Grammice

FaceBook has got me...

2009-04-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

I am now a Facebook whore! There is no other word for it. I log on in the morning, I work for an hour or so then BAM! There I am on the Facebook highway. I catch up, make a comment here or there then back to work for a while.

Its awful. I love it! Its like a your favorite food and you can't get fat. Now don't get me wrong I make sure that I don't live there, just visit. I love a quick chat with a friend. Relizing that I'm not the only one that day that wished they had stayed in bed with the covers pulled over their head. I love not having to deal with people if I don't want to!!! I can lurk and nobody cares. I'm not anxiously awaiting comments to a post. Was it stupid? Is anybody reading me any more? On FB there is no pressure. Right now I don't need pressure.

I'm not saying its BETTER than blogging, I'm saying its easier. I don't feel like I have to be creative in my postings to keep people reading and nobody is really leaving comments any more so how do you know?

So sorry to all you folks out there in blog-land. I loved blogging but I guess I've moved on. Maybe someday I'll bop back in but most likely by then I will have learned how to TWITTER...which I haven't quite figured out yet...

I'm still reading everyone else and yes I'm lurking.

Bad Moon Rising

2009-02-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising lyrics

Husband is having a really bad week!

Am I a Looney Survival Lady? Probably......

2009-01-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

I recently received this e-mail:

"My husband sent this to me because he's always making me buy potted meat at the darn dollar general and everywhere else. He's a paranoid survival guy. Either way, you can pretty much bet i'm gonna be a gonner because i refuse to eat SPAM, Potted Meat, (With or without crackers) and Vienna sausages.

But to those of you like my husband and my mother who are waiting on the storm of the century, zombies to walk, and gas bombs to drop, please see below at this guy's recommendations after he went through Katrina."

Now the rest of the e-mail tells this guys survival story and the mistakes he made along the way with Katrina. He also lets you know that he made some pretty smart moves. I was impressed. This guy instantly became my hero because HE KNOWS! He went thru the Katrina hell and he did better than most and he was nice enough to pass on this information.
Yes, I want to be ready. How do we know the government is not making some weird shit for germ warfare? Nothing is fail safe, we are humans, so who knows maybe Stephen Kings' "The Stand" or "The Day of The Dead" won't happen? Hmmmm? I mean there are so many under ground labs and missile bases that we aren't privy to that we could be sitting on top of a time bomb and never know it.

Then there are the predictions of Nostradamus. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer in God. But God has slapped some pretty awful shit on people in the past AND even the bible predicts an Armageddon and the four horsemen.

My husband thinks I'm slightly off base with the whole "government and what if terrorists (not just the ones outside, we got some pretty scary people living in the good 'ol US of A) DO what they are threatening" thing.
His favorite saying "Honey, they have people that make sure of those issues".
Me, I promptly throw the economy in his face along with gas prices and other government follies. I have no shame.
My favorite saying "Anytime you want something Fu%$ed up ask the government to handle it".

Living where we do hurricanes are another issue. I'm prepared, but according to that guys story about Katrina I need to kick it up a notch or two. Which I'm going to do. No doubt.

Make fun if you want, label me another loony tune that puts aluminum foil over windows (no I don't do that) an never read me again, but when the zombies walk, the storm of the century hits you betcha me and SIL are gonna be totally prepared and hunkered down.
Guaran-damn-tee when things get bad husband and daughter gonna love that SPAM and cracker sandwich!

Just a scattered mind at work.....

2009-01-12T12:36:00.000-08:00

OK, how come husbands give you money for Christmas then get upset if you want to spend it on something you want that they think is stupid? Especially after they just bought themselves a new golf club and you DIDN'T give them any money for Christmas. Is it just me or are there others out there?

The other day I had an old man flip me off in Publix's parking lot. Yep, just gave me 1/2 a peace sign and proceeded to continue to pull out in front of me. God Bless him.

The company I work for is having very s-l-o-w cash flow issues. I worry, my boss doesn't. I have had two paychecks late (but got them none the less). I have been on the phone the last few weeks negotiating with non negotiating vendors. Some work for payments and some have told me "by this date or your going to collections". Friendly bunch.
I am very anal about the bill paying and basically aside from 2 vendors everyone is in the 45 day range. Problem is its year end and every government agency, city agency and insurance company wants their money NOW!

Why do cats yak all the way down the hallway instead of just standing still and getting it over with? Why does it have to happen at 2am which means you have to get up, clean it up or the dog will eat it. Gross, yes, reality ewwww yes.

How come my pre-shrunk jeans shrunk in a cold wash and warm dryer?

Does anyone know where I put my remote for the garage door? And yes I already looked in the fridge since I have previously found the TV remote there.

The local newspaper has cut the size of the paper on Mon. & Tues., they haven't cut the cost. They explain they are doing us a favor by not eliminating the "slow days" paper altogether, therefore keeping people in jobs. YET, their customer base has grown 25% in the last quarter. Hmmmm

Why are ink cartridges so expensive for printers? Why won't my printer work when the colored ink is out and I'm only using black? Conspiracy theory.

Anyone going to the Inauguration?

I didn't make any resolutions this year. Decided every time I succeed at something I'm going to say it was my New Years resolution.

Let the games begin

2008-12-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

Our 25Th anniversary dinner was awesome. He loved his present. Here we are celebrating and no I'm not tipsy just very happy!

Now, its time to crank into last minute Christmas. Did we miss anyone? How much more wrapping? Dinner what are we having at dinner? Which birthday is coming? The answers to all the above:
No, after numerous recounts and list checking everyone is done.
Wrapping....bahahahahaha can you say up all night for the next three days?
Dinner? See Sh1ts and Giggles, what goes with macaroni salad?
G-daughter #2, 13Th birthday, Tuesday, 6p, Pizza Hut kids eat free. Dammit I gotta get that cake in the oven!!!

Merry Christmas everyone...Let the games begin!!!

Whewwww

2008-12-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

I want to send special kudos to UPS! Husbands' present arrived, its wrapped and bowed! My dignity has been saved and I hope he loves it!

He made me cry.......

2008-12-18T07:33:00.001-08:00

Well the big day is here...we have been married 25 years. Husband made me cry. We got up bright and early as usual and as a personal gift just for me he slept on my side of the bed and snored like a freight train all night. But, that's not what made me cry....instead murderous intent clouded my vision for the umpteenth time during the night.
He gave me the most beautiful snow globe I have ever seen. Inside were a silver key and heart and when you shook it little tiny hearts and keys floated around. It sits on a carved silver base and he had it engraved with a very special message just for me. Its musical and plays "Love me tender". I cried like a two year old that dropped her ice cream cone. I'm not a fragile, foo-foo kind of girl but, I love snow globes an this was just so damn sentimental! There I go again....

As per my luck because he is a banker and can check the checkbook and credit card transactions a gazillion times I had to wait to get his present. It SHOULD be here today. I have been tracking the hell out of it. But, I had a back up plan. I have a very old picture of us when we first dated. We are hugging and we look so young and in love. I tried to get it restored but takes several weeks and because its a wallet size and has been toted around for 30 years its a bit worn. No guarantee. God bless Walmart. Took picture, colored, edited, cropped and put in a silver frame that said "Memories" around the edges. I felt so tacky this morning. He loved it. I felt awful after that totally awesome snow globe and crying, jeez Grammice...SHAME!

I am praying the UPS man will hurry, hurry today and I can still salvage my dignity.
See, that's just the kind of guy he is, thoughtful, romantical continually spoiling me.

Can we postpone Christmas?

2008-12-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

Today for the 1st time in 3 days my head & chest are no longer my enemy. We are now working together as a team. The head is thinking and the chest is expanding without pain and vicious coughing.

Feeling better I decided to open the door to the "Christmas room". Actually the extra bedroom where I load all presents after Thanksgiving so I can sort and count and wrap. Promptly closed it and thought "OMG! how am I going to get done wrapping and sorting by Christmas eve?" I have decided to wait until New Years eve. Due to the economy Santa's reindeer went on strike and he just negotiated a new contract for 2009. There...I'm feeling much better now.......

Something to talk about

2008-12-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

Next Thursday, December 18th the husband & I will celebrate 25 years of wedded bliss. Yep! We have been married 25 YEARS!!! 2-5! Holy sh1t what did we ever find to talk about? No, I don't get up and put my make-up on before he gets up like my mom did after she married daddy. No, I don't run the water when I pee like my mom did. Sometimes in the early years dinner wasn't on the table at 6 or 7...sometimes you had a sandwich.

I still wear sloppy t-shirts and jeans 'cause they are comfortable and when I do dress-up and wear pantyhose he really appreciates it. When we were dating he cracked the first fart, by accident, forgot I was sitting next to him....which meant open season for me! Yes, I was the first one to pull the sheet over his head! Naaa,naa!

We have been through a lot. Kids for one. I already had them when we started dating, kept them after we got married. His finest achievement? When he adopted the kids they changed the birth certificates. On daughters it shows "fathers age at time of birth" he was 15. LOL He is still proud to this day! Yes, I'm older, 2yrs and 2weeks. Not much, just enough to make him look good. In the early years I threatened divorce after one particularly ugly fight, he said "Fine, but the kids are mine and you can go". I had to think about it......LOL
They are HIS kids! People say my son looks just as much like him as daughter does me. They both think more like him than me. I think God knew what was going to happen in my 1st marriage so he stole a gene from husband and gave it to them.

We very rarely fight anymore. Not like we did those 1st few years. We would throw each other out then sabotage the vehicle so the other couldn't leave. I threw a giant trash can at him 1 time. Ahhh back in the day when I had a temper like a wildcat. He loved me anyway. He says I can piss him off faster than anyone else. Wonder why? Could it be the time I scrubbed the bathroom with his toothbrush, then forgot to put under the sink? He used it for a week before I noticed. Or when I had my own checkbook and I rounded up all the entries so I would always have more money than I thought. He spent 3 hours trying to balance the account before he realized what I had done. No more checkbook. Seemed perfectly normal to me, remember I'm a bookkeeper LOL!

His mom said our marriage was like Cyndi Lauper being married to Robert Young (for those who know who they are).
He is conservative. I have a mouth like a sailor, alot, he usually only says sh1t and damn. Daughter and I would yell at each other when she was teen, he spoke to her.
He says he is "damn lucky to be married to someone as caring, loving and special as me". I checked the marriage license to make sure my name was written there.
He remembers the day, the date, where we met, where we had our first date and when we had our first sex. I remember to buy beer at the grocery.
No, its not one sided. I adore the man. He has taught me patience, how to be (reasonably) politically correct and spoils me. I look forward to him coming home everyday. He understands when I cry for no reason and when I'm so angry I could spit nails. He always tells me he admires the fact that I would "defend my children, grandchildren and my beliefs to the bitter end, right, wrong or indifferent". I just figured I was bull-headed like my mom said.

We totally compliment each other. I'm pretty sure he is my soul mate. I can never imagine what my life would be like without my strongest supporter, the one person who totally accepts me for who and what I am and loves me because of it.
In honor of our 25 years I am so glad we did "find something to talk about".

Just a quickie

2008-11-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

Been a little swamped lately but here are some catch-ups!

Two weeks ago I hurt my neck...MRI....bulging discs, one really bad. Had little to no use of left arm...I am left handed. Missed dancing at the Bradley Days show the culmination of all year long practicing. Today I have been released by my chiropractor and all is well. As he put it "you dodged a bullet, don't do it again."

G-son has lost two teeth! He calls and will only tell me not g-pop. Why? Because g-mom makes sure the tooth fairy comes to her house too. Last night our conversation went something like this:

Him: G-mom I lost another tooth, can the tooth fairy leave money at your house again?

Me: That's wonderful! I will leave her a note and ask her.

Him: Ask her for $2. I really need $2 this time.

Me: Why $2?

Him: Because its at your house and grandpa will give it to her.

Me: Well, we will see. The amount of money depends on how big the tooth is and how many you lost and how much money she left at your house.

Him: G-mom just tell her OK? Its a big tooth and she only leaves me change at my house. Just tell her g-pop will pay her back.

Me: OK, I'll tell her.

Meantime g-pop is cracking up over this whole thing because as he puts it "Now I have to payback the tooth fairy?"

I'm already for Thanksgiving! Yep, everything is prepared, turkeys are prepping for frying and I have Knob Creek bourbon and Canada Dry ginger ale sitting in the wings!

So HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone! Make sure you count your blessings, especially this year...its been rough on everyone directly and indirectly! If you can have your family and friends close to you then this is something everyone should be Thankful for, even if you don't like them. Above all else even the ones we really can't stand have taught us something....SELF CONTROL and PATIENCE!

Sitting down to pee....

2008-11-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday I went into the master bathroom to pee. We, meaning both husband and me use this bathroom 85% of the time. After all, it is "our" bathroom....unless of course it needs cleaning. Anyway, as I'm sitting there I glance over at the tub....hmmm why is there dirt on the floor, I just swept. Hmmmm what is that dark spot on the baseboard? Hmmmmmm. Get a damp paper towel to wipe up dirt....
WELL SH1T!!! there is a .50 piece size hole in the baseboard and its about 2-3" deep. Take husbands toothbrush and poke around in hole. Pieces of sheetrock and the back of the tile on edge of tub start falling out. DAMMIT! Hmmmm who do I know that can tell me what the F%^& this mess is? Call daughter, they have friend who is contractor he will come over and look at it. While on the phone with him he mentions it "could be" a burrowing spider, bee or beetle they sometimes get into walls then burrow out. Now as I'm poking around this hole, still using husbands toothbrush I wonder just how big this "thing" might be. Being a horror movie fan I have seen what spiders, bees and beetles can do. No way in hell am I sticking anything in that hole other than the husbands toothbrush.

We have had some problems with the handle in the tub since we moved in. We have had plumbers come out 2-3 times. Our neighbor told us the previous owner had said he was glad to "finally be rid of that bathroom". Gee, do you think you could have mentioned that before we paid for a plumber three different times?

The guys come out, look at my hole. Poke around in it then promptly start peeling off chunks of sheet rock. They pull the turn on handle off the tub. Well here is the problem... the valve has had a s-l-l-o-o-w-w drip forever. It has finally done enough interior damage that it was heading for the outside world. Ready to rot anything in its way to devouring my walls, baseboards and wall tile. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, one week before old stinky, smelly carpet in hall and three bedrooms being replaced and one week before my folks come up to visit before Thanksgiving. Are we having fun yet?

To make a long story short...knock out about 15 tiles in around the faucet handle in shower, replace valve, install new handle....$250.00.
Knock out sheet rock, pull off baseboard. $200.00.
total $500 inc. extra material...not bad. But wait theres' more.... husband has decided that we need to re-paint the bath and vanity area. We have to paint the new sheetrock anyway, miswell get rid of what he deems "that awful green" right? Sure you bet...gonna get right on that. This Saturday I am painting.

I have decided one very important thing....I am going to learn how to pee standing up! Yes sir. If I had been standing up my back would have been to the wall and like my husband I would never have seen the dirt or the hole. Maybe just maybe he would have discovered it first. Hell who am I kidding. He would have seen it, called for me and I still would have called the plumber and dealt with the repair man and I would still be painting on Saturday.

I'm just glad it was his toothbrush I used to poke around in that hole!

I'm going Bye-Bye

2008-10-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Heading to Busch Gardens today...gonna stay in a really nice hotel....gonna ride the rides, eat too much shit, drink to many beers and bitch about the fat cells I created while gone, I'm gonna bring a really sexy nighty and beg for sex every night!

Yep, I'm a going bye-bye and looking forward to it. Wish me luck on accomplishing everything I want to do, including the begging part!

A borrower I am

2008-10-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am "borrowing" from Burgs' post about 6 quirky things about myself. The husband says I'm weird, anal retentive, menopausal, whatever it may be I like the word QUIRKY!

1) I can't stand people, adults or children who spit! Its' nasty, unsanitary and just plain gross. I have been known to slap people in the back of the head when they spit. When my son's friends were younger and they spit in front of me I would promptly and efficiently smack them in the back of the head. Even as adults and they forget...they automatically duck!

2) I hate people in the kitchen with me. You know the "what can I do to help?" people. Totally useless in my opinion. To be polite I always give them something like getting the silverware out or plates. But I secretly wish they would go away and play someplace else.

3) I don't like disorganization. Period! Make notes, keep a schedule do something but don't ask me to keep remembering everything for you! My boss is very good at being disorganized.

4) I hate to shop for shoes, clothing or going to the mall. I don't even need to discuss my reasons. Its just boring and crowded.

5) People who will not drive! They step on the brake every few feet, they refuse to use a blinker, they cruise along in 50mph traffic at 25 because they are looking for an address or they are talking on their cell. They ride in the passing lane on the highway doing 65 because 70 is "too fast" in their opinion. I'm not a road rage kind of driver, I'm more a "well holy shit what did I do to deserve this" kind of driver.
I want to go where I'm going, get there in one piece and wished you would do the same! If you have more to do other than drive your car, pull over, write it down, look it up, phone a friend whatever just stop doing everything but driving!

6) Religion....Yes, I believe in God. Let it alone after I generously answer your "do you believe in God" question then start on a diatribe of why I'm going to hell for not being a member of your church. Religion is a personal thing and frankly there are quite a few "Christians" that I wouldn't let near or in my house.

Well, now that I have alienated half the population, I guess I'm done.

Simple things for simple minds

2008-09-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

I love kitchen gadgets. I guess its hereditary. My dad is an infomercial whore when it comes to kitchen gadgets. He tries it if its good, I get one or will be getting one, if its nasty, back it goes with a note saying why its a piece of sh1t. Thats my dad.

One of the other bloggers posted about a cool cooker thingy and I just had to have one. I searched for that thing and no where could it be found. Husband was tired of being dragged into kitchen stores every time we went some place...even if we went to the Circle K to buy beer it was "Oh, lets go by here and see if they have that egg-cooker thingy". Finally in desperation I emailed Manadajuice. It was a gift over 2 years ago! She didn't know where it came from! OH NO!!!! Dammit!

Then today daughter called right in the middle of payroll and said "Ma, Mandajuice posted where she got her egg cooker thingy." I stopped payroll and quickly logged in! THERE IT IS!!!! OMG! OOOO! Mandajuice came through, on a FRIDAY no less.
Immediately copied link and sent to daughter and husband pleading for Birthday (6wks), Thanksgiving, Christmas any kind of present just GET ME ONE!!!
Husband said "order it cause I love you". Now how about that?!
Now, I'm getting the.....are you ready.....KRUPS Egg cooker thingy!!! Hot damn! Life is certainly good for me. I'm so excited...simple things for simple minds I guess.

I'm adding Mandajuice's blog site and the egg-cooker thingy web site at the end of this post.
Her site is great, she is funny and real but she cooks and always posts her recipes and menus so you can see if they are eating anything you like or might want to try that week, with the recipe. She has an awesome meatloaf recipe hmmmm. Go check her out....
A special thank you and hug to my daughter who is always looking out for her ma, to Mandajuice for being nice and my husband for saying "Order it!"

http://mandajuice.typepad.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Krups-230-70-Egg-Express-Cooker/dp/B00005KIRS

Don't make me cry........

2008-09-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

Lets just say its been a rough few weeks, months, years whatever its all been rough!
My emotions are somewhere around my feet and my tits hurt and I have no patience for stupid people. Which in my mind I am totally surrounded by and find myself continually having to explain to them that they are stupid.

I've been to the "tit" doctor and he has very nicely explained to me that I am in the begining stages of MENOPAUSE!!! Which on the way home made me cry. Why? Hell, I'm pissed! Why is it OK? Its NOT OK!!! Nothing is OK!

Women are totally screwed while men skid through life with only a "crisis" a Mid-life crisis. They want to be young, act young, drive fast little cars, have young women clamouring for them. What do women get?
We get periods, we get child birth, we get anxiety, we get stressed out dealing with lunches, homes, husbands that can't find their socks or underwear, kids, paperwork, jobs and then we have our period and start the ugly ass schedule all over again. What do we get? We get "she's being a bitch". What do men get? "Oh, he's having a mid-life crisis he'll get over it soon enough". Why isn't he an a$$hole?

Why can't we have bad comb overs and plaid pants? Why do we get to deal with everything, then we get slammed with the period of all periods MENOPAUSE!!! Where everything stops and the only thing raging are our hormones and our temper. We wake up one day soaking wet with a "go ahead f$&k with me" attitude and it goes down hill from there.

Only one of my friends has been completely through the cycle and she was totally honest. "Your emotions are on your sleeve and it pisses you off. You cry, which makes you mad, so you cry harder then some a$$hole asks why your crying and you rip off his head and sh1t down his neck. You feel much better so you cry". The end. I will be 51 in 6wks. My husband hasn't talked to me since Friday because I was "being a bitch", I apologized, which he didn't accept because he was pissed, so in all my menopausal glory I told him I could also not talk to him for weeks, suited me just fine...one last thing to do on my list since I did everything else around this GD (yep I said that)house!
I then went to the bedroom and cried. Why? Because he is being an a$$hole and I really hate us being this way and I just want someone to say it only lasts a week then you feel all better and thats the end of menopause, just like your period 5-7 days and dude you are done!

I'm told this is only the begining. That my night sweats will get worse...how much worse can it be when I wake up feeling like I forgot to dry off after my shower? That I will cry and fly off the handle a whole lot more, over smaller things, like dropping my toast face down this morning which caused a flood of tears. The urge to kill people. I kinda like that one. In the middle of my tearful tirade I had a flash back of a show I thought was totally funny at the time,I didn't understand why all my moms' friends kept saying "did you see All in the Family? How true was that"?
Little did I know....
I hope this link works, if not, don't tell me, you'll only make me cry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-TV-O5A_0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_cUVfYUuf0&feature=related

The Un-invited....

2008-08-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

Don't 'cha just love it when someone shows up un-invited then just hangs around ruining your weekend and messing up your stuff.

Well meet FAY, the un-invited. We were going tubing down the river this weekend with a cooler full of beer and a basket full of samiches and snacks. But, thanks to her we are trapped in the house, like I'm not here everyday anyway. She hasn't even gotten here completely yet and trees are whipping around and everything is humid and damp. Opened a bag of chips and before I could eat two they were soggy and stale. She will probably hang out until Sunday late afternoon so we've been warned.

She reminds me of the relatives you hide from when they knock on the door un-invited...peeking in windows while you hide behind the sofa being very quiet.
In our area we are tree haven, 20mph winds and trees come tumbling down. Add a lot of rain to already soaked trees and its like a babies overnight diaper...soaked and droopy and one wrong move and down they come. Did I mention flooding? The husband works downtown and in a regular rain most of the streets flood, can you imagine what it will be like in 12 hours? 24? They say Florida and California are going to be islands someday. California is going to break off and Florida will just float away.

I'm sitting at my desk watching the giant pine out front bend back and forth like a wet noodle thinking well, if it comes down I can finally get those new floors and remodel this office, the master bedroom and bathroom. Evil thoughts.

