Sitting down to pee....

Last Tuesday I went into the master bathroom to pee. We, meaning both husband and me use this bathroom 85% of the time. After all, it is "our" bathroom....unless of course it needs cleaning. Anyway, as I'm sitting there I glance over at the tub....hmmm why is there dirt on the floor, I just swept. Hmmmm what is that dark spot on the baseboard? Hmmmmmm. Get a damp paper towel to wipe up dirt....
WELL SH1T!!! there is a .50 piece size hole in the baseboard and its about 2-3" deep. Take husbands toothbrush and poke around in hole. Pieces of sheetrock and the back of the tile on edge of tub start falling out. DAMMIT! Hmmmm who do I know that can tell me what the F%^& this mess is? Call daughter, they have friend who is contractor he will come over and look at it. While on the phone with him he mentions it "could be" a burrowing spider, bee or beetle they sometimes get into walls then burrow out. Now as I'm poking around this hole, still using husbands toothbrush I wonder just how big this "thing" might be. Being a horror movie fan I have seen what spiders, bees and beetles can do. No way in hell am I sticking anything in that hole other than the husbands toothbrush.

We have had some problems with the handle in the tub since we moved in. We have had plumbers come out 2-3 times. Our neighbor told us the previous owner had said he was glad to "finally be rid of that bathroom". Gee, do you think you could have mentioned that before we paid for a plumber three different times?

The guys come out, look at my hole. Poke around in it then promptly start peeling off chunks of sheet rock. They pull the turn on handle off the tub. Well here is the problem... the valve has had a s-l-l-o-o-w-w drip forever. It has finally done enough interior damage that it was heading for the outside world. Ready to rot anything in its way to devouring my walls, baseboards and wall tile. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, one week before old stinky, smelly carpet in hall and three bedrooms being replaced and one week before my folks come up to visit before Thanksgiving. Are we having fun yet?

To make a long story short...knock out about 15 tiles in around the faucet handle in shower, replace valve, install new handle....$250.00.
Knock out sheet rock, pull off baseboard. $200.00.
total $500 inc. extra material...not bad. But wait theres' more.... husband has decided that we need to re-paint the bath and vanity area. We have to paint the new sheetrock anyway, miswell get rid of what he deems "that awful green" right? Sure you bet...gonna get right on that. This Saturday I am painting.

I have decided one very important thing....I am going to learn how to pee standing up! Yes sir. If I had been standing up my back would have been to the wall and like my husband I would never have seen the dirt or the hole. Maybe just maybe he would have discovered it first. Hell who am I kidding. He would have seen it, called for me and I still would have called the plumber and dealt with the repair man and I would still be painting on Saturday.

I'm just glad it was his toothbrush I used to poke around in that hole!

I'm going Bye-Bye

Heading to Busch Gardens today...gonna stay in a really nice hotel....gonna ride the rides, eat too much shit, drink to many beers and bitch about the fat cells I created while gone, I'm gonna bring a really sexy nighty and beg for sex every night!

Yep, I'm a going bye-bye and looking forward to it. Wish me luck on accomplishing everything I want to do, including the begging part!

A borrower I am

I am "borrowing" from Burgs' post about 6 quirky things about myself. The husband says I'm weird, anal retentive, menopausal, whatever it may be I like the word QUIRKY!

1) I can't stand people, adults or children who spit! Its' nasty, unsanitary and just plain gross. I have been known to slap people in the back of the head when they spit. When my son's friends were younger and they spit in front of me I would promptly and efficiently smack them in the back of the head. Even as adults and they forget...they automatically duck!

2) I hate people in the kitchen with me. You know the "what can I do to help?" people. Totally useless in my opinion. To be polite I always give them something like getting the silverware out or plates. But I secretly wish they would go away and play someplace else.

3) I don't like disorganization. Period! Make notes, keep a schedule do something but don't ask me to keep remembering everything for you! My boss is very good at being disorganized.

4) I hate to shop for shoes, clothing or going to the mall. I don't even need to discuss my reasons. Its just boring and crowded.

5) People who will not drive! They step on the brake every few feet, they refuse to use a blinker, they cruise along in 50mph traffic at 25 because they are looking for an address or they are talking on their cell. They ride in the passing lane on the highway doing 65 because 70 is "too fast" in their opinion. I'm not a road rage kind of driver, I'm more a "well holy shit what did I do to deserve this" kind of driver.
I want to go where I'm going, get there in one piece and wished you would do the same! If you have more to do other than drive your car, pull over, write it down, look it up, phone a friend whatever just stop doing everything but driving!

