Daughter, I'm bored and other things when your home alone

They cut my hours at work. 7a to 1p. Bi-polar has convinced the bosses wife I do nothing during the day but play on the computer.
Getting off at my normal 3 wasn't so bad, I usually had a couple hours of wind-down time, then everybody was home. Well, at 1p NOBODY is home, I'm home alone. I have been doing this for two days and daughter has already started threatening me.
Day 1:
"Hi, honey, its' me, mom, whatcha doin?"
"I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, I'm bored."
"Ma, you need to find something to do, I'm busy".
Day 2:
"Hi, whatcha doin?"
"Hi, Ma, I'm working, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, watching TV, I finished my chores."
"Ma, I'm busy."
"Well, pass the phone to someone whos not busy."
(laughing) "No, Ma, you need to find something to do, call E. You can't keep calling me, I'm busy."
Doesn't sound like she loves me.

Called husband:
"Want to come home for wild sex"?
"No honey, I'm working".
"You're the boss leave early".
"No, honey, find something to do."
"I did, but you ruined it".
"Bye, honey, I love you." click

I make the coffe, empty the dishwasher, make a vodka and grapefruit and read the paper. Damn that was 20 minutes.

Now, I'm bugging you guys.

I could make prank calls but with all the technology somebody would call me back and they would be serious about putting Prince Albert in a can.

OO I thought, clean out your closet, get rid of your fat clothes, clean off the shelves, throw out that prom dress from daughters high school that has been sitting in the dryclean pile since 1988.

Sew a button on husbands shirt/shorts.

The problem is thats all WORK! It looks like work, smells like work and most definitely will feel like work while doing it. NOPE, not gonna do that, I got off WORK at 1p.

I could drive around and VISIT daughter at work, but diesel is $4 a gallon, plus she probably would kill me. I would like sit at her desk and say things like
"Can I help you"?
"How come your doing it that way, its easier if you do it this way".
"Whats in here (as I slowly open what happens to be her bosses office door).
"Where is everybody? Wanna call them"?
"Ewwwww, whats this green stuff in the fridge? Who cleans this thing out? Want me to do it"? (hopeful gleam in my eye)

I could catch up on my e-mail. Delete, delete, delete glad thats done.

Everyone I know works alllllll day. I'm bored home alone!!!!!

Watched a little TV. Good God, has anyone seen "Maury" Lately? Wasn't that girl on last year testing guy number 34 to find her baby daddy? She was SO positive this old guy was the daddy. That poor child looks like every man she has slept with! "See he got his nose". Please don't make me go there...

How about "Make me a super model"? Jiminy shit I didn't even know the good looking guy was gay and he was dating someone that wasn't gonna make the "super model" cut!
Well, actually in the finale I think he confessed he wasn't really "all that interested in maintaining the relationship". Uh-Oh User!

"Housewives of New York City"? What the HELL is wrong with super rich people? Husband doesn't let wife out of sight. They spent 3 years on a waiting list for PRE-K!!! They finally met someone that could help "network" them into an "A-list" school. Go buy some designer clothes and give my bored ass a break!

"Monk"! I love that man! But after I watched a marathon this weekend I started counting tiles in Publix, sorting my groceries in the basket..oh wait I already do that. I took notes when he was meeting with his therapist.

Husband just got home...took one look at me an the hopeful look on my face and said "No, I'm getting a beer first"!
He did hand me a statistic that I thought you guys might enjoy.

"A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study has found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon".

I'm still bored, but I'm not home alone and if my timings right he just might be finished with that beer!