I would love to go play in the rain, splash around in the run off coming down the street, play airplane and hold my arms out and let the wind blow me around. But, alas too much shit is falling out of the trees and I would probably get conked on the head and lay in my yard till someone looked outside to see what the wind was doing.
Can you hear it now? "Honey look, theres our crazy neighbor laying in her front yard in the rain". "Do you think that's on purpose"? "Move away from the window dear, its not polite to stare". There I would be laying there with a knot on my head...drowning in rain water.

God Bless Fay and being trapped in the house YET AGAIN for ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!

So its' been awhile.....how yooouuuu do'in?

2008-08-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I have managed to sh1t enough time to do a post. The new job has been so busy that I really thought about just not posting anymore and going to that great blogging palace above..or is it below? Mine? Probably below. Today is the quietest Monday I have had in a month. Which isn't good, but I really needed it.

Lets see...where can I start? Decided to switch phone service to our cable provider since I had gotten so T-TOTALLY pissed off with EmbarQ. I was very excited, until they came out to do the work. Have you ever noticed how one cable guy has no issue dissing another cable guy? You know, the "Jeez lady I don't know what the other cable guy did but he totally fu$%ed up your cables and we now have to dismantle your house and rebuild but don't worry we can be done today...with OUR part". So that's how today has gone. At least they didn't apologize like Embarq does:

"We do apologize for the inconvenience, meanwhile we will transfer your call to to our call center in TIBET where you will be helped by ART who doesn't speak english and will ask you for all the information you just punched into the phone to get this far all over again. He will then put you on hold while he runs down the mountain to use the local phone booth to call us here in the states to see if you really do have Embarq phone service, again we apologize for the inconvenience...please hold".

The cable guy just said plain and simple. "I got you a phone for now, I don't have the tools to go into the attic and re run the cabling but I will turn in a service call for the OTHER tech and he will do it on Wednesday." No, sorry, no nothing. Not his fault....the OTHER cable guy did it!

We had our annual Clogging Jamboree this weekend. It was quite a bit of fun and we danced for 5 hours on Sat. and 2 more on Sat. night. By 10p I was walking like a whore on $1 night. Our group did a dance for the show and I thought you would enjoy seeing me all dressed up in our dance show outfits. The theme this year was HeeHaw. Yeah you read right...HEEHAW the TV show. We danced to a medley of Greenacres and Petticoat Junction.

This is my friend that everyone thinks we look like sisters. Which we just crack up about. We get along great she is the nicer of the two of us. I refer to myself as the "evil twin". I guess everyone needs a friend like that. You know the one that won't let you eat the last piece of chocolate so you don't gain weight so she eats it for you.

I'm going back to work now and I will post again soon. I may not post too much lately but, I'm reading and trying to leave as many comments as possible.

Not Lazy.....

2008-07-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

The new job is going well and I am so busy I can't see straight. I am settling into the "home" thing without too many meltdowns as everyone said I would eventually do. But rest assurred it isn't completely meltdown free yet. I am learning how to read Landscaping plans which isn't real difficult but you have to know your numbers. You know 1,2,3, etc. Somedays I'm lucky if I know my name. Husband was going to get me an ID bracelet with my name and address on it but I was afraid he would keep changing the address.

I am suppose to work 730a-430p but its mostly been 630a, 7a, 730a till we get done and done constitutes maybe 8p or 9p. Its fun....did I just write that? Fun? Holy shit maybe I do need that bracelet. Anyway, I finally got to check my e-mail and someone sent me this hilarious sign picture so I decided to stop payroll and do a post! How convienient is that? It is totally politically incorrect, which is usually my favorite.

As I'm sitting here writing this my dog the basset/lab mix (basset body,lab head & tail) is laying at my feet. Brings a nice cozy picture to your mind doesn't it? Well don't! Her stomach is upset and it is making these popping, crackling, rolling noises and she keeps jumping up running down the hall barking with me in hot pursuit so she doesn't sh1t on my rug or yak or anything else that might pop out of all the noises shes making. I open the back door and she is run/squatting as she heads towards the back of the property.
God, I love working at home.....

House working wife?

2008-07-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

#1 comment when people find out your working from home:

"OOOO your working from home! You are SOOOOO lucky".

I want to look them in the eye and say...why because I can work in my moo-moo until 10a? Doesn't matter that the reason I'm not dressed is because the phone hasn't stop ringing long enough for me to finish peeing.
It must be nice to sit and watch TV then occasionally answer a phone, type a letter? OO let me add eating bon-bons like the housewives of Orange County.
Oh, yeah I do all that...every single day, jackass!

Unfortunately, I was one of those people that would say that very same thing. NOW I know why those people wanted to rip off my head and sh1t down my neck. Some of them even had children at home!! WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! SHUT-UP Stupid.

Do I sound bitchy? You bet! I'm tired cranky and whiny. I haven't settled into a "routine" whatever the hell that is. I've asked people that work at home HOW!? What do I need to do or not do?
Basically what I get is "Oh, for the first few weeks your crazy THEN you settle into a "routine". I think they are getting even with me for the day I said "OOO you get to work at home". There really isn't a routine. Its some cruel joke set up by
work at homers to get even with the googly-eyed you-get-to-work-at-homers.

Well, I'm done with the jokes....WHAT IS THE ROUTINE,PLEASE?
Is it you do both house and job then fall into bed at 10p? Worrying about what you might have missed even though you have checked everything a bazillion times?
What do you worry about and don't worry about? Do you just say "F&^% it! and do your best?

In my mind the job is priority, then when things are quiet and I've completed most of my work I take little breaks and straighten house, make coffee for morning, throw in a load of laundry, etc. Is THAT the "routine"?

I know several out there work from home and I need to find a balance. REALLY! I'm too anal to just let stuff go around the house.

Husband says there is no difference "You are at work, do your work, then when you "come home" do what you think you need or don't do it. Nothings changed just the location of the office".

Is that true?

Am I in over my head?

2008-06-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

Glub! Glub! Today I feel like I stepped into a pile of shit and my shovel is in the garage. I actually put my head down on my new desk and dropped about a dozen tears on the floor thinking "what have I done!"

My problem: I can't understand how someone could have her filing all neat and done yet...leave bills sitting on the desk for a month and NOT mention to anyone that they were there! Quote "I thought "boss" would come by the office and see them." Unquote!
Problem here? Over a month ago he told me "I only go into the office to pay bills, secretary calls, tells me they are there and I come in." He is extremely busy and that's why they set up the call system. Last week he told me, "now that you have the checkbook you will never see me in the office."
Works for me that's what phones are for. So I spent today calling people and explaining she was no longer there and we just "found" these invoices. Apologize, apologize and beg for forgiveness.

No notes on anything, just stickys every where! On the wall in the drawers, pass codes, phone numbers, addresses, client names, account numbers, no rolodex just
FU%$ing stickys. Don't get me wrong I love sticky notes....My computer is a grave yard for sticky notes but its for things I use rarely but need on a split second notice. Plus they are lined up across the bottom. (That makes it OK, right?)

Most of my problem? I'm so anal retentive when it comes to bookkeeping, client information, organization, etc. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of confusion.

When I get this office moved and organized God help the person that messes up my space.....OOOOOOO

A moment of silence .....Please

2008-06-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

The icon of my youth passed away today. The man I used to sneak to watch and listen to. It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that my parents finally admitted that they listened to him "on occasion" as I was growing up. My mother wasn't always happy about his language.

The world has come a long way since then regarding comedians and language. When George said the "7 dirty words you can't say on television" little did he know that someday only one or two of those words would be left on the list.

It broke my heart and brought a tear to my eye when they made the announcement. I guess as we get older and parts of our youth start fading away this is how we feel. I guess this is how our parents felt when Amos and Andy, The Lone Ranger and Superman all passed into entertainment heaven.

And now just a small example of why we loved George:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oboyox3L_MI&feature=related

I hope the link works.

Free, Free at last

2008-06-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my last day...drama ends HERE!!! I made 3 9x12 pans of biscuits, eggs and sausage gravy for my guys which they promptly devoured. The owner & his wife gave me a beautiful necklace and bracelet. My 2 direct bosses and a sales rep told me how much they wished bi-polar would just leave..yada yada. I think she will be in for a shock since she is so positive everyone was happy to see me go. LOL Doesn't matter that she was told straight up that they were not. Oh well, free from the bit#@ at last.

Today starts the first day of the rest of my life. I'm really excited and my mind is flying 90 mph on all the things I want to accomplish. But, alas right now I'm doing laundry and straightening up the house. I have a meeting with my new boss tonight to get the ball rolling on when to let the other person go and setting up some new accounts.

OOOOO I'm gonna be a BUSINESS MANAGER....again!!!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6.....

2008-06-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

After today I will have ONE day left at my current job. Wednesday is my last day. Believe it or not I am really having mixed feelings. I am extremely excited about starting someplace new doing what I enjoy yet, I am really going to miss "my guys" here. They have all been coming in moaning about me actually leaving. Griping about dealing with bi-polar. One even told her she should leave so I would stay. Yeah, that was lovely. Treating people with respect goes a long way in this world and that is exactly what I did. After all in my opinion each time they crawled into an attic, under a house or installed material in new construction they kept my happy ass in a job. Everyday I told them to have a nice day and thanked them.

Starting a new job is totally exciting! Being the Business Manager. Getting the opportunity to help a business grow. It has always been a dream of mine to be in on the "ground floor" of a business, the company is fairly "new" 3 years old. I will be learning SO MUCH. I learned quite a bit about insulation and measuring etc. at this job.
New job, learning real estate procedures especially pre-foreclosure/foreclosure and landscape design. How totally cool is that? Landscaping has always been a love of mine and I spent quite a bit of time working on my yard. Its' not a show place but its LOW maintenance. Real estate? Prior to this house we bought and sold 4 house in 5 years each time we made a decent profit. New and exciting! I just love all that.

SO NOW.....I'm counting down....with no regrets!

I need help... (thats an understatement)

2008-06-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

I am a gi-normous fan of Top Chef on BRAVO TV. Recently Lisa made Peanut Butter mashed potatoes. My husband adores PB (ewwww) but after reading all the boards and blogs not one single person posted their recipe or a recipe. I have done a Food Network search, Google, Yahoo etc. etc. No luck. I found a lot of Peanut butter mashed potato candy recipes but after reading them there was quite a bit of PB. According to all the other places I searched each said that a small amount of PB "really makes these mashed potatoes: Creamier, nice flavor etc".

I'm thinking make my regular mashed potatoes using Sour cream, chicken broth, bacon etc then adding like a tablespoon of PB? Should I melt the PB in nuker 1st?

There are quite a few of you guys out there that really post some awesome recipes so "Help a girl out".

I'd like to try these for Father's Day maybe with a rack of Lamb? Would they be good with Lamb or should I try a steak?

A little something for Sunshine

2008-06-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was this slightly crazy mother of teenagers who desperately wanted a tattoo. Her husband continually bitched and moaned that they were "tacky, gave the wrong impression and why would I want to mark my body like that?" Her daddy was in the Navy and had one. Her brother had several and so did several of her very close man-friends.

She begged and pleaded to no avail. THEN! One day before her birthday she told her husband "Please, I want a tattoo. It will be little and I will make it very tasteful. Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeeee.
The husband relented! A birthday present he said. No more! Indiscreet, tasteful, you promised.
A previous friend took me to his parlor and his guy and I got my tattoo. It was beautiful and it didn't hurt one bit. When I got home my husband wanted to know what I ended up doing. I told him "I got, U.S.D.A. stamped on my ass". After the EMT's left I told him the truth. Now its up to you to decide which one I am.

A Riddle

2008-06-04T04:44:00.000-07:00

Never again will I be yelled at, called stupid or have paperwork thrown on my desk.
Never again will I be "quietly" accused of stealing $100 from petty cash.
Never again will I be told by the bosses wife "don't question the bi-polar bitch, if she yells at you just walk away because she has enough on her plate".

Did anyone guess my riddle? LOL

June 18th will be my last day. I have a new job! I will be the Business Manager for an LLC that is owned by a friend of my sons'. He has tried for years to get me to come to work for him and it was always been the wrong time or the wrong situation. It is not a Fortune 500 company by any means BUT, I will be trusted completely. I will still have my freedom but I'm not one to abuse anything given to me. It is going to save me a fortune in gas in the big 'ol diesel I drive because the office is less than 2 miles from my house. Which brings me to another point. I will be "picking" my office. I will be learning the Real Estate business and will be dealing with his other branch which is Landscape design. I'm so excited I just might pee my pants like Kheatherg.

So peoples in blog land how about a great big 'ol HOOOYAHHH.

46 things you don't give a sh1t about..

2008-05-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

So if anyone really gives a sh1t here are 46 things about me that you didn't know or even care to know. I'm very tired tonight so I need a filler. Thank you
Sh1tsandgiggles.

1. Do you like blue cheese? As long as its not moldy blue, then you just cut that piece off.

2. Where do you work? An Insulation company

3. Do you own a gun? Yes, rubberbands are still 1000 for $2.00 at the Waldog

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? What flavor is Vodka?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Nope, I figure he should be the nervous one.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Parts is parts

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Its' a Wonderful Life...until the bills start coming in.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee, Coffeee, Coffeeeeeeeeee!

9. Can you do pushups? Sure, you just push the little stick and orange ice cream lands right in your mouth or on the dog depending on how hard you push.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Timex watch, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking, unlike some other thing in my house that usually falls asleep afterward.

11. Favorite hobby? Fishing and catching

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Absolute debit denial? Yes.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? You will have to ask the "nazi" at work, she has a list about me

14. Middle name? Carol

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. 1- KHeather is such a cheese ball for starting this.
2. It's ONLY 730p! 3-If I eat another orange I will get rid of the fatty ice cream I just ate in the morning.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: I bought the love of 3 g-kids by spending $188. at Walmart on them....LOL

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Vodka/grapefruit, coffee and water

18. Current worry: Whether or not I can talk husband into going to the store to get me cigarettes

19. Current hate right now? That husband said No, he wasn't going to the store tonight!Jackass

20. Favorite place to be? On a fishing boat in the ocean with beer, bait and husband

21. Where would you like to go? To the bathroom, I so had to pee when I started this!

22. Name three people who will complete this? Me, myself and I (we're a great group)

23. Color of polish on toenails? RED!

24. What shirt are you wearing? Cream with beige swirly flowers. Makes me look skinny

25. What year would you go back in time to? 1957, I'd like to see what my mom was bitching about when she said she had a "hard labor" with me.

26. Can you whistle? Only when my partials aren't in right and they slip when I'm talking

27. Favorite color? RED

28. Would you be a pirate? Oh hell yeah...as long as Johnny Depp was the Captain...

29. Favorite girl's name? Katie Keenan

30. Favorite boy's name? Boone

31. What store would you like to have a no limit shopping spree in? LOWES!!!!! LOWES!!!
32. What's in your pocket right now? A paper clip...Oh shit! Now the nazi's gonna get me for stealing!

33. Last thing that made you laugh? G-son

34. Best Halloween costume? I dress as a witch or Pippi Longstocking

35. Worst injury you've ever had? Ruptured disc! Told husband to get rid of that basket over the bed! Jackass

36. Favorite thing to do on Saturdays? Sex

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4

38. Who is your loudest friend? Me (I have quiet low-key friends! Yes, I really do. They are called "nice people"

39. How many dogs do you have? 2 but don't let them know. They think they are children
40. Does someone have a crush on you? My cat Styx he loooovvvvveeeeesssss me

41. What is your favorite book(s)? Murder, mayhem

42. What is your favorite candy? Good-n-Plenty...Choo Charlie say "love my good n plenty, choo-choo Charlie says really rings my bell"

43. Favorite Sports Team? Whoever is "running from the bulls"

44. Your favorite meal? Ribs! BBQ ribs, Ribs-n-Sauerkraut

45. What were you doing 12 Am last night? Peeing...dammit now I really have to go!!!

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up ? Where is husband with my coffee?

And in closing...please feel free to just say "oh, shit, not more of this crap" and read another post. LOL

This is MY FRIDAY

2008-05-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

THIS is my FRIDAY, at 1p today I will officially start my Memorial Day weekend!

Catch-up:

On Monday I told my 2 favorite bosses that I was looking for another job because of the bi-polar nazi. They were very upset but acknowledged that there was nothing they could do and they totally agreed with me on everything. They wished she would go instead but said that wouldn't happen either.

It is really sad because of her "connection" to the owners personal and business affairs the sons hands are tied. They also acknowledged that her knowledge of their financial information is not something they are happy about either.

So in honor of this being my FRIDAY and the bi-polar nazi that is in my office here is a special link:

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

Cheer Banquet, THE DRESS and T-ball

2008-05-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

I won't do a whole post on this since I know Kheatherg wants to do one. Again G-mom will defer for the sake of her child. But, here are some pics and of course the DRESS.
Frankly, now that I see it in the pictures I'm not as fond of it as I thought. I think it makes me look heavier than I am. Husband and daughter say No. Guess I'll always have that "fat girl" in my head. Anyway here goes. BTW G-D#1 got 2 awards, Most improved and Cheerleading. BOTH coaches started out with..."This girl always has a smile on her face and she talks and talks and talks". Guess if you know her mom and I THAT'S not surprising!

G-D#1 with her awards

Us, again. Here is the whole dress. I'm just not a dress person. LOL

Here G-son on his final T-ball game for the season. He was soooo proud.

Friday Quickie....aren't they the best kind?

2008-05-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

Quickie #1:

I bought a dress! Yep, a real, no skort, must wear a slip & heels dress.
For those that don't know me, I don't like dresses. Didn't like to wear them when I was fat, designers think Chunky people should wear FLOWERS,CHECKS and MULTI-COLORED STRIPES. I lose a little weight, now designers think 50yo women should wear something designed for the 25-35 group. I just didn't have the time to deal with all the bullshit, slap on shorts and a t-shirt and I'm outta here.

Husband loves me in a dress, why I have no idea. In my heart of hearts I would like to think because it allows easy access like his baggy shorts but, its probably because he likes to see me dressed up once in a while.

G-d#1 has her Cheer banquet tonight and I need to wear a dress, semi-dressy. Saturday is a "business casual", whatever that means because I wear shorts, Capri's and jeans to my business cause its casual, Mystery Dinner Theatre thing we are going to with a group of friends. Same dress two days*. *I will wash, jeez you guys. I will post a picture or two.

Quickie #2:
Well it looks like 5 weeks later I might get an interview from the resume I sent out. LOL Sometime next week after Tuesday.

Quickie #3:
The camping Nazi (aka daughter) finally e-mailed our list of food to bring. Not as rigid or demanding as last years Memorial day...is she changing?

That's all folks, have a great weekend and I'll post soon with dress pics. Whhhoooo!

Oops one more point of interest. One of the guys I work with lost his father this week. He passed in his sleep. I felt sorry for this guy, after all it was his dad. I read the obits and saw the name. The man was a 100yo and had 18 children! I bought my friend a card. we discussed his dad and he was very proud that he had lived so long and had such a full life. He was fairly healthy and passed peacefully.

SMR

2008-05-13T15:53:00.000-07:00

Does your husband have:
S - elective
M - emory
R - elapse

or SMR? Mine does....alot lately.

Previously at the house of grammice: 1 week ago

Going camping Memorial day weekend. My folks, daughter and her family and us, an annual looked forward to event.
My folks were going to stay an extra day and leave their camper at daughters house then on Tuesday the husband & I would take off from work and hang out with my folks. They wanted to go to Costco and a few other places while they were in the area.

I told this to husband and he agreed to take off Tuesday. I also put in for the day off.

Saturday:
Speak to folks. They aren't staying the extra day as planned. They are leaving the following weekend for another camping trip so they felt like going home and re-grouping might be better. Told husband as soon as I hung up the phone. We discussed (sitting directly across from each other and looking at each other, no miscommunication excuse) and decided to take the day off anyway. (I finally have 2 weeks vacation & he has 3)

Fast forward to today..approximately 10:20am:
Call husband at work
Me: Did you remember to mark the calendar so everyone would know you won't be back till Wednesday after Memorial day?

SMR Husband: Why? What are we doing that Tuesday?

Me: (silently hoping he was joking) Remember? Mom & dad were gonna stay but decided not to we talked about it Saturday after I hung up the phone and you said that was fine.

SMR Husband: No, what are we doing? (This man definitely has a death wish)

Me: Saturday, remember on the back porch? I don't know that we will DO anything right now but we might change our minds.

SMR Husband: I'll see, I don't know who will be here (work)

Me: Whatever, don't worry about it I gotta go.

SMR Husband: Wait, hows your day going?

Me: fine, I gotta go

UNBELIEVABLE!!! I know I've been a little stressed lately with the shorter hours and money etc. but I'm not deaf, dumb or stupid. I KNOW when I talk to people and when I don't. I may not remember your name BUT, I usually remember the conversation.
He came home just as friendly as always, not a clue. Its times like this that I would like to smack him with a frying pan just to see if he would remember that! I had an "aunt" that used to do that when her husband would come home drunked up, he could never figure out where that big 'ol knot came from. We always figured she'd kill him one day. Now I think maybe he had SMR and the only time she could get even was when he was drunked up!

Miracles really do exist...

2008-05-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box, bounces down the counter and you have 75 ft of foil to try and re-roll. Once you get it re-rolled its all crooked and never, ever comes out the same again.

Well thanks to the wonderful world of E-mail I got this from a friend of mine today.

"Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, "Press here to lock end". Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up."

Well, maybe at 50 simple things excited me more, who knows but...HOT DAMN! I immediately came home grabbed every roll-out item I have in my cabinet and WoooHoooo Its true! They ALL have the little push in tabs. I set down my purse and proceeded to push in all those little tabs on all those rolls. Parchment paper, saran wrap, aluminum foil, wax paper!!! OMG Miracle of miracles.
I then ran back to our den and thought "I must share, this small miracle with everyone."

Go now and PUSH THOSE TABS PEOPLE!!!

Bits and Pieces

2008-05-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

OOO Its' finally Mother's Day! I hope everyone has a wonderful day. We deserve it!

Going to the grocery to buy ingredients for three Drunk potato casseroles and a banana split pie, Ambitious

Spending and hour and half shopping because the store is packed, Nerve wracking

Realizing you forgot your wallet and have no money to pay for groceries.... Du-huh!

Husband wash, dried and folded all the laundry, made dinner last night, did the the dishes and let me sleep-in till 7a!

On another note, I got a bike for Mother's Day to use when we go camping and such. I'm so excited! Took a spin yesterday and had the time of my life. Now all I need is a few cards and clothes pins to put on my spokes so I can make that really cool "motorcycle" noise.
Happy Mother's Day toooo meeeeeee

Chocolate and water?

2008-05-09T04:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night I went for pizza and beer with my neighbor. We were gone about an hour. Husband was finishing his golf game (since its light til almost 9 now) so he wasn't home either.
We bought new phones and I never changed the factory set voice on the answering machine..just lazy. Well while were gone we had 3 hang up calls and one voice mail..if you could call it that.