6) Religion....Yes, I believe in God. Let it alone after I generously answer your "do you believe in God" question then start on a diatribe of why I'm going to hell for not being a member of your church. Religion is a personal thing and frankly there are quite a few "Christians" that I wouldn't let near or in my house.

Well, now that I have alienated half the population, I guess I'm done.

Simple things for simple minds

I love kitchen gadgets. I guess its hereditary. My dad is an infomercial whore when it comes to kitchen gadgets. He tries it if its good, I get one or will be getting one, if its nasty, back it goes with a note saying why its a piece of sh1t. Thats my dad.

One of the other bloggers posted about a cool cooker thingy and I just had to have one. I searched for that thing and no where could it be found. Husband was tired of being dragged into kitchen stores every time we went some place...even if we went to the Circle K to buy beer it was "Oh, lets go by here and see if they have that egg-cooker thingy". Finally in desperation I emailed Manadajuice. It was a gift over 2 years ago! She didn't know where it came from! OH NO!!!! Dammit!

Then today daughter called right in the middle of payroll and said "Ma, Mandajuice posted where she got her egg cooker thingy." I stopped payroll and quickly logged in! THERE IT IS!!!! OMG! OOOO! Mandajuice came through, on a FRIDAY no less.
Immediately copied link and sent to daughter and husband pleading for Birthday (6wks), Thanksgiving, Christmas any kind of present just GET ME ONE!!!
Husband said "order it cause I love you". Now how about that?!
Now, I'm getting the.....are you ready.....KRUPS Egg cooker thingy!!! Hot damn! Life is certainly good for me. I'm so excited...simple things for simple minds I guess.

I'm adding Mandajuice's blog site and the egg-cooker thingy web site at the end of this post.
Her site is great, she is funny and real but she cooks and always posts her recipes and menus so you can see if they are eating anything you like or might want to try that week, with the recipe. She has an awesome meatloaf recipe hmmmm. Go check her out....
A special thank you and hug to my daughter who is always looking out for her ma, to Mandajuice for being nice and my husband for saying "Order it!"

http://mandajuice.typepad.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Krups-230-70-Egg-Express-Cooker/dp/B00005KIRS

Don't make me cry........

Lets just say its been a rough few weeks, months, years whatever its all been rough!
My emotions are somewhere around my feet and my tits hurt and I have no patience for stupid people. Which in my mind I am totally surrounded by and find myself continually having to explain to them that they are stupid.

I've been to the "tit" doctor and he has very nicely explained to me that I am in the begining stages of MENOPAUSE!!! Which on the way home made me cry. Why? Hell, I'm pissed! Why is it OK? Its NOT OK!!! Nothing is OK!

Women are totally screwed while men skid through life with only a "crisis" a Mid-life crisis. They want to be young, act young, drive fast little cars, have young women clamouring for them. What do women get?
We get periods, we get child birth, we get anxiety, we get stressed out dealing with lunches, homes, husbands that can't find their socks or underwear, kids, paperwork, jobs and then we have our period and start the ugly ass schedule all over again. What do we get? We get "she's being a bitch". What do men get? "Oh, he's having a mid-life crisis he'll get over it soon enough". Why isn't he an a$$hole?

Why can't we have bad comb overs and plaid pants? Why do we get to deal with everything, then we get slammed with the period of all periods MENOPAUSE!!! Where everything stops and the only thing raging are our hormones and our temper. We wake up one day soaking wet with a "go ahead f$&k with me" attitude and it goes down hill from there.

Only one of my friends has been completely through the cycle and she was totally honest. "Your emotions are on your sleeve and it pisses you off. You cry, which makes you mad, so you cry harder then some a$$hole asks why your crying and you rip off his head and sh1t down his neck. You feel much better so you cry". The end. I will be 51 in 6wks. My husband hasn't talked to me since Friday because I was "being a bitch", I apologized, which he didn't accept because he was pissed, so in all my menopausal glory I told him I could also not talk to him for weeks, suited me just fine...one last thing to do on my list since I did everything else around this GD (yep I said that)house!
I then went to the bedroom and cried. Why? Because he is being an a$$hole and I really hate us being this way and I just want someone to say it only lasts a week then you feel all better and thats the end of menopause, just like your period 5-7 days and dude you are done!

