"You're gonna poke your eye out!"

Growing up my mother always said "No running with scissor", "Do you have on clean underwear? Because your not going to embarrass the whole family if your in an accident and your underwear is dirty." But the most famous of all was "You're gonna poke your eye out". No matter what we did the end result was we were gonna poke our eye out. After a rock fight we had with our cousins who lived up the hill from us my mother promptly beat our butts and said "how many times have I told you? Were you trying to put someones eye out?" No we weren't really, we were just trying to bean my other two cousins because they were older and meaner and they started it!
On our last camping trip I tried to "poke my eye out". But that wasn't all that happened on this trip of trips. To begin with we were suppose to leave first thing in the morning, but bipolar pitched a bitch and we didn't leave til 230p. Within 45 minutes of getting on the interstate we see 6 FHP cars radaring in the median, 1 hour into the trip it is now pouring down rain and we have passed two accidents. This goes on for the next 3 hours. We are pulling a 30' 5th wheel its raining so hard you can't see the hood of the truck, traffic has crawled to 40-45mph, people are pulling off the road but NOT leaving their flashers or lights on so you can see them and NOT kill them. As we get closer to our destination traffic slows to 25mph, its now a medium drizzle of rain, there is construction on both sides of the highway, orange cones, equipment I mean everything is sitting on the side of the road. We are 12 miles from the campground and we hear this whizzing sound and it sounds like its coming from the car next to us, but we don't see anything and keep inching along. About 2 miles later this family in the next lane yells over to us "Hey your front tire is flat". Son of a bitch! Front drivers side no less, the drizzle has now turned to a heavy drizzle as on "Q" and we have to pull into the mud in the construction area to try and change this F%$#@! tire. 15 minutes later the tire is changed! I am so not kidding you! We worked like a pit crew. No fighting, bitching nothing. He started the lug nuts, I finished them while he got out the spare, I slid off the flat he slid on the spare, I put the lugs back on, he put the flat in the back and came back to tighten the nuts. We were awesome. We slide back into traffic and arrive soaked, dirty and ready for a drink at the campground. Joy of joy my folks, uncle and aunt are waiting. I take one look at my mom and thought Shit shes' in a bad mood about something! You know how you can look at your mom and know that. Well, boy howdy I couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder. Shortly after that daughter & her family pull in. I immediately hand the husband a beer, fix a vodka & grapefruit and grab the cigarettes. I hug my mom and
the first conversation went something like this:

Mom: Are you going to drink all night or you going to eat pizza with the family, do you even eat? You look anorexic.
Me: Yes ma I'm going to have a few drinks tonight. It was a rough stressful drive and I'm exhausted. Yes, I eat pizza, no I'm not anorexic.
Mom: What are the g-kids doing, where are they? You know you can't just let them run in the campground, this isn't your campground at home, your in da-da and there are pedophiles everywhere!
Me: I don't know go ask daughter shes' the mom. My kids are all grown up. Ma, just sit and relax lets' visit have a drink you need it.
Mom: Don't tell me what to do! (raises eyebrows and gives evil eye)
Me: I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying lets relax.
Mom walks away and is now searching for daughter. Yeah! Finally gets monkey off my back.
Dad: Hey daughter, where'd your mother go?
Me: To harass daughter. Thinks daughter is feeding kids to pedophiles.
Dad: (rolling eyes) Yeah, shes' been like this all day.
Uncle: I see you pissed off your mother.
Me: Wasn't me you guys did it before I got here.

Finally the pizza arrives, we all eat and folks decide to leave so we can get an early start in morning. In the meantime daughter is drinking and so is SIL. G-kids are in bed and we are waiting on son and g-friend to arrive from down south. By 1030 I'm dead and head into bed. Too much stress for one day & I just want to watch TV & sleep!
Next morning I get up get,take shower and while I'm combing out my wet hair and talking to son & g-friend I POKE MY EYE OUT!!!! O, holy shit! What my mother said was true! I wasn't paying attention and stuck the sharp prongs on my wide tooth comb in my eye!!! OMG, OMG! My eye is watering, I can't see and suddenly the white of my eye is beet red. It looked like a bad Visine commercial. Damn, damn, damn! 1 hour later I still can't see and since my folks live close to CG I call my mom.
Me: Ma, you busy?
Mom: (real low tone of voice) No, why?
Me; Whats wrong?
Mom: Got a migraine, what do you need?
Me: Mom, I poked my eye out.
Mom: WHAT!
At this point my mom now feels totally needed by her dumbass daughter and being an anorexic drunk is totally forgiven! (Truly folks we love each other we just have that mom-daughter thing every once in a while)
I then explained what happened, get daughter to drive me to their house. Give daughter debit card and her & my dad go get me an eye patch and eye cream. See my mom works for an "eye Dr." & has a friend who's' a pharmacist he told her what kind of cream & the eye patch! I put on the patch and daughter & I decided it needed personality. Her & sons' g-friend painted and "eye" on my patch so I wouldn't scare my nephew when I meet him for the 1st time.

GD-#1,Me,G-son

Son & I with patch.
Wasn't I just lovely? Do I look anorexic? LOL A little lit maybe but not anorexic!

The rain started Sat. afternoon. And it rained and rained and rained then it rained again! My nephew was adorable & his mommy is very nice & we had a wonderful rainy Saturday.

My nephew

My baby br., son, g-kids

My family!
Then on Sunday husbands family comes. We haven't seen most of them in 6-8 years. Sunday just re-defined why. I mean they are the husbands' family & he loves them. But daughter, son, me, SIL we are who we are and the two shall never mesh! Well right after we got family photos taken the rain started again. I mean instant torrential down pour! Daughter and I are slamming things under the awning and into the camper. Husbands family is slamming themselves in to their vehicles and hauling ass! Lets hear a big Hurray for lightening! My folks come back later in the rain & we are sitting under the awning drinking beer discussing the days events when husband steps up to go into the camper and hits his toe on the step and splits it open and breaks it, AGAIN!! There is nothing you can do for a broken toe, especially since my husband usually breaks his toes on a regular basis. I go get Neosporin and a band aid. About that time another huge crack of thunder and a lightening bolt the size of a mushroom cloud goes off! Folks haul ass into their vehicle, we yell bye and everyone splits for shelter!
We are going home tomorrow! Hallelujah!
It was a very long weekend. We love seeing my folks and we are done seeing the husbands side for another 6-8 years. Everyone has the one camping trip from hell. Ours wasn't near as bad as some I've heard but at least none of us were "Running with scissors" this time!