VM#1-3 - Loud racket, background noise, hang up.

VM#4 - "Mommy, that damn man is answering g-moms phone again!" The phone slams down.

Call daughter, "did you call?"

"No, 5 did."

"Whats the matter?"

"You bought him chocolate for his milk and I ran out of milk so he wanted to mix the chocolate with water and I wouldn't let him. He decided to call you because you would let him but every time he called your machine picked up and it pissed him off because some "damn man" was answering your phone."

"Oh, sorry, does he still need me?"

"No, he's over it now."

I told husband about it, after we got tickled with the "damn man" thing he said
"G-mom, that's just nasty you wouldn't have let him do it."

"Why not?"

"Because its nasty, it would make him sick."

"No, it wouldn't and every kid has to try the chocolate/water thing growing up, its a right of passage to try new stuff that turns out nasty."

"Your weird, and no, I didn't do that."

"Well I did and its nasty, that's why you don't like to try new things, you never did "cool stuff" growing up."

"No, that just means I have more sense than you do."

"No, that just means YOUR chicken shit and I'm not!"

Annoying your sister 101

2008-05-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Will you stop smackin' your nasty elephant lips in my ear!"

G-daughter #2 - 12yo and g-son - 5yo have a mission. While not being acknowledged when caught, their mission as I understand it is to make their 13yo old sisters', life a living hell with obnoxious noises, touching her stuff, standing/being or looking like they know her and the worst thing...."dressing worse than a homeless person".

OBNOXIOUS NOISES......
G-daughter #1 is totally fed-up with the "nasty, grass-muncher" that is sitting in the backseat of my truck trying to suck a Wendy's Frosty thru a straw (on purpose I'm sure). The culprit? Her 12yo sister egged on by her 5yo brother who is taking the Wendy's spoon, still in plastic and holding it up to his sisters ear and crinkling the plastic, then promptly turns to g-daughter #2 and says "Quit doin' that with your lips open", then laughs when I tell them to stop and "leave your sister alone"!
G-son starts smackin his lips together and makes farting noises with his lips or cheek (somewhere on his body) and says GD#1, GD#2 is making those noises again". And we continue the LOOOONNNNGGGGG drive to drop off the two "nasty grass munchers" before taking #1 to school where she will be blissfully embraced by others of her kind.

DRESSING WORSE THAN A HOMELESS PERSON....
Example #1
As noted first hand when I took all three of them to the dentist today. GD#1 is walking ahead of us by 15-20' (making sure we don't look like we all rode together) when she suddenly turns on her heel faces GD#2 and says,
"Why do you dress like a nerd with me", then starts tugging at her shirt, twisting and turning her jeans I thought for sure she was going to shake her out like you do when you put a pillow in a pillowcase! Turns to me and says,
"See g-mom THIS is what I'm talking about"! Then promptly turns her loose and says "there now you can go in." GD#2 turns to me and says "G-mom isn't this what I looked like before?" "I think so honey, but she likes you now." And we continued into the dentist.

Example #2
Evidently after your 1st braces check-up you get a SMILE shirt from the dentist. Black with SMILE in big colorful letters. Daughter is paying for this and g-sons Treasure Box visit in her monthly "mouth mortgage" payment. Well, #1 wore her shirt and #2 GOT her shirt. She was very excited. Then she did the "thing". She put it ON!!! She just stood there and pulled it on over her other shirt and SMILED!
OMG! NOOOOOOO #1 looks at her, eyes wide and says "#2 What are you doing? You look stupid, TAKE IT OFF! God, see what I have to put up with"? #2 Looks at her, then takes it off. #1 then tells me how her "efforts" to teach her how to dress are wasted because she does "stuff like that in public". I'm confused because #1 had HER shirt on over her shirt when she went in. I did mention that...#2 said "yeah #1, you had yours on like that". Poor thing she was clinging to something I said trying to defend her "faux paux". When #1 just turns and looks at us like we have lost our minds to even question her style and says "But, I look cool and she looks stupid".
OK, NOW I get it. Stupid me.

LOOKING LIKE WE KNOW HER......
As we are sitting down #2 decides to sit NEXT to her sister. #1 could not roll her eyes any further around. "G-mom,WHY does she have to sit THERE?" "Why? What's wrong with there?". "She needs to sit outside." "#1, leave your sister alone, shes' fine where she is, shes not touching or looking at you, granted she probably is breathing a tad bit more of your air than you usually allow, but its all good."
More eye rolling, scooching over to the far armrest. I'm glancing up thinking "why doesn't SHE move if its so awful?" What the hell do I know?

TOUCHING HER STUFF.....This one is mostly g-son.
He adores "touching her stuff" every single last bit! He will go through her room touch something, she will yell at him, go after him and he will scream with joy while running from her and touching every single item he can reach on the way out the door!
He jumps on her made bed, puts his "gnarly bug-head" on her pillow, opens her jewelry box, investigates her Cheer bag, note books and back pack!
He will put his finger on her plate, he will touch her food, drink out of her cup (without permission) and steal food off her plate.
He butts in when shes trying to get dressed, he makes fun of her hair or clothes and calls her names. She threatens to give him away, punch him out or send him to live with whatever boogerman she can think of.
They love each other.

I keep telling #1 that someday she will sit around with the "grass-muncher" and "gnarly bug-head" and laugh about all this stuff, because they are brother and sisters and they really love each other.
She slowly turns, looks and squints her eyes at me and says "In the same room? The way they dress? UH-Huh, I don't want anyone to know I know them"!

Post Hump day

2008-04-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Tickets to see Elton John in concert - $200 (free,really)

Pedicure and hair appointment - $75.00 (Not that he would like me anyway)

Drinking waaaaaay toooo much and staying up till midnight and forgetting to put your partials(teeth)in before you go to work at 6am - PRICELESS

Totally awesome night and a special Thank you to "the" boss who said I could go too!

I'm NOT lazy...

2008-04-21T05:35:00.000-07:00

I've sent a resume out on another, job a week ago. I'm (hopefully) gonna get an interview this week, so the rumor mill has said. Its' 2 miles from my house pretty much doing the same thing BUT no bi-polar and a 1 person office.
I am totally stressin' the last couple weeks. Think I might be starting men-O-pause!!! LOL Some stupid things that have happened:

Bi-polar got a new locking mailbox for the office....wouldn't give me the key. LOL I guess I can't be trusted.

My hours have been cut, I think I did a post already on that one.

Seems like I'm losing my memory, see above, e.g. made a cake the other day forgot eggs. Took them out of fridge. Duh-huh

Dancing at a show got singing the song (Good Ol Rockin Roll) forgot to dance. Duh-huh#2

I DO have cataracts but they are still small enough not to worry about but, they are there due to growing up on the beach and never wearing sunglasses or sunscreen back in the day. WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES!!!

Husband said I have been on the "verge of mean" lately.

I haven't posted a damn thing. I've sat in front of my keypad thinking "No, that sounds too bitchy", "No, that's stupid". So frankly you guys will be getting the best of both worlds in this post.

Worked in the yard Sunday, weeded, transplanted, raked and hedge trimmered...today is Monday and I'm walking like a "Saturday night whore after a political convention". No offense.

That's' all guys...As soon as I hear something on the job front you guys will be the first to know after husband, daughter, mom and dad, my friend E.....

Daughter, I'm bored and other things when your home alone

2008-04-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

They cut my hours at work. 7a to 1p. Bi-polar has convinced the bosses wife I do nothing during the day but play on the computer.
Getting off at my normal 3 wasn't so bad, I usually had a couple hours of wind-down time, then everybody was home. Well, at 1p NOBODY is home, I'm home alone. I have been doing this for two days and daughter has already started threatening me.
Day 1:
"Hi, honey, its' me, mom, whatcha doin?"
"I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, I'm bored."
"Ma, you need to find something to do, I'm busy".
Day 2:
"Hi, whatcha doin?"
"Hi, Ma, I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, watching TV, I finished my chores."
"Ma, I'm busy."
"Well, pass the phone to someone whos not busy."
(laughing) "No, Ma, you need to find something to do, call E. You can't keep calling me, I'm busy."
Doesn't sound like she loves me.

Called husband:
"Want to come home for wild sex"?
"No honey, I'm working".
"You're the boss leave early".
"No, honey, find something to do."
"I did, but you ruined it".
"Bye, honey, I love you." click

I make the coffe, empty the dishwasher, make a vodka and grapefruit and read the paper. Damn that was 20 minutes.

Now, I'm bugging you guys.

I could make prank calls but with all the technology somebody would call me back and they would be serious about putting Prince Albert in a can.

OO I thought, clean out your closet, get rid of your fat clothes, clean off the shelves, throw out that prom dress from daughters high school that has been sitting in the dryclean pile since 1988.

Sew a button on husbands shirt/shorts.

The problem is thats all WORK! It looks like work, smells like work and most definitely will feel like work while doing it. NOPE, not gonna do that, I got off WORK at 1p.

I could drive around and VISIT daughter at work, but diesel is $4 a gallon, plus she probably would kill me. I would like sit at her desk and say things like
"Can I help you"?
"How come your doing it that way, its easier if you do it this way".
"Whats in here (as I slowly open what happens to be her bosses office door).
"Where is everybody? Wanna call them"?
"Ewwwww, whats this green stuff in the fridge? Who cleans this thing out? Want me to do it"? (hopeful gleam in my eye)

I could catch up on my e-mail. Delete, delete, delete glad thats done.

Everyone I know works alllllll day. I'm bored home alone!!!!!

Watched a little TV. Good God, has anyone seen "Maury" Lately? Wasn't that girl on last year testing guy number 34 to find her baby daddy? She was SO positive this old guy was the daddy. That poor child looks like every man she has slept with! "See he got his nose". Please don't make me go there...

How about "Make me a super model"? Jiminy shit I didn't even know the good looking guy was gay and he was dating someone that wasn't gonna make the "super model" cut!
Well, actually in the finale I think he confessed he wasn't really "all that interested in maintaining the relationship". Uh-Oh User!

"Housewives of New York City"? What the HELL is wrong with super rich people? Husband doesn't let wife out of sight. They spent 3 years on a waiting list for PRE-K!!! They finally met someone that could help "network" them into an "A-list" school. Go buy some designer clothes and give my bored ass a break!

"Monk"! I love that man! But after I watched a marathon this weekend I started counting tiles in Publix, sorting my groceries in the basket..oh wait I already do that. I took notes when he was meeting with his therapist.

Husband just got home...took one look at me an the hopeful look on my face and said "No, I'm getting a beer first"!
He did hand me a statistic that I thought you guys might enjoy.

"A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study has found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon".

I'm still bored, but I'm not home alone and if my timings right he just might be finished with that beer!

WTF Friday

2008-04-04T05:41:00.000-07:00

I could say its been a helluva week...but we all knew with everyone gone bi-polar would be on her "best" behavior. Currently up to 2 vodka & grapefruit after work this week. LOL
So like this week hasn't been a hoot already with her various "rants and raves" I open up my news website today and THIS is what I get slapped with!

Oprah Winfrey
By Michael Conlon, Reuters
4 hours ago
CHICAGO —
A transgender man who is six months pregnant said in an interview aired by Oprah Winfrey on Thursday that he always wanted to have a child and considers it a miracle.

"It's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human desire," a thinly bearded Thomas Beatie said. "I have a very stable male identity," he added, saying that pregnancy neither defines him nor makes him feel feminine.

Beatie, 34, who lives in Oregon, was born a woman but decided to become a man 10 years ago. He began taking testosterone treatments and had breast surgery to remove glands and flatten his chest.

"I opted not to do anything with my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day," he told the talk show host. Beatie's wife Nancy said she inseminated him with a syringe using sperm purchased from a bank.

Now, he said, his size 32 jeans are getting a bit tight and his shirts are a bit stretched.

Nancy, to whom he has been married for five years and who has two grown daughters by a previous marriage, also appeared on the show, saying the couple's roles will not change once the baby is born.

"He's going to be the father and I'm going to be the mother," she said. Their marriage is legal and he is recognized under state law as a man.

The couple was shown on video provided by People Magazine, which collaborated with Winfrey on the show, showing the room that will be the baby's nursery. Beatie said the little girl was going to be "daddy's little princess."

The couple was also filmed in their hometown of Bend, Oregon, where he underwent an ultrasound showing the baby in his womb.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe she's inside me," Beatie said while watching the ultrasound image. "We see her as our little miracle."

His obstetrician, Dr. Kimberly James, who practices in the Oregon town, told Winfrey, "This is a normal pregnancy."

She said Beatie stopped taking testosterone two years ago and his levels of the hormone are normal.

"This baby is totally healthy," she said. "This is what I consider a normal pregnancy."

OK, I shortened the article for posting BUT, a couple of key points here just made me do another Friday WTF!!!!

"This is a normal pregnancy."
"I have a very stable male identity"

First, define "normal"?
Will we now hear women ask men "OOOO whens your baby due"?

Will we have men's' maternity wear? You know for the business man that has to look professional even with swollen ankles?

Who gets the breast pump at the baby shower? Do you invite only men to the baby shower? What kind of shower games do you play? Pin the tail on the quarterback? WHAT IS proper baby shower etiquette?

WHY didn't the wife get pregnant? Yes, she could be unable to after already having two grown children....but WHY would she want her husband to experience childbirth?
That changes the whole "Until you can squeeze a watermelon out of your ass" argument.

Frankly regardless of "his" innards if you want to be a MAN be a MAN! Men who want children usually let their wives handle the "burp and squat". Matter of fact I can't think of one man I know who is willing to take on the whole pregnancy/childbirth experience.

How does/will society treat this? I mean true Oprah does carry some weight on a lot of topics but how far can she actually carry this man-preggers thing?

At 50yo when I was in the 3rd grade the kinda thing the "future" held was flying cars, totally cool "Flash Gordon" clothes and life was pretty much "The Jetsons".
NO WHERE did "men" get pregnant, There were no pregnant men walking around. Now I know he isn't really a "he" physically BUT he looks like a "he" now and I'm not sure how I feel about seeing a mans body preggers.

We are a nation of "prudes" in a whole lot of ways. Abortion, gay rights, racism, cloning etc. etc. What about this child as she grows up? Will her parents be honest about her conception and birth? I can hear the first "Mommy where did I come from"? conversation. "Well, honey you were in daddy's' tummy and..."

Will she be ostracized because her daddy gave birth to her? Well there be more of these birth experiences and this will not be abnormal or should I say out of the ordinary?

Who knows in the meantime I wonder if hes' going to have an "eppie" or natural childbirth? Will he go to Lamaze classes? That in its self would make an interesting post..don'tcha' think?

Friday quickies

2008-03-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Weatherchazer has a post up. Go by and say Hi.

Here's' a new recipe for fruit dip. I had to trade a home made blueberry pie for it and I think I ended up with the better end of the deal.
1 Jar Marshmallow Fluff
1 pkg. Philadelphia Cream Cheese (I use 1/3 fat)
Surround with fruit.

I will be dancing at a Springtime show tonight.

Its PAYDAY!!!!!

I lost the 5lbs I gained.

Nobody has gotten ugly about my last post. (Of course I've only had 1 comment LOL)

Spring has finally come to the south, dogwoods bloom everywhere and my truck is yellow!

My husband is going to make his world famous ribs on the grill Saturday nite and my friend & her husband are coming to dinner.

I'm playing golf Sunday morning. Now aren't you guys impressed?

Hmmmm what else? Oh Costco will be opening soon. I'm hoping that will work out better than Sam's.

Went to g-sons T-ball game Tuesday nite. God those kids are cute. Punching their fists in their glove while waiting for the ball. My g-son turns his hat backwards and does the occasional spit while in the outfield. Daughter has pics I'm hoping she'll post soon. HINT! HINT!

Well, have a great weekend everyone. I don't know how much I will be able to post next week. Bipolar will be here with owners' wife and one of my bosses is going on vacation. So I will be pretty much at Bipolars' mercy, the bosses wife thinks her word is gospel and she has so much work to do. LOL

THIS is whats wrong with America!

2008-03-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

ASHLAND, Ky. (WSAZ) --
A mother says the straws she bought for her three-year-old daughter were shaped like a male sex organ. Andrea Bailey says she went shopping at the Ashland Wal-Mart on Thursday, February 28th, and bought a package of fun straws for her three 3-year-old daughter, Ashlynn.

Bailey says Ashlynn came in and used one shaped like a heart. A couple others in the package, though, were shaped like something different. "There are two of them that are shaped like the male private area," said Bailey.
"I called Wal-Mart and they very rude with me about it. They acted like I was lying, like I was making it all up. You know, I would never make something up like that, especially about my little girl. But, that's just how they treated me and it just not right," Bailey said.

A communications representative at Wal-Mart corporate headquarters e-mailed us a response:
"At Wal-Mart we take customer questions and concerns seriously," said the spokesperson in a statement. After being contacted on this matter, Wal-Mart pulled the product in question from our shelves and is investigating the claim. Of course, our customer is welcome to return the item for a refund, if they would like."

Wal-Mart informed us the straws came from a manufacturer called Eagle Marks Corporation. We could not obtain contact information for the company from our own search or Wal-Mart officials.

Andrea Bailey says her concern is not the $1.69 she paid for the straws, but what might happen to other families with kids a little older than Ashlynn.
We searched at three other Wal-Mart stores in three different states last week, and found no fun straws on any shelves.
A Wal-Mart corporate communications spokesperson told us the regional stores were aware of the flap, and Wal-Mart was reviewing the product.

(Please accept my apology, in advance, for offending a shitload of mothers that in real life I truly admire but on something like this I go blind with the WTF's)

Your child had no idea it was anything different than a fun straw. But you and your stepford friends have decided that this will be your 15 minutes of fame! You are saving the younger generation from perversion that is readily available on the shelves. You will be the "talk of the town". If you aren't already. Did you OOOO and AHHHHH over the state of the world while fondling these straws and passing them around? So that others may share your warped view?

You probably let your child sit for hours in front of the TV watching Barney, Sesame Street, Nickelodean and all that other "mentally-healthy" shit, Game boys and Ipods abound. You probably pick their friends for special playdates. It has never occurred to you NOT to completely run every aspect of your childs life, the best schools, the nicest clothes, being politically correct at all times and oh DON'T ever mention S-E-X! After all if you do discuss the "male private area" or "female private area" it could lead to an open and frank discussion that would lead to respect and enlightenment and MAYBE, just MAYBE, that generation won't have the high rate STD's, teenage pregnancy and lack of direction so many kids have now.

Please, please don't make something out of NOTHING!

Again, I apologize for going off on a tangent but, I get so very frustrated. Those who read my posts know I'm not a "hater" but sometimes things are just wrong. In my opinion (like assholes, everyone has one) this is so WTF!

OOOO it's so good.......

2008-03-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

Daughter sent this to me and I made them for Easter dinner "whores-da-ovaries". Hmmmmmm totally awesome. This website has some really good recipes. I've tried several. Thought everyone might like to try these, they are easy, quick to make and everyone will love you.

http://thepioneerwomancooks.com/2007/12/flashback_1981_-_holiday_bacon_appetizers.html

Couple of tips:
Use regular, not thick sliced bacon. WATCH oven time. I have a GE-dual fuel and they cooked in 1hr. 20m versus 2hrs. I used reduced fat Club crackers, reduced fat cheese (brand as shown). 1 sleeve of crackers = 1 lb of bacon cut in 1/2. They go fast so I suggest you make plenty.

OMG these babies are totally awesome. Make sure you serve fresh from oven.
I wanted to take pictures but they were eaten in about 2 min.!

It was suggested a good side for dipping might be in order but we couldn't agree. So if anyone has a suggestion please feel free to pony up with the recipe!

We call them "Bacon Slackers", when asked what they were called, I said "Bacon crackers" and the next thing I know "Bacon Slackers" was born.

Easter funny stuff.....

2008-03-18T04:35:00.000-07:00

The Glorious Easter Egg:

Husband: Did the dog shit in the house?
Me: No, why....OOOOOOO Munch did you fart?
Dog 1: Who me? Tail wagging, spreading the aroma, big brown eyes looking at you. Then gets totally embarrassed, hangs head and drops tail.
Husband: Come on buddy, you need to go out and get rid of that!
Few minutes later....
Me: You let Munch in?
Husband: No, ewwwwwww wheres Katie?
Me: Kate, you fart?
Dog 2: You bet! Jumps up wags tail and cracks audible one off! Yep I did, plenty more where that came from! She has no shame. Guess that's why she's my dog.
Me: OMG, did you hear that? OUT! Kate! Out NOW!!!!

Hide and go seek:

Last year while cleaning house (about 2 weeks after Easter) I found a plastic egg half buried in my potpourri basket on the coffee table. Awww, isn't that cute I thought, while picking up the egg. Hmmmm feels heavy, wonder whats in it? Open plastic egg! OMG, ACCCKKKK, shit, shit, ACCKKKK, OMG! OMG!
G-son,(found out later)had put a REAL hard boiled egg into a plastic egg and set it in basket with other glass eggs. It had "jellied" like a rotting corpse in its plastic shell. The smell! I ran outside to the trash can, dumped everything into a plastic bag, tied it off, poured bleach on the bag and moved the can to the neighbors house. LOL (not really).

Pre-In law Easter days:

When I met my husband the kids were young. Daughter 4, son 2. It was a shock to his very conservative family. He's a few years younger and I'm THE divorcee with 2 kids. Yeehaw. Anyway, we are invited to Easter dinner with the whole family. Husbands mother at the time was quite heavy and wore bright colored moo-moos. They asked that everyone come sit down at the table to say grace. I'm being very polite and boosting daughter into a chair and look over and son has OMG!! Lifted my pre-MIL's moo-moo and pops her butt and says "Sit down, dammit"!!! Wishing I could just melt into the floral wallpaper I grab son and in my best "good mommy" voice say "O no honey don't do that." We all then sat down and said grace and I silently prayed that my pre-husband would not dump me right after dinner.

Did you know....

Peanut butter eggs can go bad. You bet. Especially when they slide down the backseat of your truck and the temperature is averaging 90-100.
(Reason 101 why I hate Peanut butter!)

Food coloring does not wash off...especially when you drop the egg in the bowl and it splashes on your face like blue freckles.

Up to 5 pieces of Easter gum will fit in a 3 year olds mouth and then promptly be deposited on to the table with an equal amount of spit when told to "OMG spit all that out!"

HAPPY EASTER everyone and if you decide to comment instead of lurk dash me off a Easter funny!