I'm told this is only the begining. That my night sweats will get worse...how much worse can it be when I wake up feeling like I forgot to dry off after my shower? That I will cry and fly off the handle a whole lot more, over smaller things, like dropping my toast face down this morning which caused a flood of tears. The urge to kill people. I kinda like that one. In the middle of my tearful tirade I had a flash back of a show I thought was totally funny at the time,I didn't understand why all my moms' friends kept saying "did you see All in the Family? How true was that"?
Little did I know....
I hope this link works, if not, don't tell me, you'll only make me cry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-TV-O5A_0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_cUVfYUuf0&feature=related

The Un-invited....

Don't 'cha just love it when someone shows up un-invited then just hangs around ruining your weekend and messing up your stuff.

Well meet FAY, the un-invited. We were going tubing down the river this weekend with a cooler full of beer and a basket full of samiches and snacks. But, thanks to her we are trapped in the house, like I'm not here everyday anyway. She hasn't even gotten here completely yet and trees are whipping around and everything is humid and damp. Opened a bag of chips and before I could eat two they were soggy and stale. She will probably hang out until Sunday late afternoon so we've been warned.

She reminds me of the relatives you hide from when they knock on the door un-invited...peeking in windows while you hide behind the sofa being very quiet.
In our area we are tree haven, 20mph winds and trees come tumbling down. Add a lot of rain to already soaked trees and its like a babies overnight diaper...soaked and droopy and one wrong move and down they come. Did I mention flooding? The husband works downtown and in a regular rain most of the streets flood, can you imagine what it will be like in 12 hours? 24? They say Florida and California are going to be islands someday. California is going to break off and Florida will just float away.

I'm sitting at my desk watching the giant pine out front bend back and forth like a wet noodle thinking well, if it comes down I can finally get those new floors and remodel this office, the master bedroom and bathroom. Evil thoughts.

I would love to go play in the rain, splash around in the run off coming down the street, play airplane and hold my arms out and let the wind blow me around. But, alas too much shit is falling out of the trees and I would probably get conked on the head and lay in my yard till someone looked outside to see what the wind was doing.
Can you hear it now? "Honey look, theres our crazy neighbor laying in her front yard in the rain". "Do you think that's on purpose"? "Move away from the window dear, its not polite to stare". There I would be laying there with a knot on my head...drowning in rain water.

God Bless Fay and being trapped in the house YET AGAIN for ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!

So its' been awhile.....how yooouuuu do'in?

I can't believe I have managed to sh1t enough time to do a post. The new job has been so busy that I really thought about just not posting anymore and going to that great blogging palace above..or is it below? Mine? Probably below. Today is the quietest Monday I have had in a month. Which isn't good, but I really needed it.

Lets see...where can I start? Decided to switch phone service to our cable provider since I had gotten so T-TOTALLY pissed off with EmbarQ. I was very excited, until they came out to do the work. Have you ever noticed how one cable guy has no issue dissing another cable guy? You know, the "Jeez lady I don't know what the other cable guy did but he totally fu$%ed up your cables and we now have to dismantle your house and rebuild but don't worry we can be done today...with OUR part". So that's how today has gone. At least they didn't apologize like Embarq does:

"We do apologize for the inconvenience, meanwhile we will transfer your call to to our call center in TIBET where you will be helped by ART who doesn't speak english and will ask you for all the information you just punched into the phone to get this far all over again. He will then put you on hold while he runs down the mountain to use the local phone booth to call us here in the states to see if you really do have Embarq phone service, again we apologize for the inconvenience...please hold".

The cable guy just said plain and simple. "I got you a phone for now, I don't have the tools to go into the attic and re run the cabling but I will turn in a service call for the OTHER tech and he will do it on Wednesday." No, sorry, no nothing. Not his fault....the OTHER cable guy did it!

We had our annual Clogging Jamboree this weekend. It was quite a bit of fun and we danced for 5 hours on Sat. and 2 more on Sat. night. By 10p I was walking like a whore on $1 night. Our group did a dance for the show and I thought you would enjoy seeing me all dressed up in our dance show outfits. The theme this year was HeeHaw. Yeah you read right...HEEHAW the TV show. We danced to a medley of Greenacres and Petticoat Junction.



This is my friend that everyone thinks we look like sisters. Which we just crack up about. We get along great she is the nicer of the two of us. I refer to myself as the "evil twin". I guess everyone needs a friend like that. You know the one that won't let you eat the last piece of chocolate so you don't gain weight so she eats it for you.

I'm going back to work now and I will post again soon. I may not post too much lately but, I'm reading and trying to leave as many comments as possible.