but I will turn in a service call for the OTHER tech and he will do it on Wednesday." No, sorry, no nothing. Not his fault....the OTHER cable guy did it!

We had our annual Clogging Jamboree this weekend. It was quite a bit of fun and we danced for 5 hours on Sat. and 2 more on Sat. night. By 10p I was walking like a whore on $1 night. Our group did a dance for the show and I thought you would enjoy seeing me all dressed up in our dance show outfits. The theme this year was HeeHaw. Yeah you read right...HEEHAW the TV show. We danced to a medley of Greenacres and Petticoat Junction.



This is my friend that everyone thinks we look like sisters. Which we just crack up about. We get along great she is the nicer of the two of us. I refer to myself as the "evil twin". I guess everyone needs a friend like that. You know the one that won't let you eat the last piece of chocolate so you don't gain weight so she eats it for you.

I'm going back to work now and I will post again soon. I may not post too much lately but, I'm reading and trying to leave as many comments as possible.

Not Lazy.....

The new job is going well and I am so busy I can't see straight. I am settling into the "home" thing without too many meltdowns as everyone said I would eventually do. But rest assurred it isn't completely meltdown free yet. I am learning how to read Landscaping plans which isn't real difficult but you have to know your numbers. You know 1,2,3, etc. Somedays I'm lucky if I know my name. Husband was going to get me an ID bracelet with my name and address on it but I was afraid he would keep changing the address.

I am suppose to work 730a-430p but its mostly been 630a, 7a, 730a till we get done and done constitutes maybe 8p or 9p. Its fun....did I just write that? Fun? Holy shit maybe I do need that bracelet. Anyway, I finally got to check my e-mail and someone sent me this hilarious sign picture so I decided to stop payroll and do a post! How convienient is that? It is totally politically incorrect, which is usually my favorite.




As I'm sitting here writing this my dog the basset/lab mix (basset body,lab head & tail) is laying at my feet. Brings a nice cozy picture to your mind doesn't it? Well don't! Her stomach is upset and it is making these popping, crackling, rolling noises and she keeps jumping up running down the hall barking with me in hot pursuit so she doesn't sh1t on my rug or yak or anything else that might pop out of all the noises shes making. I open the back door and she is run/squatting as she heads towards the back of the property.
God, I love working at home.....

House working wife?

#1 comment when people find out your working from home:

"OOOO your working from home! You are SOOOOO lucky".

I want to look them in the eye and say...why because I can work in my moo-moo until 10a? Doesn't matter that the reason I'm not dressed is because the phone hasn't stop ringing long enough for me to finish peeing.
It must be nice to sit and watch TV then occasionally answer a phone, type a letter? OO let me add eating bon-bons like the housewives of Orange County.
Oh, yeah I do all that...every single day, jackass!

Unfortunately, I was one of those people that would say that very same thing. NOW I know why those people wanted to rip off my head and sh1t down my neck. Some of them even had children at home!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! SHUT-UP Stupid.

Do I sound bitchy? You bet! I'm tired cranky and whiny. I haven't settled into a "routine" whatever the hell that is. I've asked people that work at home HOW!? What do I need to do or not do?
Basically what I get is "Oh, for the first few weeks your crazy THEN you settle into a "routine". I think they are getting even with me for the day I said "OOO you get to work at home". There really isn't a routine. Its some cruel joke set up by
work at homers to get even with the googly-eyed you-get-to-work-at-homers.

Well, I'm done with the jokes....WHAT IS THE ROUTINE,PLEASE?
Is it you do both house and job then fall into bed at 10p? Worrying about what you might have missed even though you have checked everything a bazillion times?
What do you worry about and don't worry about? Do you just say "F&^% it! and do your best?

In my mind the job is priority, then when things are quiet and I've completed most of my work I take little breaks and straighten house, make coffee for morning, throw in a load of laundry, etc. Is THAT the "routine"?

I know several out there work from home and I need to find a balance. REALLY! I'm too anal to just let stuff go around the house.

Husband says there is no difference "You are at work, do your work, then when you "come home" do what you think you need or don't do it. Nothings changed just the location of the office".

Is that true?

Am I in over my head?

Glub! Glub! Today I feel like I stepped into a pile of shit and my shovel is in the garage. I actually put my head down on my new desk and dropped about a dozen tears on the floor thinking "what have I done!"

My problem: I can't understand how someone could have her filing all neat and done yet...leave bills sitting on the desk for a month and NOT mention to anyone that they were there! Quote "I thought "boss" would come by the office and see them." Unquote!
Problem here? Over a month ago he told me "I only go into the office to pay bills, secretary calls, tells me they are there and I come in." He is extremely busy and that's why they set up the call system. Last week he told me, "now that you have the checkbook you will never see me in the office."
Works for me that's what phones are for. So I spent today calling people and explaining she was no longer there and we just "found" these invoices. Apologize, apologize and beg for forgiveness.

No notes on anything, just stickys every where! On the wall in the drawers, pass codes, phone numbers, addresses, client names, account numbers, no rolodex just
FU%$ing stickys. Don't get me wrong I love sticky notes....My computer is a grave yard for sticky notes but its for things I use rarely but need on a split second notice. Plus they are lined up across the bottom. (That makes it OK, right?)

Most of my problem? I'm so anal retentive when it comes to bookkeeping, client information, organization, etc. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of confusion.

When I get this office moved and organized God help the person that messes up my space.....OOOOOOO