Just a quickie

2008-03-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

Getting away for the weekend. If you have read Kheatherg lately you know she will be watching the house and the pets. ONE whole day and ONE whole night. I have had to agree to them doing pay per view, leaving $20 for pizza, buying bacon and eggs so she can take them HOME on Sunday to cook breakfast, bought lunch meat, bread and cereal because she was going to be there "around lunch time".
Need I remind everyone that while she was out of town I had her children. I picked them up from the house, ran to CHEER practice to drop off 1, fed the other 2, ran back out picked up 1 again, stopped and bought medicine for one of them, fed, breakfast, snack, snack, more snack, lunch and dinner and desert for 2 nights/2.5 days. Took G-son #1 to T-ball, g-daughters 1&2 to the mall for haircuts and earrings. All in All the weekend cost me about $200. Did SHE LEAVE me $20 for pizza oh, hell NO, I'm the G-mom I'm SUPPOSED to do that. LOL
Going on Vacation Now!

A mother knows these things..

2008-03-02T11:40:00.002-08:00

Since the Kheather lives within spittin' distance and we talk several times a day I pretty much know what, where and whom shes doing something with. Not so with the son. Granted he's 30yo, has a live in girlfriend, he lives in south Florida and can take care of himself but, he should still follow ET's lead and "phone home"!

We hadn't heard from him in over 2 weeks. I e-mailed, left voice mail last week then 2 this weekend. I tried to leave voice mail on her phone but her box was full. Now this is a girl who who speaks with her mom, who lives up north 4-5 times a day. Why the hell is her voice mail full?
After no call backs I'm picturing the worst but, not panicking.

Car in ditch that can't be seen from the road, their poor mangled bodies begging for their mommies and no one knows their there (for 2 weeks God bless 'em they are hanging on for us). They are victims of a home invasion and are duck taped to their chairs begging for their mommies and water and a pee break, (again for 2 weeks). Since he travels by airplane quite a bit there has been an awful plane crash, (that didn't make the news of course, for 2 weeks) and know one will tell me because they are worried I couldn't take it. He has been kidnapped and his girlfriend is desperately trying to get the money together to save him but she is afraid to tell anyone because of what the kidnappers said! (patient kidnappers, they have waited 2 weeks)
You know, a mother knows these things. I said something to husband, he will call his dad to ask or get an opinion since they both deal in financing.

"Have you heard from son"?
"No"
"Not at all for 2 weeks"!?
"No, honey that's what I said".
"Are you worried, have you tried to call him"?
"No and no I haven't tried to call him, why"?
"He could be hurt or dead".
"Somebody would have told us".
"Why"?
"Honey he will call, just leave him a message to call you that you're worried, he will call".
"Easy for you to say"! (T-totally PO'd that he is not seeing this as clearly as I am, a mother knows these things)

Call daughter
"You heard from your brother"?
"No, why"?
"I haven't either, I'm worried".
"So, just call him, I'm working in the yard I'll call you back".
(shes' going back to work in the yard!!!! That's her brother!!! OMG she's calling her dad to see if they should tell me the "bad news!)

10 minutes later the phone rings, my heart nearly jumps thru my chest...its' her, she talked to her dad and .....
"Ma, just call him and tell him to call by 5 or your having the sheriff's office do a well being check".
"No, that will upset him".
"I'm worried about you, just call him he will call you, bye ma".

He phoned home. He wasn't laying in a ditch crying out my name, not duct taped to a chair crying out my name, not in a plane crash and not kidnapped, just plain ass-hole to alligators busy trying to get ready to move and meet corporate deadlines. He laughed when I told him I was worried. "Come on mom, somebody would have called you if something happened, g-friend would be the first". Yeah I hear him...... a mother knows these things!

....And I didn't cry once!

2008-03-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

As everyone knows the last week has been a little busy and after Tuesday's post I really "just didn't feel like it". But, I'm back, its Saturday and the husband is working and I have BIRTHDAY CAKE pictures to post!

First let me say that I will probably never, ever make another castle cake again. Good God almighty. Both practice cakes did well but, as usual the real thing brought me to my knees. Let me state for the record I am NOT a professional. I am G-MOM and I love to bake my g-kids their birthday cakes. G-son just tested my patience and my creativity! Frankly, I was too damn nervous to even drink before I made this bad boy. To re-hash he wanted a castle on a moat with dinosaurs, cars, army men, ice cream and animals. As everyone knows you don't DARE leave anything out. Because no matter how sloppy or professional you will hear "G-mom, wheres the dinosaurs? I thought I said put dinosaurs on it". Which will cause you to have a murderous thought towards your sweet little shit of a grandson. But, I managed to put everything he asked for on the cake.

Cake making day went well, bi-polar didn't bother me so I wasn't pissed or stressin'. I came home mixed up the sheet cake, vanilla cream and the castle cake, chocolate fudge. I thought using one of those silicone forms would be easier, yeah OK maybe the first 2 times but not on the BIG ONE! I baked on Tuesday, froze until
Wednesday. Wednesday night I bring out the sheet cake cut in half long ways and layered vanilla and chocolate ice cream between the halfs. Set back in the freezer while I get my decorating implements out. Normally I use a butter knife to spread icing. It was good enough for my mother and her mother so why break a family tradition? This time I bought a Wilton Icing spreader...$5.95!!! I fell immediately in love. Smooth, even strokes. It was perfect. OOO I was so excited I ran to the garage and made the husband come watch how this thing worked. Needless to say I got the ever exciting comment of "Thats nice honey", and back he went to finish his beer. I sprayed my green and blue color for the moat, I drew my "walls" with a Wilton icing pen then sprayed them to look moldy. Back into the freezer. Pop out the castle. OMG one tower broke and fell off! Shit one is cracked too, DAMMIT its crooked as hell!!! OMG, OMG! Thats when the cussing started..loudly. "You stupid bitch, thats what you get for being so cocky about the moat, the cake Gods are gonna make you pay". Husband hears me and decided he might want to check on the level of violence going on in the kitchen. I have been known to pitch a whole dinner or dessert because I didn't think it looked, tasted or turned out right. Calmly, as only a banker can be he suggests that I squeeze the brown icing into the crack and around the bottom of the tower hold it with toothpicks and we will freeze it long enough to enable me decorate it. Thats after I cut the bottom and try to level it off. That was a cluster $%^K. Finally I decided it was sitting on a hill top on one side. I took Wilton Cookie icing and outlined every door, window and block. The day of the party I placed the castle on the sheet cake moat and added all the things the g-son wanted. I am proud to say that despite two meltdowns I didn't cry once! I'm surprised the words coming out of my mouth didn't melt everything but I didn't cry!
Everyone thought it looked great and tasted even better. G-son declared it "AWESOME" and his BFF said I was "COOL". So there you go.

Here is the birthday boy admiring his cake and enjoying his "Big Cheese of the night"
birthday drink.

For those that don't remember, I had enjoyed a relatively "Chucky Cheese" free grandma-hood up until the woman in this picture ruined it!!!! Daughters' BFF, one trip on a rainey teacher planning day a BAM! Thats where we are spending Valentines Day. Pizza, no beer, a singing mouse and the biggest brightest smile on the cutest 5 year old ever.

And at the end for a kid who would never, ever hug Yogi Bear when we went on vacation but swore every year that "this time I'll hug him, OK grandma"?
it was all worth it.

Today

2008-02-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

My friend passed away today. She was 86 and had Alzheimer's/Lewy Barrs disease. "The mom" was the mother of my friend that lives around the corner from me. E and I go to dance class together and she worked with my husband until her parents moved here. Her father passed away shortly after moving here and E took over care of "the mom" which meant leaving her job and being a full time watcher. The mom was a feisty woman who only knew me as the girl who would "walk from Connecticut" to come visit. Over the last year plus I would go down to visit a couple of times a week, plus dinner out with E and her mom. E would tell me, "my mom just loves you, you live in her world". When her mom spent a day thinking she was a vampire/werewolf and was afraid to go anywhere because she might "hurt someone" I told E to get a cross and garlic give them to her mom and tell her it would "protect her" from the change so E could at least get to the grocery. When she thought she had to catch a plane to fly home I told her, "the flight had been cancelled and she would be leaving when the weather cleared". She had kept E up most of the week getting up and getting dressed to leave for the airport. I wasn't being ugly or mean I was living in her world and it helped E just a little bit. How many times can you answer the same question every day repeatedly? E was wonderful with her mom. Her quality of life was awesome. She was never left out because she was "feeble minded". She wasn't, she had just lost a day, every day. The mom and I discussed my life and hers every time we saw each other. That was OK, it was her world and she enjoyed what she could remember. She loved margaritas. Oh, she sure did! I would visit and we would have a toddie and discuss my day. I was there last Wednesday, we had margaritas and we visited. "The mom" even got after me because I was "making them too slow and she was thirsty". I really truly grew to love this woman who never remembered me. I told E several times "I wish I had known your mom when she had her memories". E would tell me, she would have loved you but, my dad would have really loved you. I couldn't see that but, it made me feel good none the less. E has been through what no one should go through. Can you imagine your mom not knowing you? Or waking up 8-10 times a night for weeks on end because she has to use the bathroom and her arthritis is so bad she can't get out of bed? How about taking the knobs off your stove and putting kiddie locks, guards on everything in your house because your mom may burn the house down or leave in the middle of the night. E was lucky in a way, her moms arthritis didn't get bad until the last few weeks, she was also having more moments of clarity over several days. The mom hadn't gotten to the point that we all dreaded...assisted living or a nursing home. It was out there waiting to pop its ugly head out but for E's sanity it hadn't gotten that far.

The mom passed away today. She got a bowel obstruction and within 12 hours she passed away from the infection. She had a living will and when surgery was ruled out because of the infection and her other organs were now reacting to the infection it was decided to let her pass as peacefully and painlessly as possible. The way she wanted. When they removed her last IV drip she stopped breathing, her heart kept beating. E left with her girls and her husband stayed till she was pronounced. I stayed with him. E needed to be with her girls and they needed to be together. K (her husband) and I went back to her room. Her heart was still beating 70 beats right on the screen. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and said "mom, its me crazy grammice, its OK to go to the light, your husband, sister and son are waiting, its' beautiful and you will be so happy, be safe, I love you and thank you for so much". I gave her a hug and her heart stopped. Just like that.

I'm sad for the loss of my friend, I'm sad because her daughter E has watched her brother and her parents pass away and she has "lost her family", I'm sad because in her own way the mom thought I was neat and she could do and say whatever crossed her mind and I accepted her and she taught me too. I'm sad because I lost a friend.

The PLAN .....

2008-02-15T05:53:00.000-08:00

Bi-polar has decided to seek employment elsewhere. She went to a job interview.

THE PLAN
She went to the owner & wife several months ago after their son the VP told her to lose the attitude or she would be gone and told them she was "sick of me and they needed to do something". Evidently, they were so "impressed" they never said a word to me and I still have my job.

She has decided that since they didn't do anything, she will have to resort to more severe tactics. She has known them for about 15 years if she "threatens" them with her leaving they will cave because she (in her own mind) is indespensible to the company, they will fire me and she will get what she wants.

I did the happy dance ALL DAY! Basically, if she does get another job I won't have to deal with or if they fire me its unemployment and I won't have to deal with her!!!!
This ruse usually doesn't work, but hey everyone send Good MOJO my way. I like my job and would like to be the "new" office manager. LOL

PS Has anyone else notice that some of the stuff on the "tool bar" aren't working or is it just me?

Took Sunshines Test the results are in....

2008-02-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Low

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

I am indeedy

One house back ......

2008-02-11T07:31:00.000-08:00

How do you describe your neighbors that you don't know? For example we have the "professors", the "blind people", the "gardeners", the "retirees", etc. you get my drift. Anyway, last Saturday an ambulance and a fire truck came down our street lites, sirens the whole works, about a mile past our house they stopped. On Sunday the husband and I are going to breakfast and as we drive past the house I say "thats where the ambulance and fire truck were I wonder what happened"?

He says: Which house?

Me: One house back from the "Stop" house. (the people in the "stop" house live at the corner with the stop sign and put up crazy signs during the Holidays etc. reminding people to STOP.)

Husband: The "Tin roof" house?

Me: No, other side of "tin roof" house! I told you, one house back from "stop" house.

Husband: Thats two houses, The "stop" house is 1, "tin roof" 2 then "ambulance" house, which is actually the 3rd house from the corner.

Me: No its not. You are standing in the yard of the "stop" house, you look back, there is 1 whole house THEN the ambulance house. One house back, which is what I said!

Husband: This is a waste of time, your wrong, what kind of math are you using? 1, 2, 3how much easier can it be? No wonder you have trouble giving directions.

Me: Evidently not banker-math, no wonder people bitch about being over charged. Oh,and the only reason I have problems with directions is because I never can remember which way N,S,E,W is, NOT because I don't know where I'm going. PLUS, when I give people directions to our house I tell them we are "One house back" from the corner, funny how they manage to find our house.
Then I said: I'm putting this in a post and we will find out if "one house back" is correct.

We really don't fight about anything anymore, but he says I exasperate him. So you tell me, is it 3 houses or 1 house back? See diagram below

XX XX XX
"Stop" house "Tin roof" house "Ambulance" House
Sits on corner

Valentines day dinner and birthday cake hell(p)

2008-02-09T06:51:00.000-08:00

G-son is turning 5 and after 3 g-kids I had managed to stay out of Chucky Cheese and didn't have to watch Barney. I felt very blessed. THEN daughters BFF took all my g-kids to Chucky Cheese on a teacher planning day. Damn her! When daughter asked him where he wanted his party it took him approximately one second to spew the words "CHUCKY CHEESE".
Due to busy weekends the party will be held on Valentines Day at Chucky Cheese.

Call to husband: "Hey your taking me to dinner on Valentines day."
Husband: "Oh, I am and where am I taking you"?
Me: With uncontrolled glee I yell "CHUCKY CHEESE"!
Husband: "What"?
Me: "You heard me"
The rest of the dialogue consisted of me explaining why.

I am also the official Ice cream birthday cake maker for all the g-kids birthdays. I enjoy it and its relatively easy thanks to Betty Crocker bake n fill pans. I've managed to decorate according to each childs wishes. But, g-son has thrown me for a small loop. Not only are we "partying" at Chucky Cheese, he wants a chocolate castle cake with cookies and cream ice cream in it, he also wants it sitting on a moat. He wants dragons and alligators and army guys and race cars on his cake. This is where you guys come in. Yeah, I'm gonna spread the love.

I bought a castle cake pan, here is my plan:
1)
Make choc. cake, make white sheet cake to hold castle and moat. I plan to firm freeze both cakes. One, to make the castle easier to decorate as it has many windows/doors and a rock wall. By making chocolate I think it will be easier to pipe around the window and door details with white icing and then use choc. icing to detail rocks. I will not put icing on the cake other than details. Is that a good thing?

2)
The moat cake, this is where I'm really boogered. After firm freezing I'm going to slice in 1/2 long ways and slice ice cream to lay between the layers. Then put back in freezer? Or should I continue to decorate (other than ornamentals)?

I thought I would buy white icing, fluff in mixer to add more air and thin down, spread on moat cake. Should I attempt to try and color the frosting with food coloring to make the "water" kinda brackish? Or should I use brown and green "dust" like stuff and feather over it like air brushing to get the "water" look?

Am I over thinking this? Am I crazy as shit trying to do this? He is very excited and has called to make sure I'm "making" his cake and each time he adds something to the mix. Are there short cuts I'm not aware of other than Publix Bakery?

I mean not only are we having Valentines day dinner at Chucky Cheese, which the husband gleefully tells everyone, BUT a castle cake on a moat, thats no Betty Crocker bake n fill I can tell you!

Please hear my call and send advice, ideas, prayers, money.....(just thought I'd throw in money)

Dammit, Dammit, Double Dammit

2008-02-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

Made a bet with Husband, I get Sex when he wants if Giants win Super Bowl, Sex whenever I want if Patriots win Superbowl. The way I figure it either way I win, (i'm always asking for sex) right?

2 mins. down Patriots are just stuffing the Giants Q-back. HA! HA! I've won nahhhh nahhh. Laying in bed (only because i'm a 9er & watched end of game)....HA!HA! Gloat gloat "do you want to pay up now or later"?
All I get is "Games not over".
Me: "Miswell be what can you do in 1:40. NOTHING, thats why they haven't won a Superbowl since '92".
Husband: Just raises eyebrow
Me: "Think I'll just doze off, you can wake me to pay up"
Husband: Not one word
Giants have the ball, they're running, they're throwing.....WHAT! Son of a BITCH!!!! Dammit, Dammit! Wellllll SHIT!
Husband: "Goodnight honey"
Me: "Wait what about our bet,(fluttery eyes) want me to pay up"?
Husband: Looks over smiles......"Nope", I'm tired, I really don't want to take advantage of a loser."

Dammit!!!

Help Wanted:

2008-01-31T06:57:00.001-08:00

Anyone can attain this position, Not everyone can do it.

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop, etc.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

The world is safe from evil.....

2008-01-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

It was a dark and stormy night....Nah! It was a freakin damn cold and rainy Saturday when our heroes arrived. First #1 then a short time later #2. Promises of goodies and movies at the home of their one and only confidant, a time when they could rest and be themselves, with the one person who knew their true identities. G-MOM!

Keeping their identies under cover they head to the grocery store. They needed supplies, Lunchables to keep them fit and ready for anything, Strawberry milk to keep their teeth pearly white for the cameras, Fruit roll-ups for quick energy on a moments notice. Yes, these were the foods of our Super Heroes. All went well on the shopping trip until well.....Our heroes decided to sit in the cart while G-mom loaded what few items she had bought for herself and her trusty assistant G-Pop. Then came a moment when #2 came close to being "severly" injured
by a simple mistake by G-mom! While loading a very large bunch of bananas G-mom placed them in the lap of #2.. not realizing the weight that would bear down on his precious organs...the horrors.

"Jeezs G-mom your smashing my balls" shouted #2 while #1 looked on in horror! Quickly I grab the bananas and remove them from his lap, #1 looks at me and states "Don't give 'em to me your not smashing my balls"! While others looked on with gaping mouths our heroes continued to discuss the near tragedy and how close #2 came to being maimed for life by a large bunch of bananas. Mean while G-mom, trying to maintain what little dignity she had holds her head proud and heads to the check out! (silently chuckling to herself, "where in the hell did THAT come from"!)

Home, safety, no looky-loos there, the training begins: Making sure their equipment is in working order

Making sure at a moments notice they are ready for anything:

With evening swiftly approaching our heroes decide that nourshment is in order. "We need a snack" they declare as G-mom walks by with a load of laundry to fold.
"We need...POPCORN"! Our heroes are expecting something out of the microwave. OMG, G-mom must do something. Quickly she remembers the "Jiffy Pop" in the cabinet. Our heroes are dazzled and baffled. "You make it on the stove"? Looking at me like I have completely lost my mind. "Yes" I reply its amazing, just watch...

Still being unsure of this new device for making popcorn our heroes decide to trust G-mom one more time, despite the banana incident from earlier, the results were a resounding YES,YES!!!

Our heroes are exhausted from the days events and the close call from earlier, they decide to watch a training video, mostly to "get some new moves against the bad guys" as I was told. UNDER DOG!!!
As bedtime quickly approaches (thank God!) our heroes make sure that their sleeping quarters are safe and secure against any "bad Guys" that may lurk in the dark recesses of the sanctuary closet.

With the world safe again our Super Heroes can "sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite".

Authors note:
G-son #1 and his BFF spent the night last Saturday. I was Power Rangered and "bad guyed" to death! Sunday around noon they went home and G-mom promptly made herself a vodka and grapefruit, sat in her chair and watched the Sci-Fi channel until I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. The banana story is quite true. You can never trust what will come out of the mouths of 4 year olds at any given time or place. I totally love having the boys here and enjoy every new move, new weapon and conversation we have. The best part is listening to THEIR conversations while they play in their own world. My little Super Heroes! Some day they're gonna hate me for this.....

Stay Tuned its coming......

2008-01-29T05:16:00.000-08:00

Its' coming....

Suspense, drama and a world on the edge of destruction. A world threatened by evil, greed and the lust for world domination...no matter the cost!
Our heroes, young full of life, ready for anything....

CAN THEY SURVIVE

STAY TUNED............

The Golf widow and the great fish tank uprising

2008-01-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

So, I take Martin Luther King day off from work because the husband said he was not going to play golf. Guess what its 48 degrees and he just left to play golf. Funny how that worked huh? Anyway, getting a little pouty, had this stupid idea we could go to a movie...Bahaha! Foolish woman! Then after he decides he is going to play to ease the guilt he says "we could go to an early lunch, then I could leave for golf and you could go to Bed Bath and Beyond (a housewares store with neat kitchen stuff)". No thank you...

I making venison stew for dinner tonight its cooking as we speak. Cooking relieves some of the tension for me. But, the whole time I'm thinking about this golf thing while I'm chunking carrots, potatoes, onion and celery. I have a very sharp weapon, uh knife in my hand and I'm thinking.....No, not a good idea, I have a bad back and jail cots just aren't comfortable.

Meanwhile, the phone rings. It's daughter. The kids are having kaniptions because there has been another murder in the Christmas fish tank. They say the 2 algae eater fish I gave them are killing the other fish in the tank. Especially one in particular. He is eating their tails they can't swim and die!!! "Call the girls" she yells into the phone and hangs up! I call the girls. G-daughter #1 is yelling into the phone about eating tails, g-daughter #2 is yelling at g-daughter #1 and g-son is just yelling so he's not left out. I repeatedly tell them to just hush and listen to me! PLEASE!!!!! Good God almighty! The kids are having a melt down, I have a weapon and I am seriously thinking about slitting my own wrists at this point. Meanwhile husband is a Jolly and thinks yelling g-kids is funny and g-mom will solve the problem. Asshole, he's going to play golf.

I then ask if anyone has SEEN the fish eating tails? Uh, no. Then WHY is he doing the slaughter? Well because he's NEW! Yeah, blame the new kid cause he's different. I had a 75 gallon tank with all kinds of fish never, ever a problem. I also ask IF when they bought fish for the new tank did they find out if the fish they bought were social or aggressive. No, but everyone got along until the "new kid" came. Again with the new kid.

So, I tell them to just watch the tank. See if you can see when and IF the new kid is eating tails. "No, g-mom he's hiding in the back on the bottom". Then as if on Q bossy #1 says to #2:
"just sit and watch the tank".
G-daughter #2 yells "No, way #1 I have a life and I'm not watching the tank all day".
#1 "Well its you're tank AND your fish he's eating".
#2 "I don't care, I'm not just sitting there all day watching a stupid fish".

By this time they again are yelling at each other and G-son is yelling something about changing the channel and "be quiet I can't hear the TV". I'm also wondering if I hang up now will they notice? or just keep yelling? Hmmm the button is right there..... Instead I interrupt the tirade, several times and now I'm yelling into the phone!! I hear #1 say to #2 "Shut up g-mom is mad at you and told you to be quiet". "I never said that" I tell her. I meant for you BOTH to shut-up! Then I proceed to explain you don't have to sit in front of the tank just look in once in a while, I tell them I love them and to get their chores done because g-mom is hanging up NOW!
I go to the garage to have a cigarette, two minutes of pure silence...then husband comes out all dressed to go. He gives me a list of everything he has done before leaving, so I will know. I'm thinking to ease his guilt. But at this point I don't even think he realizes how close to death he has come.
I will go to dance class tonight for one hour, stomp the living shit out of him on every step I take then come home friendly. He will only assume that I just needed to relax and all is good in his world.
The g-kids will call every time the new kid moves and I am going to find some rum and one of my smoothie mixes, put it in my little "Bullet" and tada take their calls. I will eventually promise the g-kids that g-mom will take them to a real fish store and replace the fish that the new kid has allegedly eaten and again all will be well in their world.
I should have gone to work...bi-polar doesn't have fish!

It's LASAGNE!!!!

2008-01-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

Can you make Lasagne for an army? I can:

How about desert?

I decided on Wednesday "I need Lasagne for dinner this week". Since I always cook for a "homeless shelter" as the husband says I needed to invite friends and family to help eat it! The lasagne was seven layers, I made my sauce the night before and put the pasta etc. together the next day. I then decided we needed a light cool dessert afterwards. Fruit tart...hmmm. Pastry dough, sugar free vanilla pudding, Cool Whip Free, kiwi, bananas, Mandarin oranges and strawberries then drizzle lightly with Smuckers Chocolate syrup! Lets just say I managed to save some dessert leftovers (I hid some) but, the Lasagne is GONE!!!!!

On another note remember SIL birthday is the end of December. We went to the hunt camp and after permission from daughter I am grateful to say I am being allowed to post these pics. We had an awesome time. The hunt camp looks more like a house in the woods and has 99% of the real home amenities. G-son still pees outside! Must be a boy thing. Running around playing really hard, stops, hunts down the perfect tree then right back to running around. LOL How many times have us girls thought "must be nice to just go pee without toilet tissuing the seat, hanging our purse from our necks and praying the paper holder works and no one has gone in before us to drop a bomb"! Oh well I can only say God had plan for women and it didn't include "finding the perfect tree".

And now for some pics:

Notice to the left g-daughter #1 ALWAYS manages to sneak in a picture!

G-daughters 1 and 2 and me

G-pop and the terrorists

SIL looking for an oxygen tank after blowing out candles on two cakes. His mom made a chocolate everything cake and a German chocolate cake that I have to admit was awesome enough for me to be "little pig, little pig" and eat two pieces! Yummmm!

An afterthought:
My MIL and I delight in sending each other "different" Christmas presents every year. I'm the only DIL who will step out of box and buy what I consider awesome shit! This year I sent her a galvanized bucket that had the ugliest face molded on it in cement that you use as an outside planter. Unfortunately at the time I wasn't smart enough to take a picture. But trust me. I called husband from a craft show and said "honey, can I send your mom an ugly-ass planter for Christmas"? His response..."uh, I guess so". Well in turn she sent me the following which I promptly hung up over my entertainment center in the LR for ALL to see as they came in. I love him! Husband and I arm wrestled over whether it should be hung there. He was thinking a back room. But, my personality was screaming for "full entertainment value". What do you guys think...

Next Christmas I will give him a red nose and hang tiny balls from his antlers.
He is a "12-point" and from his smile you can tell he "died" happy! I love him and I will call him Gerald!

Can't resist...Gramology

2008-01-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Sunshine and KHeatherG. Actually I love this stuff.

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Blue Cheese

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Publix Deli

Q. What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
A. Oasaka - Japanese cook in front of you HIYA!

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20%

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Wisconsin Cheddar cheese Soup

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. EXTRA, EXTRA Cheese

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Butter, cinnamon and sugar, I'm with Sunshine here!!!

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Grandkids at work and at home

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 5 all used

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Left!!!!!!

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Teeth, cysts, cartilage, a nail, a pencil lead, a sliver of steel should I go on?

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Sept. 2007 teeny tiny one

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. My husband off my arm sleeping last night.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Yep! Touch football by a guy I was totally in love with at 15!!

BULLCRAPOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Sure

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Katey Keenan (after my great,great,great g-mom who survived being an Irish servant in order to come to America)

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Husband says Teal, I love black and red

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yeah, a penny

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Yeah when my g-son choked on a bay leaf in soup...long ugly story but it wasn't my fault!
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yep, my dad

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Sure If I really missed it I could have one put on.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Sure

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Sure I pose naked for free when I'm cleaning house sometimes...VISUAL!!

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Sure

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Probably (Scary huh?)

DUMBOLOGY

Q. What is in your left pocket?
A. A Check

Q. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. didn't see

Q. Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Carpet and tile

Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Am I shaving my legs?

Q. Would you live with roommates?
A. When your married you have a ROOMMATE!!!

Q. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. 7

Q. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. OOO 1982

Q. Who is number 1 on your Top 8?
A. Husband

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: Fran
Q: Last person who called you?
A: G-son

Q: Last person you hugged?
A: Husband

Q: Last person to stick their foot in your face?
A: Husband

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7
Q: Season?
A: Fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: My friend in Miami

Q: Mood?
A: Its' FRIDAY!!!!

Q: Listening to?
A: Boss on cell phone

Q: Watching?
A: It rain outside

Q: Worrying about?
A: Why its taking 3p so long to get here

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: To the bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go camping!

Q: What's the last movie you saw in theater?
A: Silence of the Lambs....(I know, I know)

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes

Does this count as a post? Or do I have to do another one LOL!!!

Boxers, Briefs or none at all?

2008-01-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

Which do you prefer? Boxers or briefs? I love men in boxers. The husband wears boxer type briefs because he doesn't like the "boys" swinging free. Its his way of a compromise. I think boxers are sexy and allow easy access to areas that can be made inaccessible by briefs.

My dad, both brothers and several of our friends prefer none. How do I know that? Well, my mom told me about my dad....yeah I know, it just slipped out one day and I laughed like hell and said "well, that's a visual I could have done without." I asked both my brothers, because that's what big sisters do and through various "gutter" conversations, usually fueled by the demon alcohol, found out about various friends and neighbors.

This whole boxer/brief thing came about when we were watching the Drew Carey game show "Power of Ten". The question had something to do with the percentage of women who prefer boxer/brief. I made mention that men are sexier, etc in boxers. Husband got offended. Since he wears the "compromise" drawers (boxer type briefs) he thought I meant he wasn't sexy in his drawers. But, who is really sexy in their underwear? Anyways I tried to explain it wasn't entirely "how the packaged looked but what was in it" that was also a determining factor. That didn't work. Then he starts with the 20 questions.
Q: How many men have you seen in their underwear?
A: A lot (he raises an eyebrow, like I was the virgin Mary when we met.)
Q: How do you know who wears what?
A: I ask
Q: You just go up to some guy and say "what kind of underwear do you wear?"
A: If I know them I would.
Q: Why would you ask?
A: Curious, and sometimes its funny as shit! I mean did you know (boss at husband office) wears boxers?
Q: (totally shocked)HOW DO YOU KNOW? And please tell me you didn't ask.
A: His wife told me.
Q: Did you ask her?
A: Duh, No, we were talking about how tight this Lady's' dress was and the conversation went down hill from there...yep, slide right into the gutter! (made a sliding hand motion)
Q: When was this?
A: Christmas party last year. Who else you want to know about?
Q: Nobody I work with! Would you ask someone you didn't know?
A: Depends on who, like I wouldn't ask the president of where you work, but I would probably ask President Bush, just to confirm my suspicions.

Finally, I said "you should wear boxers on the weekend, just for me."
Then in only a redeeming quality a husband can have he says "I don't ask you to wear a thong."
Me: Do YOU like them? (he has never mentioned this and up until that moment I was glad)
Him: I might
Me: Well, I guess I could wear one every once in a while. (The whole time I'm think ewwww an all day wedgie!)
Him: No, I wouldn't do that to you. I just wanted to see if you would compromise. Besides I wouldn't want to have to wash, dry and fold them. You can't really fold them. (he demonstrates holding his hands in the air trying to fold an invisible pair)

God bless him a man that won't ask me to wear a thong, not because he doesn't like them but because you can't FOLD them!!!

So back to the original question... Boxers, briefs or none at all?
Just curious.

The boo-hoo babies

2008-01-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

It's the New Year 2008! So many things have past and so many things to come. I should be excited, rejuvenated and making plans, resolutions and generally "ready to go". So why do I have the boo-hoo babies? Why is the episode of "Monk" about his murdered wife making me cry? The husband has gone to play golf...again. This should make me happy, right? House to myself, TV to myself and making New Years' day dinner. I love to cook, this should make me happy. So why do I have the boo-hoo babies?

Maybe because I'm exhausted? Since I have had the weekend and Monday off I've cleaned three closets, the laundry room and cleaned the house from top to bottom. I've done all the laundry, changed the sheets on 2 beds, put all of Christmas away, been to the grocery, Walmart, peeled and diced onions, tomatoes and put my black-eyed peas and collards on the stove. I'm happy husband went to play golf...again. But on the other hand I'm totally pissed off about it. How come I have said "Its' OK for him to have down time and do something fun, but not me"?

Maybe because 2008 is relatively scary? The economy, world unrest, war, uncertaintity and global warming!

Maybe because at 50 I'm finally starting to say "Ok, so you look younger than that, but if you lose your job (construction is slow here and everywhere) who will hire you? No college degree, a G.E.D. only 26 years of OJT as a bookkeeper, you are pretty much prepared to be a ....What?

Maybe because I'm just having a plain 'ol pity party for myself?
This is the first time in a very l - o - n - g time I've got the boo-hoo babies.
Is it my turn? Is it all "just in my head" and basically my hormones are just running loopy and I need a good cry to clear the air?

Who knows? Cerainly not me right now. Its' 2008! Dammit Grammice! Suck it up you baby! You have a great huband who adores you, a family who truly loves and accepts you for who you are, a nice house, a job, your health.... see, now I've made myself cry again...Dammit Grammice!!!!! (Open the link below..I hope I did this right.)
http://glumbert.com/wii/view.php?name=baddayoffice

O just one more thing...

2007-12-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

Couldn't resist! G-daughter #1, G-son and G-daughter #2
G-son always smiles like he has a hemorrhoid! LOL
Beats hell out of the "I'm not sitting here, you sit there & tell him!" Years in the past.

OK enough Christmas! Next will be SIL B-day & Happy New Year pics.

Whewwww! Well almost

2007-12-28T09:45:00.000-08:00

Other than g-pop and I being dumba$$ and forgetting g-sons bike for the Christmas eve
Santa run and doing a round trip to get Banana pudding on Christmas day everything was awesome.
The AeroApostle clothes were acceptable and it seems Santa brought everything deemed necessary for a good Christmas. Daughter is dealing with an ipod that won't charge for g-daughter #1 but we're thinking it will turn out OK. G-daughter #1 keeps calling me to verify that "Yes the week after Christmas at Best Buy is packed and you will never see your ipod again unless you wait till after New Years". Moms lie but NOT g-moms! LOL
As far as me and Santa...ooo he done good! Not being materialistic at all I never really have a Christmas list.
I wanted different size hand held strainers that you can put over pots etc., perfume, my favorite...Walmarts Cucumber-melon, yeah I'm totally cheap, I also really wanted a sifter that you turn the crank not the squeeze the handle kind.
Santa stepped out of the box and surprised me with a ROASTER oven!!!! Santa said my list was cheesy and I "Needed" something big.
When it comes to my stocking Santa needs a list for that too. This year he said I was nasty, nasty!
I love certain kinds of food but never buy it 'cause in my mind if it costs more than $3 for just me to eat as a snack then I'm selfish.
Anyway, I wanted a small jar of Caviar (Publix -$6) only top of the line for me LOL, Smoked Salmon ($3 Publix), pickled Okra, water crackers, a jar of Hormel pigs feet and last but not least those little sausages called Red Hots.
He couldn't find the Pigs feet or Red Hots so Santa said he owes me, but being a resilient man he got a can of the little pickled baby corn and Vienna Sausages! I luuuve Vienna Sausages.

We still have to shop for son & G-friend. They are in PA visiting her folks and would prefer we wait to send their stuff when they get back. Which kinda works out pretty good, everything is on SALE!!! Now if I can get through 2 birthday parties (tonight & Sat.)and New Years eve and the Seminoles getting their proverbial ass kicked on New Years day It will all be done and I can start planning Easter! Whewww!

Another Christmas post ........

2007-12-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

Recently while taking g-son to see Santa at the MALL we walked by AeroApostle.
#1 G-daughter didn't stop, batt an eyelash, nothing. Husband I just looked at each other.
Me: Hey #1 theres AeroApostle.
#1 G-daughter: O g-mom that's so old, its all AmberCrombie now.
Me looking at husband <: - O

Bi-polar did do the Walmart thing. LOL - High Road WINS!

Christmas Eve - That is when g-pop and I load ALL the SANTA presents up into my 4x4 Dodge RAM 2500HD Cummings Diesel SLEIGH and sneak over to daughters house while they are at her ILs. We set out a platter of pigs in a blanket ready to go in the oven, I make the coffee for in the morning and we stuff the
M-bath with all the presents. We then drive home, have a toddie and wild passionate sex under the Christmas tree. OK, I lied about the sex part but wouldn't that be totally cool? Daughter just had a complete meltdown, I can hear her now "that's just nasty, Ma!". Christmas eve is my absolute, very favorite time of Christmas.

Christmas Day - Husband and I have our coffee (Kahlua in mine) and a quiet opening of presents. I put my casseroles etc. into the oven. Daughter calls 7times between 9a-10a about when we are getting there. We load up food, presents and stockings that are NOT from Santa and head over to daughters' house. The kids scream and yell about everything they've gotten, yes even G-daughter #1. We set food out, we eat, we drink, we have more toddies then head home to total peace and quiet which by 5-6p is well deserved.

Christmas Day night- Husband and I just sit in front of the tree with a toddie. Really, we talk about how we managed to "pull it off" again this year, that we are totally exhausted and the never ending comment "where did the money come from"? LOL

I probably won't post again until after Christmas as will most of us.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE, HAPPY NEW YEAR BE SAFE

Just a quickie

2007-12-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

Thought I was finished Christmas shopping. I lied. I was checking my list and some how I missed 4 people that I couldn't miss. Dammit Grammice. Then I had a major dilemma. We exchange gifts at work....I was NOT gonna get Bi-polar squat. I mean, (stepping out of the "holiday spirit" for a just a minute) I would not have given her a lump of shit. She is a totally mean hateful bitch, she lies, she is two-faced and she is a bully. Anyway, I mentioned this to someone I work with and respect. In a nut shell, because of her relationship with the bosses wife, despite what everyone else thinks....it would cause a major, major rift, getting for the office and leaving her out. After telling husband, he thought a minute and said "he's probably right".
This whole rift thing really pissed me off. I mean, what about the rift its caused for me? But, then the more reasonable side came out...you know the one that says "take the high road". Sooooo half of me thought get her one of those Walmart gift box things you know watery Cocoa or flavors of horseradish. I check the price $15-$20! Dammit. Long story short the high road won, I went to the liquor store bought a 750ml bottle of Jack Daniels. Your probably thinking WHAT!? I figure she is going to get me one of those Walmart gift boxes so my present is going look damn nice next to that! I took the high road! Not much Christmas spirit involved but I felt like it was good compromise. LOL

Yesterday was our 24th wedding anniversary. We have been together 28 years. GOOD GOD!! I know there is a special place in heaven for him. I'm not high maintenance but I can give you a run for your money if I'm mad enough or I feel the need to get even. He has made me a kindlier, more gentler Grammice. HURRAY FOR US!

We are taking g-kids to see Santa tonight. G-son so TOTALLY believes in Santa that even being sick he swears if he doesn't see him he will never, ever get his Power Ranger and Spider man stuff. It is so cool and so totally innocent that I can't bear to think that someday he will grow up not believe anymore. No matter what g-mom says. So tonight we are gonna go see Santa! And hope he will sit on his lap, tell him about Power Rangers and Spider man.

The Pictures are here!!!

2007-12-11T15:32:00.000-08:00

So here you go guys, the source of my mini-meltdown on Black Friday. LOL Believe it or not the lights were off for the Christmas Tree pictures. Now, it just waits for all the surprises coming Christmas Eve when Santa comes down the chimney and puts all those Visa and Mastercard bills in my stocking! LOL

The Tree

Here comes the train!

The Train

Half of the Bedford/Christmas Story Village

The other half of the Village

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Goodnight!

The Pictures are coming, the pictures are coming

2007-12-11T04:45:00.000-08:00

I will be posting Christmas tree pictures and maybe a couple I took while camping this evening. Husband and I both came back with "Ebola" so the last few days have been miserable and cranky. Weather was beautiful in St. Augustine during the day but the nights were cold and very, very damp. The fog was so heavy in the mornings we couldn't see the folks camper right next door, and it sounded like a heavy rain dripping from the trees.
I'm pretty sure all the vitamin C and the extra doses of "Airborne" has helped quite a bit to keep us from going down for the count. I'm also gonna make a giant pot of Chicky noodle soup. That cures everything.

Stay tuned.........

Uh Oh

2007-12-05T16:40:00.001-08:00

Sh1tsandgiggles is updating my blog...Some weird things have happened. Bear with her I don't want her yelling at me about being s - l - o - w anymore. Post pictures as promised when I get back.

Catch up

2007-12-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

Briefly - Plumber showed up on Tuesday around 1p. Started listening for leak to decide where to jackhammer first, it had moved across the room to the other side of the bathroom. He decides he doesn't like that and is going to blow air thru the lines to find the leak exactly. When he does,I have a sprinkler at my front window at the sewer line outside. No air, no sprinkler, no air, no sprinkler. I could have kissed the man!!! Should cost about $250 no jackhammering and it was done in 20 min. It turns out that an original connection had been screwed too tight, cracked and had been leaking for years it just got worse. Because of all the mulch etc. that I load up in my garden it wasn't coming to the surface. The only bad thing...everything grew so well in that garden!!!

Christmas Tree - I finally got the tree all put together including the train. Surprising enough the train was the least of my worries it was plugging in all those lights. Since its pre-lit you have to plug into the right plug ALL the way up the tree. Honest, I'm not stupid. I can read and write and would probably chew gum if I liked it. But, I was so ready to kill someone! I actually walked into the garage lit a cigarette and shed a few tears. I was tired and wore out. I had drug boxes, climbed ladders, fought with garland, ribbon, tape, I had cut myself with aluminum foil, yes aluminum foil its really not hard when your trying to tear it and smooth it to make a pond for your Bedford Falls Christmas village. I was done. Have another cigarette, grab a beer and try to think of someone I could call that would feel my pain and tell me to suck it up, quit whining and get in there and finish that damn tree. But alas, daughter was in the woods hunting. So, I sucked it up and in I went. I just started plugging in every male and female plug I found. No thought just shove it in there. Stepped on the button and GLORY BE it lit ALL the way up INCLUDING the ANGEL!!! Hell I felt like Tiny Tim in scrooge when Scrooge is no longer "Scrooge"
GOD BLESS US Everyone!

OOOOO He is T-TOTALLY pissed

2007-11-26T11:37:00.000-08:00

Plumbers did not show up.
We got a call saying that only 3 people showed up for work today and running behind. That was at 930a said they SHOULD be able to be there by 11:30a, at 1:30p we found out they weren't coming at all.
He took the whole day off, he is T-TOTALLY pissed. They have rescheduled for Tuesday. He is going to work! I am going to be the one to be there.

OOOOO he is soooooooo PISSED.

Stay tuned

Where's the Christmas tree stand?

2007-11-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

I'm stuffed! I'm also over anything fowl for the moment. Thanksgiving day was quiet and successful. The husband went to work on Friday and I turned up the stereo. In order to unpack the gazillion boxes I have of Christmas decorations just for INSIDE the house you have to have loud, ass-kickin rock n roll music playing. In order to put up the tree decorations you have to have loud, various artists Christmas music playing. So that is how I spent "Black Friday".

My husband and children from the time they were toddlers refuse to help put up the tree. Instead when I start loading the 100 disc CD changer with Christmas music they head for the hills. They will do anything but put up the tree. They will idly walk in the house see me stretching to reach and then say "Looks good ma" and keep walking. The flip side? I get ALL the credit for what my grandchildren call "Winter Wonderland" at Grandma's.

Back to the tree, we have an artificial, pre lit 9' Christmas tree. Unfortunately, I am allergic to the real thing. Swollen eyes, hives yeah I run the whole gamut. This tree is heavy as shit, trying to A) get it out of the box is always fun, kinda like wrestling a python. I think that's why they make the top section so tiny. Because you have ruptured a disc and dislocated your shoulders trying to pull out the other two sections. After twenty min. of cussing Christmas and yes I CUSS Christmas every time I put up the tree. I look in the box and the stand is gone, I pick up this huge box and shake it. Why? Hell I don't know, just seemed like the thing to do. Go out to the garage and look in the gazillion boxes of OUTDOOR stuff, no stand. Come back in the house and look in the box again. Well, SHIT! Call husband.

Where's the tree stand its not in the box?
His famous I am a safe distance of 15 miles away comment "That's a problem".
Biting my tongue to keep from saying "No shit Sherlock". I thank him for his insight and ask again "Wheres the Christmas tree stand"?
I don't know, did you check the box?
Again, biting my tongue "Yes, I checked the box and the boxes in the garage and in the house. Did you get everything out of the attic?
Slightly exhausted response from him "Yes, I got EVERYTHING out of the attic.
Since this was useless I decided to hang up. His comment "Bye honey, call me if you still can't find it".
Why would I call him? Is he going to rush home, fix me a vodka and grapefruit and hold my hand? Can you buy another one? NO! You have to buy another whole tree to get the damn stand. Finally in total frustration I check the box..yes again, then start going thru all the boxes again! Finally 1 hour and 15 min's later I find it. Tucked neatly on the side of the box that holds the damn train track that goes around the middle of the tree. But that's a whole nother post that gets ugly and I cuss Christmas, Santa, Mrs. Claus, the elves and my husband and children for ALL running away on the day after Thanksgiving. Ungrateful little.....

a JACKHAMMER!!!! Thanksgiving

2007-11-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard rushing water through your bathroom walls when there is no water running? How about going from 66cgal. of water a month to 225cgal. Basically filling a swimming pool. Have you ever called your utility company about the outrageous water consumption and been told "not to over react"? Well,I have and let me tell you the Monday before Thanksgiving is NOT the day to find out you have a leak in the guest bathroom pipe that is located in the slab your house sits on! And I'm not over reacting.
Our master and guest bath back up to each other and we were hearing water rushing through the walls. Constantly. We were told to shut off all the valves then go look at our water meter. If it was running we had a leak. The 1st month we did this not running, good no leak, still hear the water. We check the attic and walls and ceiling and walk around the whole house several times. After all if you have a leak that sounds that bad you should have a river somewhere, right? NOT! The next bill came, Holy Shit! Call the plumber. OMG!

Now friends tell us.."be glad its not in the wall". How do you figure? Since they will pull out the toilet, take a JACKHAMMER to my one year renovated bathroom and chisel a hole through what is equivalent to half the bathroom and thru the tile. We will then have to re-tile the bathroom and reset or buy a new toilet since the plumber mentioned that while it still looks good we "may" want to think about replacing it due to its age. 20. When did 20 become old? At least in the wall you slap on some sheet rock and paint tada! Especially when the husband just got finished tiling your kitchen counters. Yeah the enthusiasm was just flowing...along with the water and the money.

I will, like millions of other Americans have a house full of company on Thanksgiving and we all know what happens after dinner. You got it...Uncle Charlie is going to take his annual Turkey Day sit-downer in your guest bathroom. He will be quite proud and quite long, taking his relaxing sit-downer in your potty!
NO ONE will be able to go within fifty feet of the hallway thanks to "uncle Charlie". Has he no shame? Spray dammit spray! Turn on the fan, close the door!

Being of sound mind and body I have opted to wait till the Monday after Thanksgiving to take the JACKHAMMER to my guest bathroom. I will "drink" the extra water consumption and the extra cost in all fairness to my other guests. In the meantime when the husband leaves for work he will go out to the meter and shut off the water to the house and every afternoon when I get home I will go out to the meter and turn it back on. Unlike today when I came rushing in at 90 miles a hour slam the numbers into the alarm while un-zipping my pants and doing the pooppy dance, I make it to the potty just in time...ahhhhh. Finish with my "business" get up and pull the ever present, always working handle and NOTHING happened! Shit, shit, shit! The F&^%ING water is off! Dammit Grammice! Pull up my britches and carry my not to happy ass to the street to the meter and turn the water back on. Go back in the house and head for the bathroom that now smells like Uncle Charlie two days early!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and stay tuned for pictures!

Grocery shopping and kids....there should be a law

2007-11-18T06:54:00.000-08:00

Decided to take Fri. off at the last minute. Basically got tired of bi-polar being on the cross whenever the bosses wife was around and I wanted to get my shopping done BEFORE all the mommies with those damn race car and mommy and me shopping buggies hit the aisles. Not that I have anything against kids and mommies (I was one myself) but when did grocery shopping become a kid sport? I mean, we had buggies. Period. Depending on how many kiddies, you each held the side of the cart and baby tied nicely in the seat. The end. If you let go of the buggy and started racing around the store or pitched a bitch when you were told No you got taken outside and your mom had a talk with your butt. Nobody wanted their butt talked to. So consequently you never let go of the buggy and pretty much held your tongue lest you got the evil eye and a trip "outside".

How many times have you heard this "If you don't stop your going to time-out"? Time out is bullshit in a grocery. Where exactly are these mommies going to put them? The freezer section?
How many times have you dodged or been run into by terrorists running through the grocery? For example the 2 pre-teen boys playing "tag" in Publix. Mom is shopping very nonchalant turns and says "stop running". This causes "fast walking". Which turned into them flying around the aisle smack into my buggy which was propelled into me while I was looking for the right stuffing and running up my heel. I had been dodging these boys since they came in behind me. Totally pissed I turned and said "knock it off your in a grocery store for gods sakes didn't your mother teach you better". I wasn't yelling and I wasn't quiet. Mom looks at them then me. I am silently begging her to say just one word...please. No such luck. She just says "See what you did, didn't I tell you to stop running"? Gave me an ugly look, moved my buggy and proceeded up the aisle. The terrorists intermittently looking back at me and laughing. She never once apologized or said anything to those boys. I had to fight every urge I had not to "accidentally" run up the back of her heel with my buggy. Violence? You bet. As I was leaving they were checking out 2 registers over and they were punching and shoving each other and kept banging in to the cart behind them. Good 'ol mom......she never "noticed" a thing.

This is not a playground. In case you haven't noticed its a grocery store, a place of business, breakables, crowded. I don't think I'm alone in this thought. How many times have you stood at the register silently praying for the parent behind you to "please do something". Pop a butt, smack a hand. Anything! Why should other people be subject to your non stop "Stop that, I'm not going to tell you again" rhetoric for the bazillionth time or the non stop whining child. Because you feel by ignoring it your teaching them they aren't going to get their way by whining. Give me a break!

Society says spanking a child is:
1)A form of child abuse
2)Demeaning (I guess your child's screaming, back talking terrorist actions aren't?) 3)We are teaching our kids violence and they will grow up to be degenerates of society (worse yet mass murders and they will blame you!)
4)We are giving them low self esteem by embarrassing them

But what are you teaching your child when you never follow thru? Where is the right and wrong of the "I'm going to's or not going to's". The child knows this, you know this so why even bother? Parents worry about movies, music, the Internet. Take a look in the mirror? Who will your child learn from? Where are the tools to exist as a positive member of society coming from? If your tool box is full of empty threats and promises, then your child's tool box will be empty.

As Bill Cosby said recently "You are the parent, not the friend act like it"!

Drum Roll Please..................

2007-11-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Turning 50 is awesome. I'm 5 days in and no sign of menopause! Looks like I'm on a roll. The party was the best ever. We had so much food and very little was left over. I stayed up till 2am! Got up at 630a on Sat. went to a garage sale that I've been waiting for with baited breath. Bought totally cool stuff. Like a Bombay & Co coffee table that looks like a stack of books, except the book backs are drawers. $20 bucks! Came home got food ready. Daughter came over with girls and we decorated. The funniest part of decorating came when I couldn't get something to stay hung up with the tape. After several totally pissing me off tries I came out with my usual "Well, just Fu%# a duck!" husband comes in from cutting the grass says "whatcha doin baby?" and g-daughter #2 says "She doing something with a duck."
Daughter and I were convinced husband was stuck in reverse while mowing the backyard. He has a ride 52" and every time we looked out the back porch it seemed like he was in the same spot just going in circles. They have a ride on too and 2+ acres, her husband would have been done and had a few beers while her dad cut 3/4 of an acre. He's fussy.
Anyway 7p rolls around and I'm putting finishing touches on tables, people are coming in and I hear my name "Hey grammice". I turn around and OMG! I can't say one single word! I just keep looking back and forth between these two people, moving my lips and nothing, I mean nothing is coming out. Finally, I get the presence of mind to hug them. NABS (the girl) and I worked together for 5 yrs at a local TV station. She left and I haven't seen her in 10 yrs. She was this chunky little round faced newly wed That used to call me her "work mommy". This was one of my surprises from my husband. Her husband "Cor-meister" works for a company that I deal with daily and we are within 10 miles of their house. We are so looking forward to reconnecting.

NABS and Cor-meister with the husband. Cor-meister was my official
photographer until my batteries ran out. LOL

So many people came. Old friends and new.

My "cooking" neighbor,
I'm getting my birthday hug.
Doesn't he look like hes' enjoying himself?

The oysters were awesome,

My hottie husband and his steamed oysters!
Both are yummy!

Sitting on daughters lap.
Of course she is bitching the whole time!

My daughter and her BF got into the Jose' and Patron which was a hoot. They both decided to "Pole Dance" using my door jam. Rounds of applause from the crowd! But no dollars. Tough crowd. I truly wish I had a picture but, I was searching for new batteries. Dumb ass!
I also danced....alot. No door jams...bad back. But I did do the "bump" with one of my sons friends. We danced most of the night and we even did Michael Jackson's' "Thriller" with "moonwalk" and everything. Husband stood in the Florida room saying "she won't be able to walk in the morning." Ye' of little faith, I got up next morning and made bacon and eggs for daughter, husbands, kids and BF's husband who dropped by.
I had a necklace of 50th birthday several stuff. Hemorrhoid anti-aging cream etc. Plus big red flashing lips!!

Daughters' husband, a family friend
and yet again daughters BF's husband.
My big red flashing button that said
"Kiss me I'm 50" Whhhhwhooooo!

My clogging class buddies
We don't drink, we Clog.....yeah right!

Then came the BIG moment.........

The FIRE!

I'm there! I DID IT!!! I'M 50!!!! OMG, OMG!
Despite my mothers ominous words at 15 when I got caught smoking in the school bathroom, 1st and only time. "Acting like trash will only get you killed, they're gonna find you in a ditch somewhere." (My mommy really loves me but back then smoking was what "bad" girls did.)
Despite the fact that I had two wonderful kids who's goals between the ages of 15 and 18 were to drive me to an early grave.
I made it I was 50!!! The best part? Since my husband is younger than me I now have a "boy-toy"! Yep, read it in the Enquirer. When you turn 50 you get to have a "boy-toy" and I got one. So wanna know what my "boy-toy" did for my birthday? Not that! Jeez. Not in front of all those people.

My birthday present from my "boy-toy"
He finished the Kitchen counters

The other 1/2 of my birthday present.
Did I mention he did all the trim work
himself too?

I hope everyone enjoys some of my pics. There are more but, well...you know. We all pick and choose what to put out there. LOL

It was the most awesome day. Everyone who came truly loves me. I have friends of all ages, sizes and colors and I'm proud of that. I am very lucky to have a man that went totally above and beyond the call of duty to literally spend weeks tracking down people I missed and hadn't seen in a while, building my counters and most of all just loving me through all the "maybe a party isn't such a good idea" meltdowns. My dear friend in California had her ticket, but the fires came within 10 miles of her home the day she was to leave and she couldn't.
I am truly lucky to have a daughter I can love and who loves me, fight with and talk to who busted her ass to help her dad and run a gazillion errands, with 4 kids and piss off her 13 yr. old totally by not letting her BF spend the night just so she could be there when her mom turned 50. My son who was also out in California on a business trip and his girlfriend who wanted so badly to come but couldn't get back in time, again thanks to the fires. They we will be here for Thanksgiving and we will celebrate again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Stay Tuned......

2007-11-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

Just wanted the lurkers to know pictures are downloaded, words are forming in my head the birthday post is coming.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2007-11-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEE

HAPPY BIIIIIRRRRTHDAAAAAY TOOOOOOOO MMMMMEEEEEEEEEE

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAYYYYYY DEAR GRAMMMMMMMICE

HAAAAAAAAPPPPPPY BIIIIRRRTHDAYYYY TOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sorry I don't know how to add pretty pictures to a a post yet. But, its' still

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY TO ME

Halloween and the plumbers?

2007-11-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

Went to the mail yesterday and my folks had sent me a T-shirt that says:
Mommy knows a lot BUT Daddy Knows EVERYTHING! In my house if you want the truth or logic you call my dad. My husband is sweet and nice and considerate but someday if he's lucky enough he will be as smart as MY DAD! Now in his daughters eyes he is smarter than her husband, but not as smart as her Pop-pop. So I take the T out and put it on. Looks good.
G-daughter #1 calls: "G-mom what are you for Halloween"?
Me: "I'm a "daddy's girl".
And so the night went. Everyone cracked up at my "costume". I carved my pumpkin. Vodka & grapefruit juice and knives and pumpkin carving at 4:25p on Halloween can really mess you up. I tried to cut out a nose but then noticed it was too high. Dammit! So I made another hole, much better nose. Now what about the other hole? OOOO throw in and eyebrow and you now have a 3-eyed pumpkin!
One little Halloween funny: G-son was so excited he told his mommy: "Its' OK you don't have money, the candy is FREE!!!

THE PLUMBER:
On Halloween I decided that husband had too much to do to finish the kitchen, yard and birthday shop so I called the plumber to come install the new sink. Husband not happy. Too much money. In my mind, sink installed, kitchen done put stuff away yeah! Got your kitchen back. Maid comes on Friday, PARTY Saturday. Now that's a plan. A Curt "get over it" solved the attitude over too much $. The plumbers just left AND I got a new garbage disposal too! Since this was my birthday present I decided on a new disposal. Boy, when I step out of the box, I step big time! One little hitch. My sink drains don't match the faucets. Someone told me they had too. In my mind, feeble as it is of late, this made no sense. Husband loved it and bought matching drains. Well they didn't fit. The plumber said he could "go get" new ones to match but he would have to come back on Friday. Oh, hell no! Stainless steel matches everything. Put'em in. Another executive decisions.
And now for the pictures you all have been dying for...see I know how you think!

Guess who!

Pumpkin Cyclops

Just a quickie

2007-10-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

Well some good news today. YeeHaw! Especially after yesterdays post. First the *sun tunnels were installed with only one phone call from the husband. This call went on in the middle of a work problem that was quickly becoming a crisis.
* Sun Tunnels = Plexiglass bubbles on outside of roof with tubing (like a big dryer tube) is placed at the beginning and end and another flat piece of frosted plexiglass in the room that you want it in. allows natural light with no leaks (like skylights) and no heat since its all done with light reflection in the tube. totally cool and gives a lot of light even on a cloudy day in an other wise dark room. Pics coming soon.

Husband: Honey, they can only put one tunnel where you wanted.
Me: Why?
Husband: Because they didn't come with the flex tubing its straight pipe and the other will have to go thru both roofs.
Me: Tell them to go buy flex tubing & put them where I wanted that's what I paid for.
Husband: They can't do that, tell me where you want them to stick the 2nd tunnel.
Me: I love you and this is a bad time, I know exactly where you guys can stick the tunnel. But, Its' not fair to you for me to be ugly so you are there you figure it out and remember I will be home soon.
Husband: Uh, OK Love you and thank you for not being ugly. Click

The tunnel is where I wanted, it took them just a little longer but its' amazing what a small threat like "I'll be home soon" will get accomplished without being ugly. LOL

On the other side, my bosses wife came back from lunch today and said that after they left she started thinking about what I said about bi-polar getting her raise and me being the "last one out". Well, she realized that everyone else's raise came in the first 6 months of the year and I was the only one who hadn't gotten a raise this year so that was unfair and they are giving me my raise. YEEHAW!!!
With the raise if they cut our office hours it will hurt but it will not be devastating. Which without the raise, it was going to be devastating. That was one of the things that was kinda rocking my world and causing me to be up most of the night. With construction being the way it is here in Sunny Florida right now the possibility of a 3 day work week can be ugly on the money side. We can make it, just prepping for it now. Of course all this has come about right in the middle of spending money for "home improvements". Isn't life grand?
But, Que sera sera I feel much better now. LOL Must be the Vodka & grapefruit juice.

Lovely.....Photo op and a little "that sucks" news

2007-10-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't already heard for my 50th b-day I really wanted my kitchen counter tops tiled, they were Formica circa 1988. I love tile. Not real impressed with Corian, granite etc. I'm a tile girl. My neighbors recently had granite installed in their kitchen and it is really pretty. But not me, so here's some pics. The husband took off a week from work to do it. Not that it will take a week but we have to play golf at least once maybe twice.

Done, big hole is where sink goes! Duh huh!

Diligence and beer the husband is working hard!

See the color! OOOOOO

Small portion of the mess

My husband is doing a fantastic job! He works harder and is more meticulous because he doesn't want it to "look like a dumb banker did it". Of course like most women I sometimes have more "balls" than brains when I said "when your done the kitchen, you should go ahead and tile the master bathroom sink like I wanted." Hellllo! Do you not know when to quit? Knowing me he politely said "F&%$ you". He did laugh and shake his head while flipping me off. Guess that wasn't good timing. LOL

Preparing for this wasn't so bad either. I mean I really did the "smart" thing and had the maid come clean the day before we started. She only comes twice a month but, lord that shouldn't have been the day! That bit of intelligent information came to me when husband took out the Jam Saw and proceeded to cut off the original back splash and fifty tons of dust blew through my house covering everything within a two mile radius. OMG! We opened windows, turned on fans and choked to death while it cleared out. So much for the maid coming. Did I mention also that in the middle of all this fun we are having a new roof put on. Oh, yeah. It hasn't rained in 2 months and what does it do the day they start? Rains like Noah just finished the Ark! So what should have taken two days has taken four and the last part, installing Sun Tunnels is happening tomorrow. Well, if it doesn't rain, so I'll just disregard the 60% chance the weatherman has been touting all day. At least we are having fun right?

Now for the news that sucks:
I was told I wasn't going to get my pay raise this year because business has been so slow the company is "tightening their belts". Basically it will affect me and the warehouse manager. The two lowest paid in the company and there are only two people in the office, me & bi-polar. What really sucks? Bi-polar got hers already this year. About a month ago to be exact. My pay raise was due Oct. 6th on my anniversary date, but bi-polar said it was the day she was "told" to give me a raise." As in "Hasn't Grammice been here a year yet? Shouldn't she get her raise?" I've been there four years and every year I wait for bi-polar to "remember" to give me my raise. That really sounds greedy and spoiled. I'm not, it just irritates me that hers comes EXACTLY on her anniversary date unless that is a weekend then she gives it to herself the Friday before. Rakes my ass. I keep telling myself that at least I still have a job. So, I'm trying to be positive. But DAMN I work hard, do what I'm asked and on a moments notice I will work late when bi-polar doesn't come in, like today. I found out at noon that I was going to be there till 5. At 9a I started asking where she was, she was suppose to be in at 11-1130 had something to do with her daughter. OK, So I will work from 7a-5p, overtime is good. But she will bitch if I put an appt. on the calendar a month in advance just so everyone knows I'll be out. We used to call it "consideration". Something she knows nothing about.
Enough about her I may have to go get a vodka and grapefruit on a work night.

To end on a positive note, what does everyone think of my kitchen in progress? I love it! I have a visual going that even bi-polar can't kill.

I'm such a hater

2007-10-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

God I hate Monday! I hate remodeling. I hate being bored at work. I hate bi-polar looking at me! I hate doing laundry! I hate my husbands snoring. I hate not being able to eat whatever I want, when I want without gaining a gazillion pounds. I hate trying to get dead beat contractors to pay their bills that are 5 mos. old and they keep promising to bring me a check and bi-polar keeps letting work get done for them and their bills keep getting higher then she tells the owners' wife I'm not doing collections. I hate bi-polar looking at me.

Elvis, Peanut butter, Bananas and Bis-ghetti

2007-10-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

OK, I grew up watching Elvis swivel, rock, sweat, get fat, sweat more and still rock. I remember shedding real tears when he died and thinking about how sad his life had gotten. I remember thinking "poor Lisa Marie". Yeah, OK I was young too.

I also grew up NOT eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I had cream cheese and jelly or cream cheese and banana. I HATE peanut butter. Yep, nasty, stinky throw-up food peanut butter. I did not introduce my children to PB. My husband did when we were dating and the kids were about 5 and 3.

Husband: Hey guys how about a PBJ?

Kids: Whats that?

Husband: Grammice, they don't know what a PBJ is? pbj=peanut butter and jelly

Me: Nope, we don't eat that sh1t in my house. (I wasn't even ashamed)

Husband: Come here guys let me show you something.
My children then watched in awe as he spread PB first on 1 side then Jelly on the other and smashed them together. They ate like someone had made them a candy sandwich and I was out of town. From that point on PBJ's became a staple in our house. I was not happy.

Since money was so bad the husband in college, I was making $114.00 per week as a secretary, he introduced them to another way to enjoy eating PBJ's. Something called BIS-ghetti with PBJs. That's Franco American Spaghetti w/ketchup, mustard, brown sugar & about a 1lb ground beef added. Cook it all together and serve it with milk & a PBJ. At this point my kids loved my husband so much more than me, after all I had hidden this treasure of life from them.
Daughter and son love this dish to this day. Not too long ago daughter called & begged her dad to make her bis-sghetti and she fed it to the G-kids.

Recently while grocery shopping my husband slips about 4 Reese's PB cups into the cart, he tells me they were "new" and he wanted to try them. I look down and see a picture of Elvis on the front and the words "Banana Cream". Well, HOT DAMN! Banana Cream and chocolate? Hmmmm this might be good. Later, when we get home I noticed they have PB and banana Cream! Banana Cream wins out, I mean it has to hide the taste of the PB right? The husband & I share one.

People let me tell you that despite the PB REESE'S has hit the jackpot! This is GOOOOOD! Then husband says (eyes rolling around head) "Bet these would be good COLD".
O hell! In the fridge they went. I still only eat about 1/2 because I really don't like PB but guys I'm telling you....buy them, fridge them and then find a place of total peace & quiet and savor each bite.

Chili, Chilly and tile

2007-10-12T07:36:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it.....our temperature is going to 48 in the evenings here starting tonight! Can I hear a rousing hallelujah! For those of you who have already seen those temps you can at least be happy for us here in north Fla.
The husband just laughs because he knows the very 1st thing going on the stove this weekend will be my famous Chili! Simmering all damn day! Hmmmmm I can almost taste it! Daughter hates it and everyone else asks for the recipe. Daughter says they are trying to improve it. LOL You can only do your best raising them right?

The husband & I are tiling the kitchen counter tops, its my 50th birthday present. I currently have the lovely and everlasting 1988 Formica. Scratched and stained every where. I have scrubbed and polished it over and over trying to clean it.
Its U-G-L-Y.
I have looked for months for exactly what I wanted. I knew what color, what style everything. I was on the Internet researching and shopping. Nothing! Totally frustrated. Then one Saturday I finally found it at the last place I thought to look. If it hadn't been for daughter calling & wanting me to pick up g-daughter #1 "because shes on your side of town" I would never have found my tile.

To keep within the budget we are installing ourselves, not hard and we have done this before. Originally we were quoted $5.50 a sq.ft for Lavastone which is almost like a mexican in thickness, but has the deep rich color of a mosaic, perfect for counter tops. YEH!!!! Totally in my budget with some left over! Whooowee! While we are getting quantity etc. figured out the "screw you" rock rolls out and the sales rep says "I am so sorry the previous price I gave you was for a 4x4 square, each, the actual price is......$30.00 a sq. ft.! OMG!!!! Holy Shit!!! Now to some that wouldn't be too bad but me? Oh hell, after I gave banker hubs mouth to mouth to resuscitate I told the rep I would let him know, I HAD to think! He apologized again BUT he could lower the price to $20.00 because of the error. We went home.

I was in a crap-ass mood all weekend because I had what I wanted, I was misquoted and frankly I was just PO'd about the whole thing. Dammit! Never fails when we think everything is going along great on a home project in rolls the "screw you" rock. Husband felt terrible, we talked, fudgetted, re-measured in case we had too much, you know all the things to try and figure out how to work around the "screw you" rock. Well, the husband surprised me Wednesday when I left work he called "Order your tile I figured out how we can pay for it and not kill our budget". Good 'ol banker husband...I sure hope he likes the tile when he gets out of jail!!!! LOL*

*Only kidding on the jail thing....we did figure it out and the tile is being delivered next week.

P.S.
If you have a chance to read Sh1ts and Giggles it's a good read today and a heart warming post.

Can you hear me now?

2007-10-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie. The husband and I just had this conversation, its 745p.

Husband-in kitchen: I'm kinda like you just got the "fungrys"*.
*more munchy than hungry

Me-living room: Eat your yogurt before it goes bad.

Husband: I can't go to bed yet or I'll be up at 3 am.

Wife: What?

Husband: I can't go to bed or I'll be at 3 am.

Wife: Whats that got to do with yogurt?

Husband: What Yogurt?

Wife: Aren't you hungry?

Husband: No, why?......

What was REALLY said:

Husband: I'm kinda like you, tired but not ready for bed.

Wife: Eat your yogurt before it goes bad.

Husband:I can't go to bed yet or I'll be up at 3 am.

Wife: What?

Husband: I SAID I can't got to bed I will be up at 3am.

Wife: Oh, I thought you said you were hungry like me. Do you want any yogurt?

Husband: No, I'm just tired tonight. What just happened here?

Wife: One of us can't hear.

Goodnight

Help Me! and other things...

2007-10-02T05:08:00.000-07:00

Well, who gives a shit but, Brittany Spears kids finally will get a somewhat half-ass chance at a life, for now, her ex has received custody. In my opinion "why didn't this happen a year ago"?

Spent a total of 2 hours between the husband & I on phone with daughter about my 50th birthday party last night. Husband drives her crazy cause he's too "conservative" and wants to do this organized type thing but swears he doesn't. Daughter is totally organized but agonizes over every detail. Me? I'm a nats ass away from just slap it on a table, put up some lights, grab some beer & liquor and tadada! It's a party! LOL. But alas daughter says we need a theme.
We picked one last nite, a regular birthday party with balloons and hats and noise makers etc. and now after dreaming about some of the weirdest birthday parties ever I don't know if I like the idea. This will send daughter into a complete meltdown along with the fact that I'm not worried about the menu because its my birthday. We are definitely having oysters raw & steamed because its fall and they are totally awesome right now..good and salty. Hmmmm! Everything after that is a bonus.

So peoples out there in blog-land HELP!!! I have till Friday to come up with something. If you like the "Happy Birthday" with hats, balloons etc. let me know.

We have vetoed the following:
Parrot Head
Trash Bash
Anything Mexican
Nifty 50
Over the Hill

So Burg? Sunshine? Kat? Heather? Weather? Help out an "old Lady". LOL

"You're gonna poke your eye out!"

2007-09-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

Growing up my mother always said "No running with scissor", "Do you have on clean underwear? Because your not going to embarrass the whole family if your in an accident and your underwear is dirty." But the most famous of all was "You're gonna poke your eye out". No matter what we did the end result was we were gonna poke our eye out. After a rock fight we had with our cousins who lived up the hill from us my mother promptly beat our butts and said "how many times have I told you? Were you trying to put someones eye out?" No we weren't really, we were just trying to bean my other two cousins because they were older and meaner and they started it!
On our last camping trip I tried to "poke my eye out". But that wasn't all that happened on this trip of trips. To begin with we were suppose to leave first thing in the morning, but bipolar pitched a bitch and we didn't leave til 230p. Within 45 minutes of getting on the interstate we see 6 FHP cars radaring in the median, 1 hour into the trip it is now pouring down rain and we have passed two accidents. This goes on for the next 3 hours. We are pulling a 30' 5th wheel its raining so hard you can't see the hood of the truck, traffic has crawled to 40-45mph, people are pulling off the road but NOT leaving their flashers or lights on so you can see them and NOT kill them. As we get closer to our destination traffic slows to 25mph, its now a medium drizzle of rain, there is construction on both sides of the highway, orange cones, equipment I mean everything is sitting on the side of the road. We are 12 miles from the campground and we hear this whizzing sound and it sounds like its coming from the car next to us, but we don't see anything and keep inching along. About 2 miles later this family in the next lane yells over to us "Hey your front tire is flat". Son of a bitch! Front drivers side no less, the drizzle has now turned to a heavy drizzle as on "Q" and we have to pull into the mud in the construction area to try and change this F%$#@! tire. 15 minutes later the tire is changed! I am so not kidding you! We worked like a pit crew. No fighting, bitching nothing. He started the lug nuts, I finished them while he got out the spare, I slid off the flat he slid on the spare, I put the lugs back on, he put the flat in the back and came back to tighten the nuts. We were awesome. We slide back into traffic and arrive soaked, dirty and ready for a drink at the campground. Joy of joy my folks, uncle and aunt are waiting. I take one look at my mom and thought Shit shes' in a bad mood about something! You know how you can look at your mom and know that. Well, boy howdy I couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder. Shortly after that daughter & her family pull in. I immediately hand the husband a beer, fix a vodka & grapefruit and grab the cigarettes. I hug my mom and
the first conversation went something like this:

Mom: Are you going to drink all night or you going to eat pizza with the family, do you even eat? You look anorexic.
Me: Yes ma I'm going to have a few drinks tonight. It was a rough stressful drive and I'm exhausted. Yes, I eat pizza, no I'm not anorexic.
Mom: What are the g-kids doing, where are they? You know you can't just let them run in the campground, this isn't your campground at home, your in da-da and there are pedophiles everywhere!
Me: I don't know go ask daughter shes' the mom. My kids are all grown up. Ma, just sit and relax lets' visit have a drink you need it.
Mom: Don't tell me what to do! (raises eyebrows and gives evil eye)
Me: I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying lets relax.
Mom walks away and is now searching for daughter. Yeah! Finally gets monkey off my back.
Dad: Hey daughter, where'd your mother go?
Me: To harass daughter. Thinks daughter is feeding kids to pedophiles.
Dad: (rolling eyes) Yeah, shes' been like this all day.
Uncle: I see you pissed off your mother.
Me: Wasn't me you guys did it before I got here.

Finally the pizza arrives, we all eat and folks decide to leave so we can get an early start in morning. In the meantime daughter is drinking and so is SIL. G-kids are in bed and we are waiting on son and g-friend to arrive from down south. By 1030 I'm dead and head into bed. Too much stress for one day & I just want to watch TV & sleep!
Next morning I get up get,take shower and while I'm combing out my wet hair and talking to son & g-friend I POKE MY EYE OUT!!!! O, holy shit! What my mother said was true! I wasn't paying attention and stuck the sharp prongs on my wide tooth comb in my eye!!! OMG, OMG! My eye is watering, I can't see and suddenly the white of my eye is beet red. It looked like a bad Visine commercial. Damn, damn, damn! 1 hour later I still can't see and since my folks live close to CG I call my mom.
Me: Ma, you busy?
Mom: (real low tone of voice) No, why?
Me; Whats wrong?
Mom: Got a migraine, what do you need?
Me: Mom, I poked my eye out.
Mom: WHAT!
At this point my mom now feels totally needed by her dumbass daughter and being an anorexic drunk is totally forgiven! (Truly folks we love each other we just have that mom-daughter thing every once in a while)
I then explained what happened, get daughter to drive me to their house. Give daughter debit card and her & my dad go get me an eye patch and eye cream. See my mom works for an "eye Dr." & has a friend who's' a pharmacist he told her what kind of cream & the eye patch! I put on the patch and daughter & I decided it needed personality. Her & sons' g-friend painted and "eye" on my patch so I wouldn't scare my nephew when I meet him for the 1st time.

GD-#1,Me,G-son

Son & I with patch.
Wasn't I just lovely? Do I look anorexic? LOL A little lit maybe but not anorexic!

The rain started Sat. afternoon. And it rained and rained and rained then it rained again! My nephew was adorable & his mommy is very nice & we had a wonderful rainy Saturday.

My nephew

My baby br., son, g-kids

My family!
Then on Sunday husbands family comes. We haven't seen most of them in 6-8 years. Sunday just re-defined why. I mean they are the husbands' family & he loves them. But daughter, son, me, SIL we are who we are and the two shall never mesh! Well right after we got family photos taken the rain started again. I mean instant torrential down pour! Daughter and I are slamming things under the awning and into the camper. Husbands family is slamming themselves in to their vehicles and hauling ass! Lets hear a big Hurray for lightening! My folks come back later in the rain & we are sitting under the awning drinking beer discussing the days events when husband steps up to go into the camper and hits his toe on the step and splits it open and breaks it, AGAIN!! There is nothing you can do for a broken toe, especially since my husband usually breaks his toes on a regular basis. I go get Neosporin and a band aid. About that time another huge crack of thunder and a lightening bolt the size of a mushroom cloud goes off! Folks haul ass into their vehicle, we yell bye and everyone splits for shelter!
We are going home tomorrow! Hallelujah!
It was a very long weekend. We love seeing my folks and we are done seeing the husbands side for another 6-8 years. Everyone has the one camping trip from hell. Ours wasn't near as bad as some I've heard but at least none of us were "Running with scissors" this time!

Mercy Golf

2007-09-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well, the husbands friends all went out of town and work details this weekend so I begged to play golf with him. He pretty much plays every Sunday. This works for me, down time, remote control and etc. I stay home plan a fabulous dinner and do laundry, 5 loads max, so I'm happy with Sundays. Anyway, This Sunday, no laundry, no dinner to speak of so he takes me to play golf, Mercy golf.
Yee haww!!! We get there. I'm a 100-126 score he is much better 75-96 when he plays. We had two old ladies barely able to get out of the cart in front of us. 25 minutes into the 1st hole they are....just off the women's tees. OMG its gonna be a long morning. 2 1/2 hrs later we are just rounding the 10th hole a par three. They have been on this hole near as we can tell 15 minutes. They are just now getting to the flag. Husband says: I'm done I can't do this any more. I agree. We head home. I am 2 bloody Marys' into the game and he is very nice and says "its not you honey, Its the ladies in front of us". 1 1/2hrs to get to 9 holes!!! Plus they lost their putter and their driver sock so we had to pick up and walk the stuff up to them. The 1st lady had a handicap sticker on her cart. She could hardly stand up and she hit the ball about 2 ft. I told husband "be nice that could be me 1 day". They were really nice, but Sunday is the busiest golf day of the week....Why would you put them 1st at 830a? For those of you who play golf you will understand the frustration, for those who don't...its' like being stuck in rush hour traffic doing 5 mph and your exit is less than 30 ft. in front of you. So, despite my frustration at playing a lousy game I can blame Mercy golf on the 2 little old ladies playing in front of us. I don't get to play too much with husband, he gets frustrated with me. Not playing fast enough etc. But, In my mind you can never win at golf. I don't play seriously. I like music when I play, I like to drink when I play. The course will win every day. Me? I'm outside in the sun on a Sunday, drinking bloody Marys' batting a ball around in the grass. Come on...Have fun, relax. Get over all the fancy stuff. You're not Tiger Woods. Nobody is paying you to be here. You are PAYING to get your ASS kicked by a ball. My dad says Golf is like watching grass grow. You know what? Behind those two ladies today....he is soooo right!!!

Was gonna do a post but......

2007-09-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

Just wanted everyone to know that I WANT to do the post about our last trip. But, daughter has not downloaded the pics yet and I can't do mine because camera is in NY being repaired. She says she has been busy. I'm not so sure. I mean 13 has only had 1 game and 3 cheer practices the last week. Plus we all know as of late that she has had time to post. I think shes trying to make me look bad.

Anyway, as soon as she finds the time to help out her mom...who changed her diaper, washed and bandaged her boo-boos, read her diary when she wasn't home and saved her butt a gazillion different ways over the last 32 years I will do the post that I have been working on in my head for the last 2 weeks.

Dog-A-Ria

2007-09-10T06:17:00.000-07:00

Just a quick "this is how my week is gonna start" post.
Sunday morning our best/oldest dog Munch, wakes up with the dog-a-rias. Thank God he barks, pants and paws you to go outside. Open screen door, hauls ass, I mean tail tucked flying straight for very back wooded area of yard. If he were human his butt cheeks would have cemented together from the force of squeezing so tight. We do this several times through out the morning. I'm doing laundry, the dog is shitting in the woods and husband is playing golf. Sounds fun huh?
Finally around noonish he settles down and is just laying out on the tile floor, dog not husband. Husband gets homes, Munch so happy, no sign whatsoever of the lethargic, dog-a-ria from earlier that I had to deal with. Husband states "well, he seems to be fine now."

Around 830p husband says he just cleaned up very bad dog-a-ria in living room. Uh-Oh. Not Munch? I say hopefully. We both look down at Munch who is now foaming at the mouth, eyes all cloudy, breathing very hard. Shit! Clean off mouth with paper towel, gag repeatedly. Run dog outside quickly. Nothing! He sits on stoop and looks at us.

Decide I am taking him to vet 1st thing in AM. He's old, hes' our baby & we just know he is dying before our very eyes. Call daughter to tell her. Miss Sympathy says "Well, that's what happens when you own dogs, you get attached, they die. Just give him a TUMS he will be fine". She uses TUMS for everything, ear aches, stomach problems, burns etc. No sympathy there. We decide to cover the guest bath in an old blanket, turn on the little nitelite and let him sleep in there. At least if he got dog-a-rias in the night it was confined & I could just throw the blanket away.
I go to bed at 945p at 130a I am still wide awake. I'm worried about Munch, keep getting up and listening at door to make sure I can still hear him breathing, worried about how much this vet bill will cost, what should we do if he is really bad?
Evidently at some point I fell asleep, must have been deep sleep. Husband rolls over and hits me upside my head with a pillow. I say something and roll over. He swears he never touched me. At 530a he is telling me that I started snoring so loud I woke him and the cat. Still swears he never touched me.
First thing I ask,"is Munch still alive?" Oh yeah, he's right on peachy keen! Wagging his tail, jumping up and down, smiling with his "good morning, Mom" smile!

I hug his neck and say "Stupid F&^&%$ Dog, you were on your death bed last night!"
He smiles at me like my kids used to after they kept me up all night. Damn Dog!

A Mother of boys post

2007-09-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

When daughter got pregnant for the third time I prayed and prayed it would be a boy. Three girls was more than anyone deserved. Trust me. I would raise a house full of boys before I raised one daughter ever again. I adore my daughter, lord she should light a candle for every day she was alive after 12. At 12 her brain went on vacation and her mouth went into gear. Between the ages of 18 and 21 she regained brain skills but the mouth was still there, just more educated. Sometime there after she regained use of both in a reasonable split of common sense and age. Occasionally the 12 year old sneaks out, but it happens to all of us at some time and the language becomes foreign...as in "pardon my french you @!#@$#%^^%!"

So we have our boy and as you have seen he is an absolute joy......most of time.
Then we have the beginner episodes like haircutting and riding our 4-wheeler UP the slide. Jumping into the pool at the deep end with no floaties. Never gonna do that one again. At four he is just starting to come into himself. I said a few posts back that if I found my favorite e-mail about "The mother of boys" I would post it. Well, here it is:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tie d to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fa n as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not ma k e good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

My grandson is curious. That's a nice term for "he is going to do all of this and more". As the song goes "a country boy will survive", but will his parents?

On another note. My next post will be about vacation. I wanted to include pictures. But, when I changed batteries to download the pics nothing happened. Changed batteries again, nothing happened. Tried one more time..ooo flashing lights, nothing happens. Bust out manual under "Trouble shooting". Problem is not listed. Call Olympus.
"So sorry Mrs. Dumb ass you have to send your camera to NY because we don't know whats wrong, be sure and remove your picture card, include a written description of your problem and a return address. We will contact you in FOUR TO SIX WEEKS"!!

I have a feeling my camera posts will end up like Kat's Kyocera phone posts!
I have decided to go ahead and do my post about vacation with a few pics the daughter will send me. See you in a few days.

Briefly.....

2007-08-31T06:21:00.001-07:00

We are heading out today to go on vacation with the Sh1ts and Giggles crew. We are looking forward to hanging out with my folks, aunt & uncle, brother, son and g-friend. On Sunday we will be entertaining the hubs family. He's not thrilled either...trust me. He loves seeing them but... We don't go down south too often. We usually end up catching grief from his siblings about WHY we don't drive over to see them or they don't have time or they made other plans. It really bothers me how they treat him. My family is pretty close, we speak our minds, we fight and we make up. That's not the case on his side. They tend to hold grudges or they sometimes act like we live in a foreign country. Not telling us if something happens in the family or acting like "we already knew". Anyway, we will do the family thing then they head back home, which is within a few miles of where we are camping, which is within a few miles of where our folks live...get the picture. We will get kudos for being precious and yadada.

On a happier note, I have no idea exactly how I did it but I dropped another 5 lbs. this week. I am now at 143. Wasn't trying, husband didn't want me losing anymore 148 was fine with him.

Bi-polar is pissed cause I'm leaving at noon. Only about 2 hours before I normally get off. Said I take every Friday before a holiday off. So, the hubs got pissy because he has off & we could have left 1st thing. Anyway, we checked calendar. No I haven't for the last 2 years. I had 1 Fri. All the others got off normal time, picked up SIL and we drive to campgrounds! Crazy Bi-polar bitch. She just wanted another "feel sorry for me pity party" from the bosses wife. The husband wanted me to say something but why?

Totally loved g-sons arts & crafts on his head using scissors. Love his little brush cut just as much. His mom & dad are kidding themselves if they think this is his last "adventure". I can't find it now, but I will post an e-mail that was titled
"A mother of boys" It described things these 3 boys did. Went something like:
"You can't tie your brother to the fan to make him fly like Superman", "Putting eggs in the dryer doesn't scramble & cook at the same time".
Hopefully I will have saved it somewhere. I laugh my ass off each time g-son does something I think of that "info sheet".

Anyway, I'm getting ready to head out, everyone have a safe and happy Labor Day Weekend!

For my daughter -

2007-08-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

I was e-mailed this today and I loved it. I have called my folks and said "where you guys been, I've called four times?" They are retired and not mentally deficient so I expect they can handle themselves. LOL I have also been the recipient of a call like that from my daughter. So as her 32nd birthday approaches this is for her because, she has 4 young'uns, I liked it and most of all it will give me 2 posts this week and keep me "safe" from the "anonymous" comment person:

WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period when
offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
parents can become detached spectators in
the lives of their children and shrug, "It's
their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do
you stop worrying?" The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage." My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making
license plates. As if to read my mind , a teacher
said, "Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and
enjoy them." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
home, the front door t o open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,
in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be
adults." My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
was nothing I could do about it. My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I
could stop worrying and lead my own
life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my mother's warm smile and her
occasional, "You look pale. Are you a all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
human frailties and the fears of the
unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've
been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

I have a life....well sorta

2007-08-26T17:31:00.000-07:00

Want to know what I did this weekend? I baked 3 new cake/muffin recipes and took 2 showers. I sat in my recliner and watched the sci-fi channel for 2 days. I made meatloaf, smashed 'tatoes and green beans for dinner Sat. and Steak, squash, salad and baked potato tonight.
Do I have a life or what?
Anyway, thought I would post these recipes, they came out really well. They were all experiments and thank god I have a wonderful husband and great neighbors who are totally honest whenever I experiment on them. Sometimes I wonder why they are still my friends after some of the stuff I've fed them. So here goes, they are extremely easy and low fat!

Banana Nut Muffins:
1 Box Angel Food Cake (Not store brand, use NAME brand)
4 Bananas smashed (Squeeze in their skin its easier to smash)
1 Cup water
Crushed Nuts, about 2 handfuls and I used Walnuts
2 Muffin tins & the little paper cupcake things if your like me and hate cleaning muffin tins, if not be sure and PAM them.

Mix bananas and water in mixer until smooth as possible, add cake mix, mix.
Batter will be thin and frothy, that's OK. Stir in nuts
Fill muffin tins all the way to the top.
Bake at 350 for 14 min. (We all know our ovens so check 'em if you need to.)
Great for breakfast and swings by the kitchen counter. About 35-40 calories per

Cherry Angels
1 box Angel Food Cake
1 1/4 Cup Water
1 Can Lite Cherry pie filling
Pour Cherries in lightly PAMed 9x12 pan
Sprinkle Cake mix evenly over Cherries
Pour water slowly over cake mix
DO NOT STIR
Cover with aluminum foil bake at 350 20-25 min
Uncover and bake about 15 more
Tada!!
You can also use Chocolate Devils Food cake and instead of water use 12oz (1 can) Pepsi Diet Wild Cherry soda. Build it the exact same way, even cook time.

Baked Smashed 'Tatoes & Gravy
Dice then boil enough potatoes for your family
Drain and set for about 5 min. so the water is out of 'tatoes
**Mash with butter, LF sour cream, softened reduced fat Cream cheese-1/2 to whole 8oz package, salt & pepper, bacon bits.
Place in lightly PAMed casserole or 9x12 pan Depends on how big your family is.
Make own gravy or pour over Heinz LF Beef gravy bake about 18-20 minutes @ 350.
My husband loved this "new" version of smashed and gravy.
**I usually use 8oz or so of Sour Cream. You want it creamy like smashed but not runny and you don't want to taste all sour cream. How much truly depends on how much smashed 'tatoes your making. But, you really won't need more than a 80z pkg cream cheese.

On another note has anyone been watching Big Brother 8? If you have, how many more times do you think AMBER is going to CRY before the season finale? And how about good 'ol JEN! Jeez took them long enough to get rid of her. Thought her and Dirty Dick were going to mud wrestle the other night. This one has got to be the craziest yet! I definitely would not want to be caught in a survival situation with any of this group.
See I told you I had a life!!!

Vicious, Vicious blooger

2007-08-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

OK, my last post was August 10th. I didn't notify everyone that I had been very busy and my husband has his work laptop hooked to my modem and I can't sign in to any personal stuff because it will "flag" him then he would get a nasty e-mail: "this is not an acceptable..." from his job with a warning.
This could then lead to him being fired if they decide he hasn't been ambivalent enough staying away from all those "nasty blogs" I read. If that happens I have to sell my 4x4 Dodge truck, my 5th wheel camper, quit getting my eyebrows waxed, my hair trimmed, no more pedicures, manicures and fishing trips. Are you guys seeing where this is going?
I am begging everyone's forgiveness. Why, because there are vicious, vicious folks out there. You might know the blogger...sh1tsandgiggles. OOOOO heartless. She has my home phone and she comments on my page. Lord the things she says. "Ma, you gonna post again this year?" "Are you waiting for people to beg you to post? Cause they won't, your not that good and they like me better." LOL

I really wanted to wait until I could get to my computer so I could add some really great pictures of the g-kids and some other things. But, instead I have been pushed into using my work computer and posting while bi-polar is at lunch. I promise when the husband is off vacation and takes his laptop back to its own modem I will then be able to at least post on a regular basis. In the meantime please again forgive me for negligent posting.
On another quick note to a special blogger out there. My husband read your EMT posts and got so engrossed that he read several. He loves it! I have now left up Weathers site, and Burg, I can't wait till he reads some of these also.

Too many knobs, buttons and switches

2007-08-10T06:06:00.000-07:00

Oh, this should be a good post. I'm using a laptop at my sons' house. So far I have chased this damn "arrow" all over the keyboard. I can't get the hang of just sliding my finger around this little tiny square while ducking a crazy cat that likes me but has decided I am swatting material. Now I know how a fly feels! Anyway back to this laptop. I spent at least 4 minutes looking for the backspace key, the enter key and how to scroll up and down without chasing this damn arrow all over the screen just to land on another tiny button/arrow to scroll. I'm not illiterate on computers but I like things I can read and see. That's why I don't own a camera phone or a laptop. Too many buttons! To the husband, buttons and knobs are a "wet dream".

I have a vacuum that you just turn on and vacuums, a stove that you TURN on and tada it cooks. If I had it my way I would have wind up windows in my truck, the dimmer switch would be a button on the floor that you just stepped on and you got brights or lows. Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about but, back in "the day" that's where the dimmer switch was. I like things that do exactly what they are suppose to.

I don't want a toothbrush that turns into a hair brush for "easy travel". I want a blender to blend and a mixer to mix. I want ONE remote for the TV!!!!! I have 3! 1 to turn it on, find a station etc, 1 to adjust and turn on the surround sound and 1 to work the DVD player!

My husbands car has buttons for everything! The other day I went to hit the blinker and suddenly the windshield wipers turned on. I try to find which side of the steering wheel the wipers were on and I hit the damn horn which caused the guy in front of me to flip me off. Mean while the wipers are slamming the dry windshield, I still can't find the blinker and now I'm suddenly on "cruise" control, which is beeping because you can't turn on cruise when the vehicle is sitting still and the car thinks I'm stupid so its beeping at me incessantly to let me know "dumb ass, dumb ass" over and over again!
At this point I just want to get out of the car, call the husband on my "hit the send button" cell phone and tell him to come get his "possessed" car. Finally, I hit something on the right side of the steering column and the wipers were off. The cruise beeper got tired of calling me "dumb ass" and shut its' self off. The light went green and I turned to go home so I could sit in my own recliner and hit three buttons for the TV and find out how many more DNA tests the "Who's my baby's daddy" show is doing today. The simple life? Where did it go?

Boys will be boys and other snippets of life

2007-08-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that with some parents of boy(s)they tend to really "want" that boy to be "a boy". Trucks, cars, army men, cowboys and Indians, dinosaurs, hunting, fishing, sports and rough and tumble, you get the picture. My grandson has three sisters all of them are a combination of "down and dirty, yet jewelry and nail polish" so he gets what I consider the best of both worlds. He loves to hunt and fish and play army and Power Rangers and DOLLS! Yep, you heard me dolls.
I kept my grandson and g-daughter #2 last weekend so the folks could go out of town. In a moment of weakness I let g-sons best friend Cam and his br. Tye spend the night. Cam & g-son will play for hours and g-daughter & Tye will play for hours. Anyway, when Tye & Cams' folks came on Sunday morning g-son & Cam were in a rousing game of "House". They both had babies, they had a house behind the bar on the back porch and they were "going to the grocery" with their babies. The conversation went something like this:
G-son: Cam, we have to go to the grocery store.
Cam: What are we going to buy? Salad?
G-son: Yeah, that's helfy (healthy) for us.
Cam: And nuts too.
G-son: Yeah.
Cam: What are you going to drive?
G-son: Want to take the 4-wheel drive truck?
Cam: Yeah.
Now the 4-wheel drive truck was my hallway where they had put 4 pillows.
Cam: You can drive to the grocery and I will drive home.
G-son: OK, put the babies in there car seat. (The babies were "heavy baby" (I'll explain soon) and a stuffed Tigger)
What we got so tickled over was the mix of playing house and the 4 wheel drive truck. How cool was that? Cam and Tye's' Mom was "yeah, its good for them". I then chimed in with "but, their taking the 4 wheel drive to the grocery". Pop was "OK" with it, but you could just feel a little tinge of tostesterone in the air. Pop is a wonderful guy, but he is also "the man" just like Son in law who probably wouldn't have taken the whole thing real well, but would have dealt with it quietly until he got home and would have promptly taken g-son out to chop wood or some other man thing ".LOL
Heavy baby:
When g-son was about 2 my boss took his son to the same in home daycare g-son was at. G-son loved Bryce. Who was crawling about this time and very shy, but he loved g-son. G-son would try to carry him or pick him up and tell the sitter "This my heavy baby". This went on for about a year and the daycare closed. The boys have not seen each other since. When g-son would come to my house he would always ask about his "heavy baby" and where he was etc. Then one day he found in the bottom of the toy box g-daughter #1's old baby. This was a big ol' baby that had a stuffed body and plastic arms and legs and head. Every time he came over he went and got "heavy baby". He ate dinner with it, sat it by his cars and played. Needless to say his pops wasn't real thrilled about it but as long as "heavy baby" stayed at my house and play involved cars and trucks too we didn't have any issues. G-son is now four and he STILL drags out "heavy baby". "Gamma, where you put my "heavy baby"? After Cam & Tye left Sunday this was what g-son did:

So let boys play and girls play its all good, when they are using their imaginations.
God bless "Heavy Baby".
Now for a snippet:
How come if you take 15 shirts off hangers and wear them all week, do laundry and go to hang up your shirts you only have 5 hangers? Are they hanging out with the "other sock"? You know the one that goes in the machine but never comes out.
How come whenever I go to the bathroom at work there is never any toilet paper on the roll? Which brings me to "what did bi-polar do since she was the last one in there?"
How come in Florida when it rains everyone slows down to 25 in a 50 zone if most of our population is from the north where it snows?
If when your standing outside there are no flies flying around, but as soon as you bring out a sandwich there are a bazillion?
Just curious.
Now I'm going to take my "heavy baby" and go to bed....

2nd hand Rose

2007-08-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

OK, if you love to shop consignment shops raise your hand...OOOO. I LOVE consignment shops..nice ones. I abhor spending money on clothes. I can go to Lowe's and drop a $100 bucks and not bat an eye lash or a plant nursery...No issues. My husband thinks its tacky and tells me "Grammice I can afford for you to buy "decent" shorts/jeans etc. why go there?" Because, I can buy 4 "decent" pairs of shorts, blouses and some kind of something that catches my eye and spend less than $60! Also, I go to a very nice, very clean repeat shop.
I can pick up jeans for winter that someone else spent $70-100 on, made them comfortable and I pay $6-10 and don't have to deal with the "break-in" period. I have bought DKNY, Hilfiger, Talbots etc jeans & paid $8.! Now beat that. Kids clothes are cute, adorable and expensive between birth and 5, Hallelujah Consignment shop!!! Half the time they grow so fast they don't even get to wear some of their new clothes.
Don't get me wrong, Occasionally I will buy clothes at a store. But I have my limits. For a special to-do at my husbands' office last year we were told to wear semi-formal. OK, now I had to go to the store. I wear jeans, shorts, t-shirts to work, formal or dressy just doesn't work for me. Anyway, husband made me go to dept. store. Told him I wasn't gonna spend a fortune, maybe $30. He laughed told me to buy something decent AND shoes or he would send my neighbor with me & give her the check. Yeehaw. I took daughter, I bought a very nice calf length, chocolate colored w/lace layover and scalloped hem dress, brownish gold "hooker heels" at JC Penney for $35! The dress was $125 marked to 75% off & another 10% for weekend Sat. before noon sale. Shoes were on clearance for $6. Damn I'm good. Anyway, get home husband loves the outfit says I'm a hottie.

Monday, he goes to work, he gets an e-mail from the "Dinner coordinator":
"We have changed the dress code to dressy-casual for the Honors Dinner."
He didn't want to come home with that message, he really didn't want to tell me period let alone in person! When he did call, after I got home, my response was exactly what he thought after 28yrs together.

"WTF! Who's' brilliant F*&^&%# idea was this? Less than a week before the dinner! Its' Probably that stupid Bitch ###* she loves to shop and needs another outfit! AND WTF is "Dressy-casual" I'm wearing jeans & t-shirt, stupid asses."

Despite the rant which I'm sure he held the phone away from his ear he never said a word. Thank goodness I had been to "my consignment" shop and had just bought the cutest pair of DKNY jeans at top dollar $10.87. But I needed a nice blouse, back to the consignment shop. A Burgundy silk blouse with poofy sleeves. $3.25!!!
We went to the "Dressy-casual (held in a barn by the way) Honors Dinner" Everyone kept complimenting me on that "beautiful" blouse. Each time I just looked at husband. HA!HA! I win.

OK, this isn't the exact post I was going to do.....but I went to the consignment shop last night and bought 3 shorts, 6 shirts (2 for husband LOL) and this totally cool wrought iron leaf thing that was just the right style for over my french doors in the family room in a spot for 5 years I've been trying to put something. Paid $8. The husband even said it was nice.
So head to the consignment shop, buy cool stuff, then head home and put all that money you saved into something you really want or want to do, like go to Lowe's!

Weekend GOOD, Week so far BAD

2007-07-26T13:46:00.001-07:00

The Ice Cream Cake I made this myself.

The Birthday girl and her favorite brother.....her ONLY brother

The Sister and friends

OK, so I resorted to cheating a little with pictures. But, in my defense if I don't post the daughter will be calling me names in her comments. The party went well. She got what all 13 year old girls love........MONEY.
So the weekend ended nicely.
But, here came Monday full of fire and brimstone! Yep, bi-polar came back off vacation. She slammed into the office did not say one word to anyone and proceeded to bitch and heavy sigh all morning. Then the comments started, by the end of the day I was so done I just wanted to walk by and slap the back of her head! Alas, I was afraid to due to the amount of chins she has I might have gotten caught in some kind of wind tunnel effect or after shock. LOL I'll probably go to hell for that comment. Today is Thursday and I am so over the bitch. We ran out of Fax machine ink yesterday afternoon. I put a note on her desk "We are out of Fax machine ink". Pretty plain, easily read. I was still out at 245p today. Over a month ago I put the last empty box on her desk with a note, "Used last Fax cartridge". She has ordered supplies 2 times since then. Would she get off her fat ass and check the supply closet? Its' on her way to the kitchen? Hell no. Instead when I again asked if she got one this morning, she said "No" and rolled her eyes like I just asked for a tonsil or something. Finally she went and got 1 not 5 or six but ONE, of course she wasn't going just to the office supply..no we stopped to get a Large order of baked spaghetti and side of garlic bread. The only reason we got one at all was because the boss needed to fax something and needed the confirmation. Bitch. When I go in at 7 tommorrow the fax machine will be out of paper, the memory will be full and I will have lost several faxes. Shes' the office manager. Goes to prove if your a shit-ass, rude and mean to people the boss will promote you. Funny thing is they don't like her either and wish she would "go away". Go figure.
I usually can just blow her off and not lower myself by letting her get to me, but this week has really pushed my patience level way past acceptable. Last night the husband said "You know after 4 years your going to have enough one day and just let loose on her. Your mouth is going to go into gear and by time your done she will wish you had hit her and got it over with."
Scary thing is hes' probably right. The people I work with don't know me really well and they have never seen me angry. Not even upset. So, they will probably fall out when it does happen. I've learned over the years to control my mouth instead of just saying exactly what I think. Husband says I can "cut your heart out" with my mouth. My older friends have told me I've become a "kindlier more gentler" Grammice. That may be coming to an end. In the words of one of the funniest comics (in my opinion) I've ever heard, Jerry Clower...."Knock him out John, one of us has got to have some relief!"

Oh My!

2007-07-19T04:41:00.000-07:00

Just a quick little post. My #1 g-daughter is 13 today. Yep, the big 13! She has technically been a teenager since 7-8 years old. Well, she thinks so. The closer she got to 13 the more I heard "You know grandma in 2 more years I can start driving, are you gonna let me drive your truck?" "Uh..No"! Next she tries to hit up grandpa for "precious" his Solara convertible. Yeah, I see that happening. She can drive her mom's car. LOL But, alas grandma is the one that has been voted "most likely to let her live" while teaching her to drive. Could I get gift cards NOW for the liquor store?

Memorable events:
1)
At 3 yrs while grocery shopping she got very bored sitting in the buggy. The conversation went something like this:
"Gamma I want to go"
"OK, baby in a minute I have to get a b-day card for whoever"
"gamma, I want to goooooooo"
"OK, baby in a just a minute"
"Gamma I tellin' everybody you farted"
Then she proceeds to sing at the top of her voice: "Gamma farted, ewwwww whats it smells like? Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop!"
We used to pass a farm everyday on the way to her daycare & in the summer the aroma was "delightful". I would say "Whats' it smells like? & she would sing back "Pig poop, chicken poop, horse poop".

2)
When she was 6 she begged me to let her wear my "partials" (dentures). When I said "no, because you have your own teeth." She promptly looked at me and said "Well, can I just take them to school 1 time, pleeeaaasseee".

3)
At around 7 or 8 on my birthday after discussing how old I was she hugged me and said " grandma, I really hope I get to be as old as you someday." (remember I will be 50 this year.)

4)
At 10 she informed me "Grandma, my boobs are gonna be way bigger than yours when I grow up". I had always felt comfortable with my boobs up until that point.

5) On Thanksgiving day, 8-9 yrs she decided she needed to know where babies come from. Much to my daughters "delight" I have always been very open and honest about sex and babies etc. We were sitting in the Florida room, grandpa reading the paper, G-daughter sitting on floor in front of me.
"Grandma exactly where do babies come from"?
"Well, they come from around your moms stomach."
"No, I know WHERE they are I want to know HOW they get there".
Husband glances over and raises eyebrows.
"Well, when a mommy & daddy love each other, they have sex and the daddy puts it there." Mind you I'm trying to be truthful, yet limited, but answering her question as asked.
"Grandma! Just tell me, HOW does he get it IN there!" At this point she is very done with my short sweet answers, husband is smiling behind newspaper because he knows me and he knows she will not let this go until she gets her answer.
"Well, the daddy lays on top of the mommy & puts his pp in her pp and spits the baby seed out to plant it."
Husbands eyes are as wide as saucers, he has this "Oh, your daughter is gonna kill you look". G-daughter has got the "deer in the headlights" look. She promptly spreads her legs and looks down.
"OK, grandma how does it fit."
This has gone waaaay further than I thought. I'm exasperated trying to "keep it simple, stupid". I KNOW this is not the kind of conversation I intended to have on Thanksgiving. Shit!
"G-daughter honey, its' like this", I then make the "OK" sign with 1 hand and put the index finger of the other hand through it.
Husband is staring at me because at this point he is 100% percent sure that I have totally lost my mind, he wants no part of the aftershock.
G-daughter looks at me and goes "Oh, OK, can I go watch Cartoon Network?"
Done its' over, sigh of relief.
3 hours later while numerous friends and family are sitting down to dinner. G-daughter announces to the whole room, very proud I might add. "I know how babies get in the mommy's' stomach, Grandma told me." At this point all the kids, 3yrs. & up look at her, daughter glares at me. I'm holding my breath hoping...husband has the "here it comes" look. Yes, she did....made the sign with her hands and said "this is how the daddy spits it in there." She then smiles. All the kids are like "Wow". Daughter is saying "What happened to the F&*king "cabbage patch", MOTHER?" God, I hate the "Mother" thing. At that point all I could do was total ass coverage.
"I'm sorry, they tell you not to lie to kids about that because when they find out the truth they will think your stupid. Also, you should answer ALL their questions but keep your answers simple based on the age group. I did, next time YOU answer her questions!" Tada! Quickly pass the buck! Go grandma.

In closing I just want to say "Thank you" to my daughter for allowing me, despite a few moments, to be such an important and influential part of G-daughter #1s' life.
And to my #1 g-daughter:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOK!

Saturday and Sunday

2007-07-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

I'm playing catch up. I wanted everyone to know how productive I was this weekend after my Tuesday binge. On Sat.7th a guy I work with delivered and installed a cabinet he made for my kitchen. In 1988 most houses built had a desk in the kitchen. It was part of a "total woman" thing. You can work, cook and clean all at the same time. See how efficient you are? Whatever, they are a "catch all" and useless as tits on a bull. I hated it. I wanted it changed into a cabinet so I could put big stuff in there. Like my "Set it and forget" oven and my 55 gallon stock pot for soup & spaghetti sauce.
So Jim delivers this cabinet and it is wonderful!

See!!!
But all last week my kitchen was a total disaster. I had to stain the cabinet to match the drawers. Jim took the drawers out of desk and re-used in cabinet. That took all weekend to do letting it dry between stainings etc. Look at the pic do you think it matches? So this Saturday, 14th I decided I was going to finally get in there and start rearranging cabinets and getting things put away and cleaned up properly. I hate a messy/dirty kitchen.
I started in the kitchen, then I noticed that #1 g-sons toy box sitting in the den/bar area was too full and stuff was falling out so I started putting things away and the next thing you know its 4p I haven't had a shower, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and I'm still in my jammy-T. BUT, I have cleaned, two closets, three toy boxes and re-arranged a whole kitchen & started dinner!
Wait there's more:
Sunday I get up at 6a coffee and newspaper decide I need to go to Lowes. I love Lowes. I have a Rock City bird House and a Florida State bird house that we have had sitting in 6 different garages during the last 18 years of marriage. I wanted them put up. I go to Lowes and buy 2 4x4x8 posts, 8 "L" brackets and 46 12" rocks for garden edging. I will take pics but its 515A and I don't want neighbors to call "Kat" to come get me, I might end up as a post! LOL Anyway, husband put up bird house in backyard, they are beautiful. I planted my 2 huge Sago palms in front garden, dug a small trench to lay garden rock around front garden and it looks beautiful. Neighbors came over, we sat in driveway drinking 4-5 beers. Neighbor lady invited me to get a pedicure with her which sounded wonderful after working outside in mud all day. While I'm getting that done husband made the best damn burgers on the grill. Hmmmmmmm Then since yesterday was National Ice Cream Day we went to the Stone cold Creamery with the neighbors to celebrate. Been a helluva week and weekend but That was a perfect way to end the week and start a new one. Now I have to start getting ready for work. Bi-polar is on vacation so life is gonna be good!

The week in review...Finally!

2007-07-16T01:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not intentionally on the once a week post.
Last Monday: Started the week pretty good. I was busy all day but not asshole to alligators busy.

Tuesday: Well that's when my week started "messin" up. My friend, "E" who lives around the corner called to see if I wanted to go to dinner after she took her mom to MRI. I checked with husband and it wasn't a problem. "E" was gonna call when they were done & I would meet them. We met at 7. I'm a 9'er for bedtime so no worries dinner & home. Wellllll, that's a lie. We started drinking margaritas, then another friend came & we started drinking margaritas with her and the next thing you know its 11:15!!!! On a TUESDAY!!!! OOOO are you gonna pay for this. Husband, God bless him, says nothing. Go to bed wake up at 4am!!! WTF. Can't go back to sleep.

Wednesday 4am: Go in kitchen turn on coffee and start making the "butter rum" glaze for a cake I'm taking to work. Yeah you read it right that was 4:00AM! Go to work, we are very busy and Bi-polar is cranky and claiming she has some flesh eating something or other. Anyway, did I mention that Wed. is opening night for Harry Potter and g-daughter #1 & I go every opening night on the 1st showing. It's a tradition.
I pick up g-daughter we get there at 530 pick up our tickets which I purchased 2 weeks ago. Wander mall, go to movies, 730p. Get home at 10:15p take shower fall into bed, literally.
Thursday: Alarm goes off at 530a I snooze button until 6:10a. I can hardly open my eyes. Its' Thursday, were busy as shit, bi-polar is totally on a crank, the phones are ringing off the hook, contractors are complaining. I only want to make it thru the day then I swear I'm gonna go home and go to bed at 530p. I swear.
Went to bed at 930p.
FRIDAY!!! Hallelujah! I made it. Bi-polar comes in the office so bitchy and cranky her face is red! I mean she has been heading that way all week and she has built right up to a real beaut of a shit mood. See, shes' on vacation next week. I will be working 7a-5p. I will be doing everything, including a good chunk of her job. She hates it! Totally. By time I left Friday she was close to virtual meltdown.
I am never in a bad mood at work. Its' none of their business or problem if I'm upset with someone at home or whatever. So why should they have to bear the brunt of it. Bi-polar brings every personal issue, problem, conversation etc. into the office. She exaggerates illnesses for the sympathy vote. You get the picture. So when she leaves on vacation and I'm there "alone" with the bosses and things run smoothly and payroll is done on time and everyone has a good week. She HATES it. Then she spends the next week trying to find things I did "wrong" so she can announce them loudly when the bosses are in the office. Its quite a performance she puts on. So that is what happened last week and I did not post because I got "lit-up" on a Tuesday, work night and I could not recover from my folly in a timely fashion. And my dog ate my homework.

Cruise Director

2007-07-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

My husband will not plan anything regarding vacations/birthdays and dinner! I am Cruise Director. I don't get to wear a really cool jacket, I don't get to see exotic places or people, the pay sucks sometimes and my client is very difficult to work with!!! Requirements for travel include:
1) Less than 2 days MAX (and he means MAX!) on the road
2) Beer available at all times when not driving
3) No stops on the way. "We have a destination lets just get there first."

Husband states he is not paying $XXX.00 per month for a camper to fly some place & stay in hotel. We have to be able to get there in 24 hrs. So we can enjoy our "week".
So I have been mulling over, researching and getting frustrated over this 50th birthday thing. He has shot down every single idea I have had.
"Too far"
"Why?"
"You can fish here"
"Where is the money coming from?"

Or my favorite "NO" Why? Because..now are you ready for this "It makes no sense to"..
then he absolutely harpoons my suggestion. Ask the kids, dad/granpop has a giant "pin" in his pocket that is readily accessible to "pop dream/idea balloons".

So this morning I woke up and decided I was going to "pick something" even if it was wrong.
Step 1: re-checked info for Costa Rica (#1 choice for me not even on the list for husband)
Result: Law changed and earlier this year you now have to have a Passport. I don't have one.
Researched passport: This could get ugly. It seems news stories were correct duration to actually receiving said passport? 90 days & up. 90 days if you are renewing "and up" if you are a first timer. OK, lets go stateside.

Step 2: Check camping website
Research: I picked Illinois.
Reason: Never been. Campground is rated very high in camping book, close to lots of totally cool places like the Zoo (I love the zoo), Anheuser Busch plant (Beer straight from the plant...Hell yeah!), the speedway, plus numerous car museums, shopping etc.
Lo and behold husband said "If you want to go to Illinois (see I can spell it) I'll take you there. Only 800 miles away 14 hr trip, meets all travel criteria. Damn I'm good.
Question is: when? My 50th is in Nov. close to holidays & with 4 birthdays and a wedding Anniversary within 6 weeks (11/2 thru 12/28) on top of Thanksgiving and Christmas we are always BROKE come January. Daughter comes up with this excellent idea to have a nice dinner party at a local hoytie toytie rest. with a club next door that plays 60's-80's music for the actual birthday. Dinner and dancing ! Hell I died and went to heaven. Husband grunted something like "yeah right". Daughter says "Ma' we dress up in pretty clothes you can have it on a Sat. nite day after your b-day everybody goes home on Sunday" tada! She is brilliant.

So, I figure if weather is decent in April in Illinois, I've delayed the trip, saved some $ to go and I manage to stretch my "birthday month" into 5 months!
My husband read this last sentence over my shoulder and said "Why do I only get 1 day?"
Easy, I'm a woman and its a rule.
*Note if anyone out there in blogland can give some suggestions, ideas, special "gotta see" places or has any notion of weather in April in Illinois let me know. I'm so excited! I have a plan! Campground website: http://www.cahokiarv.com/index.html